Enlightened by taxes and complaints about who should finish them

“He should have finished it by now.”

Have you ever had this thought, that someone else should have completed something….but they haven’t?


When I was at the School for The Work recently, I did many of the exercises even though I wasn’t always in the room with all the participants, and had duties behind the scenes.

It was wonderful to sit down and fill out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on a situation with someone close where I felt troubled by their action, words, appearance, behavior, communication.

Maybe I reacted with a harsh comment, or surprise, or disappointment.

Anything at all….if it bugged me, it was worth looking at.

Hmmm, what to investigate? I suddenly had the awareness of the thought that someone I know should have finished a certain project by now.

OK fine….it was my husband and it was about our taxes for 2016.

He should have finished them! Six months ago!

You might find anyone in your life where you think they should have finished something by now: children finishing homework or chores by now, friends should have called you back by now, family members should have arrived by now, neighbors should have finished using your lawnmower by now.

And it’s stressful.

I had the incredible opportunity to take a very close look at this particular thought and worksheet with someone facilitating me right there at the school. Nothing better for deeper inquiry than having someone sit with you and ask the four questions–especially if they listen, don’t offer any advice, and avoid lots of discussion.

I loved being able to close my eyes, and answer the questions, in the quiet of someone listening closely without speaking: Is it true he should have finished the taxes by now?

Yes! I’ve never asked for an extension in my life. This is nuts. I’ve never paid a late penalty. So true.

But can I absolutely know it’s true HE should have finished the taxes?

Um. Gulp. No.

Because he hasn’t. And it’s not like he was assigned to them by the master of the universe and he’s the only one who could do the job. In fact, I’ve done my own taxes every year of my life since I started working. I did the taxes through my first marriage, then when I was single for five years, and for the first several years of my newer second marriage.

Who hasn’t finished the 2016 taxes?

Heh heh.

I can’t absolutely know it’s true HE should have finished them.

How do I react when I believe he should have?

Pissy. Complaining. Waaah. I wanted him to take it over. Tantrum. I don’t want to do it anymore. I hate taxes!

I suddenly realize I have still have an unfinished unquestioned oppositional attitude toward taxes. I believe they aren’t fair. The government is taking my money. They don’t support the small business owner! Fist in the air!

I liked taxes better when I was an employee and the taxes just seemed to secretly get whisked off in little payments through paycheck withdrawal, and voila it was done at the end of the year–I never had to write the government a check.

I realize there’s something about that method of not noticing tax payments I really liked and miss. It felt like the money was never mine in the first place, so it was fine to have it subtracted from my paycheck. I was very used to only the take-home pay portion of my salary, as they say.

So here I am arguing with numbers. I’m arguing with how I have to be my own employer and have an attitude of helping me take of bite-sized pieces of dollars, and send these to the government every month.

Gosh, never thought of that.

I was asking my husband to finish taxes and be the one completing them and paying them, but what I really wanted him to do he could never do: make it so I don’t see the taxes due at all. Make it so I don’t get all upset about writing checks to the government.


Who would I be without this very stressful story that he should finish those taxes NOW!?

I’d go home and finish them myself.

I’d write a worksheet on taxes and get my head straightened out about them, because I want them to be smooth, simple, and I want to be an on-time citizen and stay within the law.

I don’t want to demand someone else do what they aren’t doing.

That’s insane, and very aggravating.

Turning the thought around: he should NOT have finished the taxes by now.

How could this be just as true, or truer?

Well, first of all, he hasn’t. He couldn’t have without my input either–I have records, receipts, invoices, expenses–all kinds of things to double-check. He also shouldn’t have finished because it shows me I’m having a hissy fit internally about taxes, and being grabby about keeping “my” money. I think it’s too much to pay. I’m anxious about not having enough. I seem to dislike the thought of writing checks to the government.

A bit of internal work to do in the finance department in my mind.

Another turnaround: I should have finished the taxes by now.

Well here’s the crazy realization: Almost seven months has passed since the official due-date of taxes in the USA. I have been sitting here slightly fuming, worrying, then completely ignoring them almost the whole time.

What a nut case. I could have easily seen they weren’t going to get done by April 15th by my very busy husband who kindly said he’d do them because he wanted to be supportive. I saw it wasn’t happening, and could have organized my daily work so I could get them done. Instead, I blamed my husband.

At the end of this inquiry, my lovely facilitator said “Isn’t it funny you’ve let all these months go by without ever doing The Work on this–and I see from your badge that you’re on staff!”



My facilitator and I had a good laugh.

I love how “staff” is the same as everyone. One mind, questioning the thinking that hurts.

Sometimes, apparently, the urge to ignore something overrides the clarity of inquiry. It appears I have been more interested in complaining about the taxes and arguing with reality than questioning my thoughts about them.

Must be the perfect time, though.

Any sooner would have been too soon.

Because if it should have been sooner that I realized I’m resisting taxes, that too would be an argument with reality. I had to argue with them as long as I did.

“The job of the Buddha is simply to pick up the garbage, to do the dishes, to sweep the floor. In this, he changes the world a little bit for the better…..The world penetrates you, and seeing the garbage becomes a moment of grace. There’s nothing that can’t enlighten you, because everything is perception.” ~ Byron Katie in a Mind At Home With Itself

My job is simply to do the taxes. Seeing the taxes as they are is a moment of grace.

Enlightened by taxes….who would have thought?

Much love,


Do you have a haunted house? You can be your own exorcist with The Work!

It’s funny how we have thoughts, and instantly believe them without question–at least that’s how my mind has worked.

You can spook yourself instantly, by believing.

Have you noticed?

It doesn’t take Halloween ghosties and goblins to scare you. Your own inner Haunted House, the one that holds your painful thoughts, can do the job on any day or night.

But if you don’t really want to haunt yourself with your thinking anymore, you can study anything you fear more closely.

One of my favorite things to study, hands down, is a stressful thought. By sitting with it for awhile, you can explore why, how, where you might have learned it or “bought” it or started carrying it around with you…..where you began to believe it to be true.

The best question for exploring a fearful thought in depth is to ask the following: What do I think this belief means? What does it mean about me? About the world? About someone else or a group of people? What does it mean about my future? Or my past?

In other words, what meaning am I placing on that thought.

The other day, I heard Byron Katie refer to the “meaning” we put on a thought, or a concept, or a story as being like a post-it note.

You grasp the story title, or the meaning, or the whole general feeling of that situation you dislike, and it’s as if you wrote it on a bright green post-it note, or a bright neon yellow post-it note, or maybe a pink one….

….and that’s your label of that situation.

No questioning it. Just assuming it to be true!

For example, you may have had the thought about a partner, just like I have: “he’s boring”. 

There he is watching TV in the den. (Or you can pick your moment that proves that person IS boring).

You’ve got a blue post-it note that has written on it “BORING PARTNER”. Your heart sinks. You wish there was someone around to have a stimulating intellectual conversation with. You want more entertainment in this moment here, right now. Maybe you even feel sorry for yourself because this is yet another boring partner in a string of them. Or you criticize yourself for always being critical.

The whole story is a bit sad, and blue (hence the blue post-it note).

Self-inquiry to the rescue! And let’s use these exploratory questions to dig a little deeper.

What do you think it means, your partner is over there being boring, watching TV? What does it mean about him, about you, about life?

If my partner is boringly watching TV, it means:

  • I must seek excitement elsewhere
  • I am not close to my partner
  • our interests should be the same, but they aren’t
  • he loves something I dislike (TV) so we are incompatible
  • he doesn’t care about using his time well
  • he doesn’t care about being creative
  • he’s addicted to the screen
You may have other different thoughts that come to mind. But the fun thing is, no matter what they are….you can question every one of them, one at a time.


Is this story true?


You can also ask what you think each one of these new additional concepts means and keep adding to your list of stressful or fearful beliefs.


What does it mean that we’re incompatible, for example? Oh no! It means we should break up! Which means we’re getting divorced! Which means I’ll be alone! Which means I need to work harder than I’m already working so I have enough money! Which means I need to find a new partner!


(Talk about Haunted Houses….jeez)!


See how the mind strings together an image of seeing someone I love watching TV, and it turns into needing to find a new partner?


That mind. Silly Rabbit.


Always running around in wild directions so speedy quick, dashing into the future or the past chaotically.


Who would I be without my story “Boring Partner” and everything I think it means?


I’d be laughing.


I’d be carrying on with my activity. I’d be noticing Man Enjoying Himself. I’d be free to be with myself and notice the splendor of the moment. Me moving with the flow, dancing with the world which in only a flash of a moment had a man-watching-TV in it.


Noticing I move back out of the room with TV, drawn to another place joyfully. Noticing a relaxed body, a part of the mind totally open to whatever happens next with wherever this is going.


What a ride! And a stress-free one!


I don’t know about you, but when I have a haunted thought….I’d rather question it than scream.


Or OK, you can go ahead and scream for the fun of it first, but then….take your belief through inquiry.


Best way to exorcise your fearful thoughts ever.

Much love,


Speaking of relationships: Have you ever had a thought NOT about you?

The other day someone wrote to me she’s very interested in the Breitenbush retreat, except for one problem: She’s been happily married for over 30 years.

The thing is, Breitenbush retreat is not for looking at trouble in only primary committed relationships.

It’s for ALL or ANY relationships you feel upset about:

Mom, dad, sister, brother, uncle, boss, co-worker, aunt, son, daughter, friend, fellow student, driver, clerk, tech support helper, teacher, employee, co-worker, stranger, neighbor-down-the-street.

These people may have caused some trouble, right?

You can leave the ones alone who are amicable, easy and solid.

No need to question those relationships at all. I like how Byron Katie says about the good, favorable, fun thoughts “Keep those stories! They’re working for us!”

But any time you’ve felt resentful, disappointed, worried or confused by someone….and I mean anyone….then it’s worthy of inquiry.

Last night I had the privilege of sitting in the first introductory opening night of the School for The Work. What a beautiful crowd of folks showed up to dive into their School of Themselves.

Because that’s what we’re really drilling down into with this self-inquiry process called The Work. We’re taking what WE have noticed bothers us–and it can be anything–and investigating it.

This isn’t about what anyone else has noticed. It’s about YOUR life, what you’ve observed, what you’ve experienced. No one else has gone through what you have. It’s unique, powerful, and pretty amazing.

The other day, someone said he’s got no problems with other people. Relationships? Not an issue.

He said his primary concern is always himself.

Now, this is super common, and you can still do The Work. (YOU are your most important relationship, after all).

But it’s great to contemplate….are you really sure not one single other person has ever disturbed you in your entire life? Can you find small details of others in your world where you’ve thought there must be some mistake, they surprised you, criticized you, worried you, angered you?

These will be YOUR thoughts anyway, even if they are about another person! Your thoughts are the ones you’ll be identifying, then questioning.

It helps paint a clearer picture when you can identify something you dislike or feel nervous about, or feel sad about, when it comes to someone else.

I also like realizing that the only time I’ve ever had a problem with  myself was in some kind of relating….relationship as a verb.

The definition of relate is to make or show a connection between. So in relationships, I am exchanging communication of some kind with another person, or a thing.

I can ask myself if I comfortable with the relating, with the way I feel, as I talk, sit, touch, share time with another being?

Because if I am not comfortable….that’s a place for The Work. That’s what it’s about. Questioning these stressful stories of not feeling comfortable making or showing a connection to someone in life. It doesn’t matter if they long since passed away either. You still have an internal relationship with that person, on the inside.

(It’s really all about what’s inside the mind).

I’ve laughed and thought some relationships or ways of being in the world with humans felt like hell in the past. Literally I was terrified, angry, furious, abandoned.

But with The Work, you get to question what happened. I find out almost every time, I didn’t have the whole picture, I’m not the one in charge of the other person (or the universe), or I played a key part in the whole difficult way of relating that unfolded.

Relating happened. If it wasn’t fun….time to do The Work.

When I do The Work on any relationship in the world that’s ever bothered me, I find curiosity, laughter. I even find appreciation and gratitude.

Who would I be without my story about that person who bugged me? In heaven, not in hell.

Early-bird fee for the winter Breitenbush retreat is only $295 for 3 days (a very low fee to entice people to the gorgeous woods in the cold of winter). Early bird fee ends on October 31st. We begin Thursday evening December 7 and end Sunday Dec 10th at lunch. November 1st, the fee jumps to $395. Call Breitenbush at 503-854-3320 if you want more information about lodging, travel or meals, and to sign up. They handle everything.

“You are a universe to discover. You’re soooo interested in YOU. Have you ever had a thought NOT about you? ” ~ Byron Katie

What an exciting gift to write down your stressful thoughts, no matter who or what they are about, no matter what kind of relationship you’ve had….

….and question them.


Much love,


If you feel lame, it’s OK to have hope (+ Eating Peace new eBook)

Lately I’m doing a ton mega-work on looking at eating and compulsion (or really any addiction of any kind) issues. 

My favorite!

(Haha, not really….well, OK, maybe now that I’ve investigated stories and beliefs, it really kinda is my favorite, but in the thick of it, not so much).

One thing I’ve realized in the experience of whatever addiction actually is…..it’s never hopeless.

Never, ever.

(News flash: if you’re interested in Eating Peace, you can download the new eating peace ebooklet with a seven-day-practice guide to daily steps to inquiry and peace: HERE.)

Once I had a young man come to work with me who felt excruciatingly fearful about avoiding drugs when he felt drawn to them, but also living his life each day in a new location where he didn’t know anyone, and no family was around.

He felt utterly hopeless one morning. Like he couldn’t leave his apartment. HOPELESS.

And yet, when we took at look at what actually happened, he left. He didn’t THINK he could leave, but he did. He called for help.

Something happened, then something else. Change unfolded.

It wasn’t entirely completely absolutely hopeless, even though he THOUGHT it was for awhile. (And I remember having this same kind of thought myself).

If you think it is hopeless, you can question this belief. It’s just a belief, an idea, thrown out by the mind.

Is it true?

I could never, even in the worst nightmare of addiction, find that it was absolutely true, without any doubt at all.

I lived.

Even if my mind was churning out devastated, furious, vicious thoughts about life, it was never true.

Thoughts like: you are all alone, you are a piece of shi*t, you are unloveable, the world is a terrible place, you’re a failure.

I mean, that thing can get nasty, right?

But who are you, without the belief you your situation is hopeless?

Your addictive pattern, your income, your location, your life…who would you be without the bitter thought that it’s hopeless?


Without the thought?

I don’t even know what to say.

But it does make me pause a moment. Whatever “me” is. And whatever “pausing” is. And whatever “hope” is.

I can wonder….who would I be?

Sometimes this Question Four: who would you be without your story….is a strange act of imagination.

When you’re in the thick of fear and dread, you have no idea of the answer. And yet the mind can STILL WONDER who you’d be?

You might come up with possibilities, ideas, you might even be able to paint a picture of what Someone (not you) would be like without that dreadful story.

That’s YOUR mind, able to imagine and come up with answers.

You’re good at the opposite, dark, haunting, violent, horror imagined stories….why not use your imagination for a little of the opposite for once?

Just saying.

Turning the thought around: it’s hopeful. It’s not hopeless.

Whatever “hope” is, is not actually required (the biggest turnaround). My thinking is hopeless….not me, not the world, not everything in my life. Hope is not a “thing” and not even important.


That’s true.

Can you find examples, no matter how small, of how things are rather hopeful around here? Or how whatever they are, hope isn’t needed?


Autumn late afternoon sun beaming on fresh green wet grass. Wild bunnies racing down the road to escape the car. Traffic sounds from rush hour people driving from work. Silence in the evening air.

People I worked with today feeling different than they felt last week when we met. Two days from now, all the people coming for retreat here in Seattle–everyone coming to join with me (amazing) to question thoughts, and change our world.

I took a tour of the retreat house I’ll be teaching at two evenings from now. I was so grateful for the beauty of the place, how gorgeous it’s set up. The location is stunning, and it supports the process of inquiry. Almost no profit for this retreat, due to expenses.

But hopeful?

Why not. And right now, what’s true is quiet tapping of fingers on keyboard. No retreat in sight. Beautiful kitchen table. Friendly laptop. Pretty pink phone. Calendar open to November since that’s the next time I can make any client appointments.

This moment, glorious.

“Hope means intentionally using the idea of a future to keep you from experiencing the present. It’s a crutch, but if you feel lame, use it.” ~ Byron Katie

Hope is not required for happiness right now, I notice. Strange, but true.

And, I can open up to hope, if I feel lame, like I’m limping, like I’m not making it, like I keep dropping into my addictions, like I fall in the hole 50 times a day.

Then maybe the future looks better. But right now? Maybe it’s not as bad as you think. No, really.

Much love,


P.S. Last minute thought to join retreat? You’d be welcome. Reply to this Grace Note. Join us–4 days in The Work.

P.P.S. If you have special interest in ending eating battles of any kind–obsessing about food, body, weight, exercise–then download this guide and let me know if it’s helpful. I’d really love to know. Download it HERE. Share it with others who you think would benefit.

I can’t do The Work on this

Freedom concept. Escaping from the cage

OK, I’m gonna do this. Where’s a pen and paper?

I sat on my couch in the dark month of November 2003, the huge cedar tree just outside the picture window of my old living room, leafing through the book I had just finished; Loving What Is by Byron Katie.

I was looking for the page that said how to actually DO this transformative work, and how four questions could change my life.

I found the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet template.

Now what.

Answer the six questions on this sheet, thinking of a situation with a person where you feel stress, anger, disappointment.

Um. My mind went blank. There were so many stressful thoughts, how could I even begin?

Plus, what was it going to offer to write all those judgments down? It felt terrible. Ugly.

I’ve done enough therapy to last a lifetime. I’m not bugged by people anymore. I’ve raged, talked about, resolved, and discovered how to handle all my old troubling stories. Let’s let sleeping dogs lie! I know it’s all about me, anyway, handling myself from this point forward! I’ve been handling myself for a long while! I’m a grown woman, with two young kids (at the time my children were 9 and 6).

But I kept thinking about the book, and I wanted to try this exercise and actually DO The Work.

I stared at the page referring to starting The Work. Judge Your Neighbor.

OH! Light Bulb! My neighbor! She IS pretty annoying! OK then!

“I’m upset with my neighbor because she comes knocking on the door too often or calls me too much. I want her to stay away and leave me alone. She shouldn’t come over. I need her to stay away and not come over. She is imposing, rude, a pest. I don’t ever want my neighbor to come over again.”

Yes. It was a little repetitive, and not very contemplative. I had no idea how to ask myself what I really wanted, or what my advice to her would truly be so she could change, or what I needed for happiness in this situation.

It was basically crude in the form of one belief. Never come over.

I didn’t take myself very seriously, or think of this as a moment worthy of deep consideration, and certainly not transformation.

I leafed through the pages again of Loving What Is. What do I do next?

Oh, the four questions, right.

Question One: Is it true?

Is what true? The neighbor? Her coming over? Me being bugged? me not wanting her to ever come over again? Grrrrrr.

I read in the book again.

Pick ONE stressful concept I wrote from the worksheet.

How do I pick one? They’re all kind of stressful, aren’t they? But maybe they aren’t, come to think of it. This is not that big of a deal. This situation isn’t a matter of life or death, that’s for sure. I don’t think of my neighbor very much, honestly.


Actually, I need to get the laundry going before the kids get home from school. 

And then, gone like the wind, my attempt at doing The Work was over. All I left was a few repetitive sentences about my neighbor who I didn’t know very well, or care about much, and who certainly didn’t concern me deeply…..who really shouldn’t ever come over.

But there was something about that book.

I really was so moved at the words I read. I was incredibly curious about the idea of questioning beliefs about a situation. Even horrible, violent, awful situations.

How did I know what was true?

I wasn’t sure.

I had enough “personal growth” workshops to realize that what I thought was true in my past, turned out to be survivable, and something I might stop thinking or worrying about so often. I had learned I could change extreme behaviors; I no longer binge-ate food, or smoked cigarettes. I knew change and maturity was possible because I had experienced it.

In a very tiny amount and unsatisfying, mind you, but change was clearly possible.

And it appeared Byron Katie was saying our perceptions, beliefs, assessments of every worrisome incident or situation in life, and becoming very aware of these conclusions, could offer a liberation and definition of “change” I never imagined possible.

I thought you just survived and got over your rough times or terrible situations by talking about them and noticing they were in the past.

I thought you survived by forgetting, or telling one sympathetic person about it, or by getting group support, or by learning new skills and techniques for managing difficult emotions.

This was different. I wanted to understand more.

It wasn’t until I gathered for a weekend in a group, and wrote a new Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, that I understood what The Work could offer.

The fourth question in The Work is “who would you be without your thought?”

I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure who “I” was, or who I would be, or what I’d act like. I couldn’t imagine not having the thought.

What am I supposed to do with this question??! It almost frustrated me.

Until I sat in that big group, listening to others do The Work, so I didn’t have to.

People used their brilliant imaginations to wonder what it might be like to NOT THINK their terrible conclusions. Just one thought at a time.

It takes holding still for a moment. You have to get quiet. You have to be WILLING to wait a second and not decide you’re bored, or annoyed, or scared (which was me almost all the time).

With question four we get to wonder what it might be like without a belief? You don’t have to get rid of the belief, or drop the belief, or erase it from your mind, or chant opposite affirmations to oppose the belief.
No fighting energy is required, just a willingness really to sit with the thought and listen to what it could be like without it.


Or in my case, listen to other people doing THEIR work so I could begin to get the hang of it.


Which is what we’ll be doing in a few weeks in Seattle, Washington for four days.


A small group will be gathering in a beautiful private home specifically run for personal, inner work.


Everyone will be guided to walk through the work, one step at a time, so you don’t have to sit on the couch by yourself the way I did feeling like there was a chasm the size of the Grand Canyon between me and understanding my own mind or what this process even is.


It felt almost impossible for me, the way my mind was so frightened, or anxious, or closed, or opinionated, or nervous, or critical.


But that wasn’t true. It was possible.


It was just like learning to walk….learning to inquire.


One step, then I would fall down; laundry more important than inquiry. Another step, then falling down again; trying to get comfortable from feeling sick and feverish was more important than inquiry. Another step, then falling down again; not leaving my family and traveling far away was more important than inquiry.


Little did I know, every step was closer, in a circling kind of wonderful, unplanned way….to ending the drudgery and pain of believing what I thought was true, that wasn’t.


Doing The Work has become a practice of wondering in a way I never imagined would bring such happiness, sorrow, heart-break, wisdom, joy, clarity and humanness to my life. The full range of human. Not a numb human or a hurt human, but a human with so much more available. And still in process, always.


Which brings me to my invitation. To come join me for The Work. A dedicated time to meditate, follow the steps, and deeply imagine who we’d be without our suffering.


If you need some friendly, supportive hand-holding in this powerful form of inquiry, we meet Wednesday evening October 18th right here near my cottage in northeast Seattle (Lake Forest Park neighborhood) and end Sunday October 22 at 11:00 am.


Four days together in The Work. We’ll walk, sit, write, identify our beliefs, dance (yes, one movement session is planned for any ability), and share inquiry together.


“When I first discovered The Work, I wanted to get as close as I possibly could to understanding the thoughts that the mind was ceaselessly producing. This is the only way to control the uncontrollable mind. I got very still with these thoughts. I met them as a mother would meet her confused child….I wrote down everything the child said about the nightmare, and then I questioned it.” ~ Byron Katie in A Mind At Home With Itself


To read more about the autumn retreat in The Work or to sign up, visit HERE. Commuters OK. One bed still available at the retreat house as of this moment.

Much love,


But I’ve ALWAYS been disturbed by him….An exercise for multiple tough times with ONE person

Noticing a disturbance in the force when it comes to a relationship in your life?

Sometimes you forget all about those difficult memories of that troubling relationship, and it’s of no concern, but other times it’s constantly reappearing in your consciousness….

….But one thing is for sure: when you think deeply of that person, you feel pain, angst, sadness, conflict, fear, anger, upset, trouble.

You might even see goodness in that relationship or person. You’ve analyzed them and been aware of the experiences they’ve had that might make them be that way. You’re trying to go easy on them. You want to understand!

But it just never gets settled, or resolved.
Relationships. You can’t live with ’em, you can’t live without ’em.
Our partner drives us nuts, our mother makes us wince, our siblings break our hearts, our children push our buttons.
And then love relationships….couples seem happier. Singleness appears lonely. Or perhaps we strategize that multiple relationships would be the best way to get our needs met and be comfortable.
We have many stressful beliefs about relationships, partnering, friendship, and family.
We all know that self-inquiry leads to self-awareness, and self-awareness allows us to soften and alter our behavior with ourselves and with others.
Where do we begin, though, when a relationship is really driving us mad?
Here’s an exercise you can do that I’ve loved. I call it the Top Five Exercise. It’s a pre-work piece of work, to help you land on one moment in time and write a worksheet on something that really bugs you.
1)   Get out a pen and paper or your device, and think about one person you’d really love a better relationship with. Write the person’s name at the top of the page. Then write down five situations you found troubling when in contact with that person. It could be something that person said, something they did, a face they made, something you heard about them from someone else, a way they treated you.
These five situations will be snapshots in time. A ten second memory of a moment you felt was difficult, hurtful, upsetting, disappointing.
An example from my own work: Man I Was Dating.
a)    I’m sitting at the airport in his town, having waited for two hours in the pick-up zone for him to come. He arrives and doesn’t seem very excited to see me.
b)   We’re walking on the beach and two teens walk by in bikinis. He turns his head to watch them fade into the distance while saying “wait a moment, I’m distracted…..OK now proceed with what you were saying”. Then turns back to me.
c)    We’re in a coffee shop. He looks up from his cup and says “I’m really not attracted to you. You’re not my type.”
d)   He pushes the gas pedal because we’re late. I look at the speedometer and see it says 85 mph in a 30 mph zone.
e)    We sit at a concierge desk at a hotel speaking to a woman with numerous pamphlets for tours and activities in front of her. He asks about each and every activity. For 1.5 hours.
2)   Now consider the five situations or moments in time you’ve identified. Which one has the most emotional charge right now? Which one do you find most distressing? Pick only one of them. This will be the situation you’re investigating for now. You can always come back to the rest later.
3)   Get a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and hold the situation you picked, only that one, in your head. While you look at that difficult memory, answer the JYN questions without editing, suppressing, or making your thoughts about it sound nice. Be petty, childish, judgmental, hateful, mean, non-politically-correct.
4)   Ask someone to facilitate you, or begin to move through your worksheet in writing on your own (use the One Belief At A Timeworksheet if you do it on your own). Answer the four questions and find the turnarounds on the concepts you’ve written on your Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.
Now here’s one interesting thing that happens sometimes when you do the Top Five exercise: you may realize there are more than only five.
Like, a lot more.
That’s OK. Keep going then. If you start to have memories flood in of ALL THE TIMES that person irritated you, then capture these on paper the same way as the rest of the list. Write a short sentence on what was happening in the moment. Go ahead and be thorough.
Sometimes, people begin to remember things from waaaaay back, like age 6 or age 10, then also events or moments from age 15, 20, 25. If you’ve known someone your whole life who saddens or upsets you, which is not uncommon, then go ahead and make a long list.
You then have your evidence for all the reasons why you feel troubled by this person. Your proof!
And you can begin a thorough investigation.
All it takes is beginning with ONE situation. One at a time.
If you have thoughts like “this will take forever” or “this can never be resolved, there are so many hurtful moments” or “it’s not possible to find freedom from this” or any overarching global thoughts like these about that person….you can question these.
This will take forever. She’s just too difficult. This relationship will never change.
Is it true?
Who would you be without that story?
I noticed the way I would be, was I’d be taking on ONE situation at a time. Trusting the process. Contemplating and looking at only one place I’ve felt oppositional to what is.
That’s all this mind can do at once.
“People don’t have to get along with me. Do I get along with them?–that’s the important question. People don’t have to understand me. Do I understand myself? Do I understand them? And if I understand myself, I understand everyone. As long as I remain a mystery to myself, people remain a mystery. If I don’t like me, I don’t like you.” ~ Byron Katie in A Mind At Home With Itself
I would love to have you at the Breitenbush HotSprings Winter Retreat. It’s worth the drive into the wilderness of the Oregon Cascades. It’s the same as your drive into the wilderness of your mental angst about those people who bother you.
Make the trek. Reserve your cabin. Come cozy up to your thinking. Find the freedom of self-inquiry on an important topic in your psyche, in your life. Soak in the hotsprings, and soak in The Work.
Three days. A beautiful mental cleanse, physical cleanse, pre-holiday cleanse.
To read more about this very inexpensive way to dive deeply into The Work, visit this link HERE. Early bird special lasts until Halloween (10/31) or first come, first served. Limited to 20 people total.

Much love,


They should stop fighting

Yikes. Those two are fighting again!?!

Have you ever witnessed two people arguing with each other, and you wind up feeling super uncomfortable, sad, disappointed, frustrated, furious, or even scared?

Two siblings are fighting over a toy. A couple you know is arguing again over which music to play during the party. Your mom and dad are yelling at each other about who’s responsible for the broken dish. Your grandpa and your dad (hmm, sounds familiar somehow) are furious with each other about where the money went. The two political candidates are interrupting each other constantly.

They shouldn’t be fighting. Hands over ears. It’s driving me nuts. (I remember having this thought once when my kids were little).

Someone I was working with recently knows a guy and his mother-in-law who constantly bicker. At a family reunion, they yelled in the kitchen. One threatened to leave the event. For good.

They really shouldn’t be fighting!

Is it true?

Yes. Come on people. Let’s be civil! You don’t have to fight! Jeez!

Can you absolutely know it’s true, though, that they shouldn’t be at each other like that?

Hmmm. It feels true. It was very alarming for the entire group, for the other people in the room, for the kids, for the neighbors.

It seems absolutely true. This is a deep one. People really shouldn’t fight. Wars happen….people get killed.

How do you react when you believe they shouldn’t fight, when….they’re fighting?

Oh man.

I start to get furious myself. When my kids were little, they were in the back seat of the car, and I screamed so loud all of the sudden they gulped and went silent.

I feel frightened.

I think “those people are wrong! They should Grow Up!” I get very judgey. I might take sides. One of them is a problem. The other should never react. I discuss strategies for helping everyone with the outcome called Project Stop Fighting. I’m on a mission.

But who would you be without this story?

Oh. Wait. You mean, it’s OK that they’re fighting? Because people are getting hurt and….

Just pause. It doesn’t mean, without the thought, that you love war and you’re letting it happen, or that it will never end unless you believe this thought. You aren’t condoning the fight.

It’s just wondering what it’s like without the belief they shouldn’t be when they are.

Deep breath.

People fight sometimes. Humans get hot-headed. We tend to feel passionate about our position, or what’s right and what’s wrong. It does seem to be the way of it. And there are many ways to address that fighting feeling. Communicating with some openness, and willingness. Sharing honestly. Expressing our needs and wants. Saying what we fear. Doing The Work.

Who would we be without the belief those other people shouldn’t fight?

Noticing they are, and not fighting myself.

Turning the thought around: They should be fighting, I shouldn’t be fighting THEIR fighting. 

They are feeling threatened, and some kind of opposition. They don’t know another way to protect, defend, find resolve, be OK with what is. They’re raising their voice in order to be heard, to say what they need to say. Animals do it, too. Why would I argue with reality, with nature?

Fighting also helps people draw lines, create boundaries when they feel frightened. It may not be the easiest way, or kindest way, but it’s what they know best.

And oh man oh man, I definitely shouldn’t be fighting. I get all riled up, tense, angry, and join in the energy to blow the whole fight up. Violently. It doesn’t feel so good.

I should be peaceful, and when I’m not, I can question my thoughts about fighting.

“I saw that the world is what it is in this moment and that in this moment people couldn’t possibly be more loving than they are. Where reality is concerned, there is no ‘what should be.’ There is only what is, just the way it is, right now. The truth is prior to every story. And every story, prior to investigation, prevents us from seeing what’s true.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,


You need their love, praise, money, companionship, home cooking….are you sure?

It’s funny (sort of) how we humans tend to move towards things we think will benefit us, individually. Nothing wrong with it, but it can be very stressful if you think that without it, your life won’t be as good, or isn’t as good already.

I need or want “x”….and I’m sure I’d be better off with it. So I go a-hunting for it. I try to acquire it. I try to earn it. I bend over backwards for it.

Maybe I sacrifice for it.

Money. Relationship. Happiness. Security. Adventure. Enlightenment.

I’ve seen other people with the thing I want. But not me.

Relationships can be presented in this way. The belief for some is that it’s better to have one. When you get a good, close, committed love relationship….then you’ll be happy. You’ll be secure. You’ll have companionship. You’ll get things, like a house or status, or cash, or attention, or fun, or someone to talk to.

It’s such a strong desire for many people that matchmaking businesses make a lot of money connecting people. People just feel so very certain if they find someone and call them their special companion, move in together, get married….

….they will get what they want. Then they’ll be happy.

An inquirer once came to me to work on his beliefs about couples.

He wasn’t in a relationship. But he thought he should be. He really thought he needed a girlfriend. He had enlisted in many services to help him find a mate.

And yet, so far, he was single basically his entire life.

I asked him what he thought couples had, that he didn’t?

And since we were doing The Work, which is all about your real thoughts on the subject without editing, I asked him also what was the worst that could happen if he was in a primary relationship with another person and it didn’t go the way he liked?

So he thought about what he believed he would have, if he had a girlfriend (and then a wife) and he said he’d have sex, and someone better at cooking than him….so, meals. A welcoming kitchen. A companion for trips overseas.

Another time, I was working with a woman who had been married for ages. She felt bored and tired of her husband of 30 years. Uninvolved in his life, disconnected, uninterested, uncaring.

What made her NOT leave or move to South America where she longed to go? She also answered honestly, since we were doing The Work.

Money. Security. She didn’t have to work at a job as long as she remained married and didn’t disrupt the status quo.

What I see in what people bring to relationships, is extreme amounts of stress when they expect something in return for being in the relationship, or expect they owe something for being in the relationship.

I give you “x”, you give me “y”, we have a deal.

Problem is….humans aren’t that reliable.

Life itself isn’t that reliable, or known, can’t be planned, can’t be controlled, isn’t a trade agreement. It’s also not All About Me. Making sure “I” at least get some, even if everyone else doesn’t.

But let’s do The Work, and see where this goes. Nothing like inquiry to open up the awareness and the gate of understanding.

What do you believe a love relationship will give you? If you’re already in a committed relationship, what do you believe your relationship ensures?

You need that relationship in order to be: wealthy, free to not work, adventure, expand emotionally, feel loved, grow, be seen as cool, feel safe.

Is this true?

Be honest.

If you say “yes” see if it’s absolutely true for all time that you need that relationship in order to be ______ (fill in the blank).

How do you react when you believe you need a relationship in order to feel or get or be loved, rich, safe, honored, comfortable, enlightened, seen in a good light?

Oh man.

The man who came to do The Work was looking at this pay-off for having a relationship: sex, companionship, meals.

How he reacted was he dated many, many women and broke up with them if they didn’t like to cook or want to keep house. He paid for elaborate adventures and bought gifts for the ones who did. He constantly wished for the ideal woman. He felt critical and angry when someone he thought might be the “one” didn’t do it the way he preferred.

He treated himself like his own company wasn’t that great–and being with another was better. He always felt restless and frustrated. He said he felt resentful if the sex wasn’t right.

Who would you be without your story?

We do place so much on relationships. It’s in the love songs, and our language. We project feeling supported, loved, valued because of that other person’s actions, or what they say.

But who would we be without our story of relationship?

Sometimes, I’ve had the thought I’d be alone. It doesn’t mean that at all.

Without the stressful story of relationship meaning we’re loved, safe, secure, wealthy, compensated (and the story that without one it means we aren’t or we’re not)….

….I find I’m free to love unconditionally.

Truly resting in love. No deal-making. No trades. No focus on myself and how this is all about me and “my” relationship. No expectations. No hardness. No risks. No scarcity.

Without my story of relationship being necessary in order for me to feel safe, for example, I notice the joy of how much safety I’ve experienced whether in relationship, or not. I survived, so far. Someday I won’t.

And it won’t be because I wasn’t in a relationship (LOL). It will be because it’s my time to go. I’m not in charge.

The sweet inquirer who did The Work noticed that without his thought of needing a relationship for sex, companionship or meals….

….he could see how much he loved going to restaurants all the time, and all the servers he knew like friends. He could enjoy the company of many kinds of people, in wide variety. He loved his alone time and the simplicity of life without focus on anyone else. He paid for pornography that had no attachment. The trade was money. This felt really easy for him.

Turning the thought around: I do NOT need a relationship in order to be _______ (wealthy, safe, loved, comfortable, grow, etc).

Can you find advantages of not being in relationship, if you aren’t?

Can you find advantage for being IN relationship, if you are?

How exciting, thrilling and fun to explore whatever is here, and to appreciate it without expectations, demands, control, or neediness.

“When you say or do anything to please, get, keep, influence, or control anyone or anything, fear is the cause and pain is the result.

If you act from fear, there’s no way you can receive love, because you’re trapped in a thought about what you have to do for love. Every stressful thought separates you from people. But once you question your thoughts, you discover that you don’t have to do anything for love. The fact is that when I have my own approval, I’m happy, and I don’t need anyone else’s.” ~ Byron Katie in I Need Your Love–Is That True? 

Turning the thought around again: I need a relationship with myself in order to be ______ (fill in the words you’ve been looking at). I need a relationship with my own thinking.

I’ve often thought about how this doesn’t mean I live in a bubble and never ask for a thing. Not at all.

If I’m thirsty, I go get some water or ask for it or buy it. But I don’t believe I need a special relationship to quench my thirst. I’m an adult, with an open mind. I can move to care for myself and all connect with all life, with ease.

I find when I am accepting of myself entirely, why would I ever “need” to receive compliments, money, companionship, love, growth, praise, nurturing, safety through any relationship. I’d have all these things available to me already through the whole world.


If you want to really work on relating and relationship in your life, and clean up your stressful thinking when it comes to what you think you need from someone else….come to Breitenbush in December. Watch here for the short invite my husband Jon and I made for you:

One profound option, when they don’t care about you

In December, I’ll be facilitating a 3 day Relationships Retreat with my husband assisting (who is wonderful with The Work). We’re inviting anyone who wishes to do The Work on an important or stressful relationship: partner, child, boss, mother, father, relative, friend, sibling. Find out more HERE.

Speaking of stressful, difficult relationships….

Someone in Year of Inquiry brought a powerful situation and thought to our group inquiry call.

Many stressful situations have appeared already in our group calls, since everyone’s taken the dive into their first Judge Your Neighbor worksheets–a moment of suffering, resentment, sadness, despair, worry.

This particular thought can be so very painful, when you believe it:

She doesn’t care about me.

Maybe it’s “he” or maybe it’s “they” in your situation.

People think this very painful thought about love relationships, family members, companies, bosses, employees, children, schools, the government.

They don’t care, and I feel horrible, lonely, left out because of it.

Like the inquirer who so beautifully explored his situation yesterday on our group call, I was a bit amazed at how often this belief has come to surface in my mind and awareness.

That person doesn’t care, because they don’t turn towards me, ask me questions, look at me. Or they say something mean. They criticize me. They dismiss me. They fire me. They ignore me.

(I’ve also had the thought someone cares too much about me, LOL, but that’s for another day).

Let’s start at the very beginning.

Remember that time, when you felt Not Cared About? Maybe it goes way back, into childhood, or maybe it happened yesterday.

She or he doesn’t care about you….is it true?

YES! She’s never responded, written, called, texted….nada. I’m getting the silent treatment. If she cared, I’d hear from her. She wouldn’t have cut me off!

Can you absolutely know it’s true?


This was the same answer as the inquirer in Year of Inquiry yesterday. Yes, Yes, Yes. It’s true, and absolutely true. I know what caring looks like, and it’s not this.

How do you react when you believe they don’t care about you?

Devastated. Lost. Self-critical.

I have images of the future, and they’re all bad. Failure, or me lying all alone in my house, no one else around. I feel abandoned, sad and frightened.

I review what I did….thinking it must have been wrong. If I had been nicer, or asked her questions earlier, maybe this lack of caring could have been prevented. I attack myself for not seeing it more clearly in the past.

And I definitely attack her. Look at what she’s like….she’s ridiculous. I make a great case in court for her being a lousy person, which explains everything, right?

But who would I be without my story of that person not caring about me?

In our telegroup when the inquirer was looking at this question, he couldn’t really find who he’d be. Too difficult.

I like the exercise of pretending we’re watching a movie of the situation we think is “proof” of lack of caring.

In my situation I’m one of the characters in the scene of course, and I’m looking at myself. There’s me, sitting all alone in my cottage in silence, with empty space in the room and no good friend who I thought cared. I have no returned call, no letter, no text, no voicemail. Just silence and quiet.

Who would that woman be (who is me), sitting alone in her cottage living room, without the belief that someone else in the world does not care (in my case, an old friend)?

The inquirer in our Year of Inquiry group looked at himself in a restaurant, watching his partner not include him in the conversation. Man eating a nice meal, looking around, noticing people, the environment.

If that man didn’t have the thought “she doesn’t care about me” who would he be?

Who would I be?

Relaxed. Feeling the room. Watching. Noticing so much going on in that scene, that environment. Couch, desk, pen, rug.

Could silence be “care”?

Except for my mind’s judgments about silence and quiet and no one being there….I might find the quiet very beautiful, very supportive, and very connected. Even magical.

Even exciting.

She does care about me.

Could this be just as true, or truer?

I suppose. She’s not hurting me, like yelling at me or taking away my stuff, or breaking something I like. She’s leaving me alone.

Actually, she’s taken me very seriously–so seriously she’s chosen to not ever respond to me or write back, or call, when I’ve reached out. She’s cared very, very much. She’s working through her own process. It doesn’t require contact with me, at the moment.

Turning the thought around again: I don’t care about me. 

Do you criticize yourself? Ruminate on what you said or did “wrong”?

I sure did, in my situation. I thought I should have been more clear with her, read her better, been sharper, or more easy-going. I told myself I shouldn’t care, too, when I really did. Which was not very caring.

Turning it around again: I don’t care about her. 

In that situation, how is this just as true?

I don’t relax, and let her be herself, moving on into a life without me actively in it. I don’t like her silent treatment. I rip her to shreds in my mind and see pictures of her deserving to suffer.


“There’s no release or escape from yourself until you leave him alone and focus on your own turnarounds. Changing him [her] will no longer be your life’s work. You can be your life’s work. You’re the one who believes in change.” ~ Byron Katie in I Need Your Love–Is That True?

The quickest way to peace with that person who doesn’t care?

Leave them alone. Question my own caring. Redefine skewed ideas of what “care” is. Notice. Rest.


Much love,


Plus, October 4-day retreat in northeast Seattle 10/18-10/22, five more spots for commuters. Gorgeous setting, I’ll help you find an AirBnB nearby if you’re traveling (and if you want to sleep on the couch/air mattress at the retreat house, that works, too).

Victory goes to the one who knows how to do THIS

An old friend…well OK let’s be honest…a flame I once was obsessed with for five minutes, sent me an invite for tea.

I was curious. I wonder what he’s like now? I replied “yes”.

Then, as the scheduled time grew closer, it didn’t seem like such a good idea.

It hadn’t been all that great an 8 week relationship. The exchanges were intensely dramatic, he had disappeared into some kind of mental angst and alcoholism.

Why was I interested?

It might have been different if there was a clear request for a discussion about what the hell happened all those years ago, or the sweetness of tying up loose ends, or resolving unfinished business.

So I made excuses and cancelled.

The excuse?

The reality that I’m spending tons of time with a dying friend in spare moments right now. It’s very meaningful to me to be with this friend as he rests in bed, someone I’ve known since childhood and cared for deeply. We share such powerful conversations–always have. Eloquence, laughter, well-read.

We both love our connection.

I said to Old Brief Flame that I’m not so available right now after all.

Which is true.

And then the real reason I didn’t want to get together with Old Flame appeared in living color.

He wrote several paragraphs via email about how I should behave, think, feel and act in the presence of someone who is dying. Something about letting go and releasing the “draining” energy to the universe.

I thought….Really? You have advice? YOU?!

(I know, it’s kind of mean.)

“Don’t rescue me, or lecture me, or act so superior. You think you’re so spiritual and enlightened now that you’re a sober person? Really? You have advice for me about how to stay present with someone who’s dying? Your ego is the size of Montana!” 

I felt this surge of annoyance with Old Flame. Gross.

And then I knew, time for The Work.

I’ve done The Work on this person before! Because…Old Flames tend to bring up moments for “situations” to investigate. And now, the returning changed person, a new version of them, appears to be present. Yet I’m dismissing it based on old experience.

Definitely time for self-inquiry.

He shouldn’t give me advice. 

You can do this work with anyone whose advice you might find questionable. Parents can sometimes be great targets for this thought. Someone you’ve thought of as unable to advise. For whatever reason. They shouldn’t. You have your own path. Can’t they see it??

Let’s do The Work.

Is it true he shouldn’t give me any advice?

YES. Jeez. This guy was living on the streets in his car. (Add lots of commentary about how extreme it was and what a nut job or basket case that person was).

Can you absolutely know it’s true, he shouldn’t give me advice?


Clear throat.


I don’t really know what he’s like now. Maybe I never did. I have no idea. Which means, the answer is “no”. I can’t absolutely know it’s true I shouldn’t be hearing this advice, in this moment, from this particular person. Plus…people who go to extremes can sometimes be brilliant. Byron Katie comes to mind.

How do you react when you believe he shouldn’t give you advice?

I get a huge surge of irritation, like a red fire energy flame lighting from me and sending towards him. It feels attacking. Defensive.

What is going on? Can’t the man say what he wants about dying people? I mean…..jeez!

Who would I be without this thought?

Aware of how many judgments I’ve landed on about this man. Aware of my own disappointment, distress, fear, frantic worry about this man. Aware of my unfinished resentment, repeating itself, about this person I cared about once, even if briefly. Aware of the grief of being with the current very dear friend, who won’t be here much longer.

Without this thought that he shouldn’t give advice to me….I’m open. I hear him. I read his words. What’s so disturbing about taking the words seriously, respecting them?

Long ago, my former husband used to resist the advice of his father. He had the very same thought. It repeated itself almost every time we went to see my former husband’s parents.

He shouldn’t give me advice!

Who would we be without this thought?

Such a stressful thought.

There that person is, giving a stream of advice by talking talking talking, writing writing writing.

What if we weren’t against that stream of expression, that we’re calling “advice”?

I’d be light, free, even feel humorous, joyful, and kind.

Turning the thought around: I shouldn’t give HIM advice.

Oh. Right. I especially shouldn’t give him advice about giving advice. I see the advantage in letting things loosen up and relax when hearing someone make suggestions. No big deal. I don’t have to “take” the advice. I can listen, openly, to what it is. It doesn’t mean it’s the correct advice. It doesn’t mean he thinks I’m wrong. It doesn’t mean anything troubling. It’s just someone caring, being who they are, sharing with me.

Thank you for sharing your suggestion. Thank you for caring. It doesn’t mean I “have” to do it to make them happy.

Turning it around again: he SHOULD give me advice. How could that be just as true, or truer?

Oh, seriously? That can’t be true….can it?

But we’re just looking here at reality. And if I’m friendly towards it, if I’m open to what reality is doing, then why wouldn’t I be open to someone sharing advice with me? Reality is someone writing to me words about how to be with dying people. That’s thoughtful! I might need it! I’m spending a lot of time with a person who is dying, after all. So it makes perfect sense I would need this kind of advice.

I might want to look carefully at the words received, and notice how helpful they are. I notice this man has also been close to death. He may know a thing or two about it, first hand. He’s danced with it himself. He’s the perfect person to give advice about being with someone dying.

I love Byron Katie’s quip about everything being the way it’s supposed to be. “How do you know you’re supposed to hear it? You heard it. How do you know you’re supposed to read that advice? You read it.”

It doesn’t mean you deserved it. Or that you should follow the advice. It just means, it’s not out of order it was offered.

Turning it around again: I shouldn’t advise myself, especially when it comes to my Old Flame.



What do I know about his journey? Not much, honestly. It was many years ago. The way we related so long ago was immediate, and intense, and unexpected. And over, quickly. I have no clear way to judge what his advice means, or whether it’s bad or good advice. It has nothing to do with me.

This would be the same with anyone who gives advice. Perhaps their words, language, writing, gesture is brilliant. Perhaps it’s the perfect thing for you to hear, in that situation.

With love, and an open heart, you hear the advice and feel joy.

And who knows what you’ll actually do, or feel, or say, or follow.

“Your enemy is the teacher who shows you what you haven’t healed yet. Any place you defend is where you’re still suffering. There’s nothing out there that can oppose you. There is just fluid motion, like the wind. You attach a story to what you perceive, and that story is your suffering. I am everything that I have ever called other people; they were me all along.” ~ Byron Katie


There my Old Flame friend is, writing what he writes on email, showing me what I haven’t healed yet.


That I feel the deepest grief, the heart-breaking agony, the joy, the depth, the fear, the pain, the rawness of being with humans I care very much about and with whom I am deeply connected….


….and who I lose because something changes about the relationship. They need to go into treatment to get sober. They need to move into the Great Beyond because they have cancer. They get old and I grow up (and also get old, by the way).


Who would I be without my story that they shouldn’t give me advice?


“When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield.” ~ Tao Te Ching #69
Much love,
Next up for gathering together in inquiry: October 4-day retreat in northeast Seattle, December 3-day retreat at Breitenbush HotSprings, Eating Peace Process in November.