When Someone Asks An Annoying Question

Three summer events you may want to join (and one coolio event in the works on money which will be by donation).

Two are in-person retreats and one is Summer Camp For The Mind, an intensive series of tele sessions you can join EVERY WEEK DAY from July 6-August 7 for one fee ($197). Summer Camp is 5 weeks 5 days per week–you join when its convenient for you, every day meets at a different time of day to accommodate any time zone.

Even if you only came once per week to Summer Camp, you’d have 5 weeks of inquiry-jams to deeply investigate your stressful beliefs…about anything.

In-person summer retreats in the northwest are Breitenbush Hot Springs Resort June 24-28 and Being With Byron Katie July 11-14.

I would love to meet you!


The other day, someone called me to ask me if they could work with me one-on-one.

Yes, I do solo sessions.

But back to the request of this person who called.

Kind of like my mom or a close friend might be, they said….”You got a minute right now to facilitate me?” on voicemail.

I have a question. Can you answer honestly?

I almost guffawed.

Does this person think I’m just….available? Like, NOW?

If they only knew.

But I noticed an old familiar kind of retarded stressful thought I’ve questioned a few times about far more stressful issues: that person shouldn’t have asked.

Not like THAT.

Interesting idea on my part.

Why should they not ask like that?

Really? Like they should know my schedule, or that I sometimes don’t even feel I have time to call people back just to respond to messages and requests for a day or two?

We did a bigger version of this same type of they-shouldn’t-ask stressful-thinking during Year of Inquiry last week.

Someone is applying “pressure” trying to get you to do something, trying to talk you into saying “yes” when you feel “no”. They feel demanding, they don’t like you declining. You feel uncomfortable seconds after the request is made.

Many people noticed this gets REALLY uncomfortable around sex.

Or money.


These are situations that have fairly big consequences.

Although….look at my teensy tiny situation where I had a flash of a thought that this person was off-base to even ask if I was available right now. Stress still appeared even in this minor situation.

Who would you be without the belief they shouldn’t ask?

I notice when I’m without that belief, everyone’s able to ask everything and anything they want, ANY TIME. I can respond, with total honesty.

And if I can’t…..

……as in I can’t say “no” just as freely and easily as the people who are asking me for something…..

……then I get to inquire further, at a deeper level.

Because THAT is the REAL issue.

It’s in the pain experienced through these types of thoughts (the ones you have underneath the idea this person shouldn’t ask).

It would be rude to say no. They won’t like my answer. I don’t want to explain myself. That other asking person and I are separate. They don’t get me or my life. 

They might reject me, get upset, use force, hurt me, feel frustrated or depressed.

But then, who would you be without the belief you’re responsible for their feelings?

Or that any of these things (rejection, etc) are so horrible to experience?

I’m serious!

What if people could just have the reactions they have about my “no”?

And I remained patient, connected, open, and caring about them, about me?

It might take some time to hash out. There may be discussion required.

For the record, whenever I have said “no” after all those years of imagining the worst….no one has even come close.

Kinda funny.

Turning it all around: questions can be asked, by anyone, and answers freely given, by anyone.


Try saying “no”. Try saying “I was surprised when you asked me that because _______ and I appreciate you wanting to make a connection.”

Try saying “When people ask me what you just asked, I feel nervous. I’m afraid it means ______.” Or “when you ask me that, I want you to know I care about you and the answer is no.”

It may be so much fun, and so much more simple than you ever thought, it becomes just as fabulous as saying yes.

At the end of our Year of Inquiry call….I made a suggestion that I learned from other teachers in the past.

Role play you saying “no” or saying “I feel uncertain when you ask this” or “I have a few questions first” or “it’s not possible for me to do that.”

Ask people to ask you things you’re normally really PISSED OFF at being asked.

You may notice, with the practice, you blame others less.

“If you believe anyone’s action is bad, how can you see the good in it? How can you see the good that comes out of it, maybe years later? If you see anyone as bad, how can you understand that we are all created equal? We’re all teachers by the way we live….A mind that doesn’t question its judgments makes the world very small and dangerous.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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