When Will I Ever Get There?

The other day, I was listening to (yet another) audio teaching about growing my business, running webinars, marketing and creating a production  plan and hiring a team….

….and I had the thought “this is ridiculous”. 

Not the actual teaching and audio, which was superb (and for which I am grateful) but this is ridiculous that I’m constantly and compulsively thinking I need to learn something.

I need to get something. I need to catch a drift here. Things will be better…soon.


….I need to GROW my business. I need to GROW my bank account. I need to GROW my inner peace. I need to GROW my personal health and fitness. I need to GROW my awareness. I need to GROW my relationship with my partner, kids, family. I need to GROW my love and joy.

Oh man.

There it is, an energy of something being off over the horizon.

Including Spiritual Awakening, which isn’t here.


Chasing the carrot! The ever-dangling carrot just out of reach of the horse’s mouth.

Yummy carrot if I only stretch, push a little harder, race, strain and go a little faster!!

But who the heck would I be without that “almost there” thought permeating everything?

I mean, really….the mind thinks “almost there, not quite there yet” about everything.

Money, health, wealth, love, success, happiness, awakening.

Who would I be without the thought that any of these things are ALMOST there (but not quite)?

Wait. What?


Without the belief that this isn’t it?

Dang. (Slow whistle). Woah.

I notice, it’s all here.

It’s right here, all complete, all brilliant.

No searching required.

Here’s a computer, and a bookshelf, and a standing lamp, air in this room, a bathrobe hanging on a hook, an arm, a hand, kitchen noise happening, footsteps on the porch, a silver ring on a finger, a pen.

Absolutely fantastically glorious!!

“I got myself into a right pickle. I became exhausted with the whole thing. With the spiritual concepts, the teachers, the awakening stories, trying to get there. I had been trying, trying, trying soooo hard to get there. I was brought to my knees. I was exhausted from trying. Fed up with spirituality. Nauseated with the whole thing. I didn’t want to hear the word ‘consciousness’ or ‘awakening’ ever again. That’s how BAD it got….It had ALL become second hand. And I looked at a chair in my childhood bedroom and thought ‘oh’. Life is right here. All these things I’ve made into destinations. But they are here. It’s a chair! It’s a chair!” ~ Jeff Foster

Turning the thought around:

It is all here already. There is no ‘almost there’.

No just-around-the-corner. It’s here!

Money, health, wealth, love, success, happiness, awakening.


Can you feel it?

“You can neither look for the truth, nor find the truth, nor lose the truth; for all the time you are the truth.” ~ Adyashanti

Much loveGrace

14 Replies to “When Will I Ever Get There?”

  1. I so get this “the life of Kelly” or “life of Grace” or whatever or whoever we are, which is so changeable over time. So many stories, they are us and yet not us at all. Thanks for your comment sweet one. Much love, Grace

  2. I love this! It struck a chord! It made me feel relaxed. Made me remember my dear sweet time with Jeff and his buddy Ronald in March. I am ever so grateful. I wished I could be on retreat forever or for at least a week! I wanted more time being in a space of deep authenticity of what is the REAL case about life…that we are awareness. There was a lot of crying for me at that retreat from being exhausted and trying to keep the story of “me” and my progress neat and understandable. I even feel like I wanted to make sure people got that I was progressing in my business, education, etc. People know you as these things and they can’t help it I have learned. They tend to know you as being the areas your life. I didn’t want to be known anymore as the life of “Kelly.” I even got frustrated a bit by people (internally only) at the retreat for asking me to tell the story of “me” in some sense by asking where I was from and what I did. I know “they” didn’t frustrate me really. But I guess in some sense I wish I had been more silent in the retreat so I wouldn’t have gotten asked so much about my story. I wanted to be away from my story for awhile and it felt like I couldn’t escape the “incomplete” story of me. Anyhow, thanks for writing this!

  3. Ha, I’ve had these thoughts for years! Good to see them for what they are, and maybe it’s time to let them do what they do and then let them go.
    Thanks for this one. I needed it!

  4. I love this–it is my experience over and over. So funny how we move off into ideas that “I am the one doing this” and how funny it is that this appears to be so normal, so deep. Such liberation! Thank you so much for sharing (and for pointing to the webcast, too). Much love to you, Grace

  5. The other day Katie said on a webcast*: “The purpose of life is you sitting here now. That is all there is to it; there is no big success waiting to happen.”
    And sometimes, when I am investigating my thoughts, I can truly see that.

    From now on, I am going to call this my “it’s a chair!” feeling. Wonderful!

    * It’s the Februari 2015 webcast, the first caller.

  6. Lovely to think of the dear Ram Dass–thank you for the reminder Rose. And so funny, this “getting enlightened” business!–Love, Grace

  7. That is soooo funny! I love it! Our new mantra to help when we need to stop or slow down…It’s a chair! Thank you so much for writing. Much love, Grace

  8. This note came (as Grace Notes are apt to do) at the exact right timing.

    I can *totally* relate to this, especially now with my entrepreneurial hat on. I feel like I’m in a constant state of striving – striving for clients, money, knowledge, professional and personal growth, piece of mind – the list never ends and worst is the realization that I’ve set it up so that I will never “reach” it, never reach blessed relief from this grasping. You’re right…”almost there” permeates through to everything and adds fuel to the anxiety turbines. I had this wacky image of me as a crazed kind of hamster running on a wheel frantically. Thanks for the gentle jostle out of that nonsense. Next time I’m in the throes I’m going to think to myself: “It’s a chair! It’s a chair!”

  9. I have been talking about this with a couple of friends. The trap of “getting enlightened.” The spirituality quest–always searching!! I am the type that loves what is new almost to a default…and good old Ram Dass comes to mind: “Be Here Now.” Easier said than done.

  10. Beautiful share. So powerful to see that energy/thought in motion “ambition gets me to x, or striving is needed for y”. I’m amazed at how many times I had that thought, and how I notice life goes on, even without this thought. Ha ha! :) Thankyou for writing!! Much love, Grace

  11. Thank you so much for sharing, Grace! I am always seeking, too. I’m working full time, in an MBA program, in another 2 year leadership program, and working with a meditation teacher – all trying to find the “more”. I’ve left two marriages because of what I perceived was a total lack of ambition and complacency on the part of my husbands. Maybe (just maybe) I need to slow down and be grateful for what I have right now, and for what I AM right now. I love your posts – they bring me back to reality and what’s important every day.

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