The solution to shame: showing what you really feel (come work it at autumn retreat)

One of the most powerful experiences of transformation I’ve ever encountered is to truly, honestly, openly and without shame (or, even if I do have shame) express my feelings, and be witnessed by others.

Thirty years ago, I was in a powerful weekly group process for 3 years where we looked closely and deeply at our troubled feelings, and shared them.

We showed them to others.

Instead of talking about fear, or sadness or hurt….we cried, screamed or spoke the story we were believing with an honest heart. Self-consciousness dissolved. The energy changed.

Something’s been happening within me for the past several years where I’m connecting this honest expression of feeling with self-inquiry and The Work, which seems to require thinking.

It’s been underway as a weaving together for a very long time. In this autumn retreat coming up, we’ll gently and kindly spend more time allowing the feelings that appear. We’ll notice them, encourage them, be with them.

I love these feelings, our inner world–the temple bell that says “time to inquire”. If you’d like to join me in the honoring of your inner life, and self-inquiry, then consider coming to northeast Seattle in three weeks to be in the adventure of loving kindness with who you are, even when you believe un-believable and very troubling thoughts.

Especially when you believe unbelievable and troubling thoughts. Join me in the retreat by signing up here.

Speaking of unbelievable thoughts. I’ve had kind of an embarrassing thought that’s reared it’s head lately again–but also many times in the past.

I shared about it on facebook today. I keep forgetting to tell you all I’m doing a facebook live every single Tuesday at 4 pm Pacific Time. The video gets recorded and posted immediately on my facebook page here.

The stressful and slightly embarrassing thought I’m bringing to The Work today?

“I don’t have enough money. I want more.”

In my facebook video, the story I told from ten years ago felt like a threat to my very survival.

When I had the thought recently it was different. But both times, I definitely felt ashamed.

This more recent kind of not having enough is like a sorrowful, complaining, piteous kind of Not Enoughness.

I just want more.

I already know I don’t neeeeeeeed more. It’s not urgent, it’s not an emergency.

But by comparison those other people have so much more than me. And I hate it. They can do whatever they want, buy whatever they want, decorate however they want, have whatever they want, spend their time however they want, go wherever they want.

And what makes it worse is, I shouldn’t be complaining about this. There are starving people in Africa. I’m such a greedy American. It’s ridiculous. Poor baby can’t have her electric car or gym trainer or yoga retreat.


That sounds so harsh, right?

I work with so many people who have stressful thoughts, and then think they’re being horrible people for having them.

I can relate. But even if embarrassing, I still have the belief “I don’t have enough money”.

I don’t have enough money for doing lavish things I’ve seen in the movies or heard about from time to time like hiring a plane to take me to an island. I don’t have enough money to go on another retreat. I don’t have enough money to do nothing all day.

Instead of hitting yourself with harsh-ness for having a thought, let’s actually do The Work instead. Because it’s sweet and loving and very kind to give yourself the care and attention of looking at a thought that feels true.

Here are my favorite questions to ask first, when it comes to thoughts about not having enough money:

1) What would you have, if you had all that money you dream of and could acquire the things you want? Success? Rest? Ease? Freedom? Security? Look at those other people you’re comparing yourself to….what do they have that you don’t have?

2) What’s the worst that could happen if you never, ever get that amount of money? Lack of fun? Failure? Lack of comfort, or care? Will you suffer?

Is it true I don’t have enough money to have freedom, fun, joy, comfort, security right now?

Can any amount of money guarantee any of these things?

Haha. No.

Do you really need more money to gain time, happiness, safety, or freedom?

You might genuinely be able to attain a little more comfort. You might get to sit in a chair that cost $3800 instead of $38 and notice it feels a bit softer or looks more elegant.

But as Byron Katie says so beautifully….sitting is sitting.

Is more money really seriously required for you to be happy right now, in this moment?

Are you sure you need as much as those Other People, who have millions? Are you sure you aren’t equally capable of obtaining as much as them, whether it’s money or other interesting adventures in life?

Who would we be without our beliefs about wanting or needing MORE?


I’d feel very connected to those others. I’d trust they need what they have, and I need what I have. I’d be aware that money comes and goes and moves about and stays or doesn’t, like the weather.

I’d notice I love receiving money and trading it for other things I need like food, or heat, or clothing.

I’d notice how much fun this is, like a game instead of a serious dilemma. Just as much fun to be connected and play and delight in money as in lack of money.

Turning the thought around: I do have enough money. I don’t have enough supportive/clear thinking (about money). Money doesn’t have enough of me.

Those qualities or conditions I want from money? Perhaps it’s time for me to give these to the world, to others, to money itself: support, service, respect, comfort, ease, freedom, love. I could give these qualities to others, to the world, instead of grabbing for them in this situation.

Today I received two registrations for fall retreat within an hour, and suddenly my thought about not having enough people signed up went away.


I thought about the two empty rooms with king sized beds still available for participants to stay onsite that are not yet filled. I’ve already paid for them. I won’t get reimbursed if no one stays there. I’ll lose money. It will be bad. I need more money for those rooms.


Who would I be without this thought?

Noticing I watch, wait, write, act and it’s a big wonderful magnificent dance. I have no idea how many people will be sleeping onsite until October 17th.

I don’t know how many people will attend retreat until it’s over.

Recently, as you probably know if you read Grace Notes, I got to attend and witness so many beautiful people doing The Work during a 3 day retreat I was not leading. One person left after the first day. Slipped away without saying goodbye.

Reality shows us who is supposed to be there and who is not.

How very, very exciting. What a wonderful sense of trust, joy, and action. I notice I still speak or share about the upcoming retreat, but no one has to come.

If no one showed up at all (which appears to be untrue based on the list of committed folks I have…but you get the idea)….

….if no one shows up, then I notice I get 4.5 days of silent, peaceful, quiet retreat time to do The Work on my own and really be my own facilitator in a way I could never imagine in my past life. Isn’t that truly what I always wanted, to be friends with silence, and my inner emotional world, and my thinking?

What a spectacular fun turnaround scene to notice in the mind in my imagination: that if no one came, or no money showed up when I think I want or need more, no vacation or skin treatment or new bicycle was ever possible in my entire life (or anything I think would be nice)….

….that I’d know I did my best, I stepped forward with courage and willingness, I’m not wrong or some kind of greedy weirdo, I treated money as a loving friend not an enemy who’s teasing me or leaving me out, that I questioned my stressful opinions and found humor and joy.

Who would you be without your story of Not Enough?

Much love,
P.S. As I mentioned, when I was in my late 20s, I was in a drama therapy and primal/gestalt corrective parenting group for three years. Fifteen years later I found The Work.

In autumn retreat we’ll listen to our emotional experience and listen to our bodies as we do The Work. There’s no shame in our feelings. They point us to our stories. They tell us and show us what we’re believing. Come join me in this transformational Work of Byron Katie. Questions? Hit reply here or call me 206-650-1230.

A big invoice, a big realization (+ fb live tomorrow)

Despaired woman accounting looking into the camera in the living room

Speaking of turnarounds.

About two months ago I received an unexpected bill. For about ten times the amount I originally expected. GULP.


I kind of coughed and said to myself, well OK. I guess this is required so we’ll just move forward if we’re seeing this house project through. Keep calm and carry on. Stiff upper lip!

(I love those English sayings; perfect expressions showing a stressful belief or two is running. Plus it’s basically my historical roots. Stiff upper lip = do not allow any quivering to show in your lip that may suggest sadness, crying, or breaking down with emotion in the slightest way)!

But then.

A new and different thought appeared.

I shouldn’t be paying this bill all by myself. Someone else should help me.

Gosh. Who would be helping me on my house project? There’s only one other person who lives at said house.

My husband.

(Poor man).

But he can’t afford to help with this bill. He should not be a teacher. He would make more if he had a different job. It’s all on me. Waaaaah. Poor me. I’m burdened.

It was about that mature, too.

How did I react when I believed I have to do everything (huff) when it comes to this bill?

Resentful. Seeing pictures of me being depended on, relied on. Not wanting the lead role, preferring the escape-artist role. Wanting to un-do my commitment to this project that created this bill in the first place.

Goodbye cruel world that demanded all that unexpected money from me!

Um. Yes. Kind of dramatic.

So who would I be without this very stressful belief, where I thought I was a Big Fat Victim doing it All Alone?

Without the beliefs my husband should help me financially with this bill, the bill shouldn’t even be this high, and I have to do this project all alone and drain my bank account?

First of all, I’d be noticing my bank account is not drained because of this bill.

Let’s just get that straight immediately.

Next, without the beliefs I can’t do it alone, but I have to, but I want help, and he should help me….

….I’m suddenly just….here.

Woman thinking about a bill. Seeing it’s not an emergency, it’s simply unexpected. Woman with questions about the bill. Woman not panicking and running screaming to husband (person closest to her).

My husband is so optimistic and kind, and yet I could tell my hissy fit took him aback a little. Maybe a bit sad that I suggested he needs a different job.


Without my belief that I’m alone in my purchases, I sit with the issues of money, choices, preferences, questions, bills, bank accounts, and notice how fast I go to fear when I see large numbers on bills.

Who would I be without the belief that money is what I need in this situation?

Oh. Right.

I’m calmer. Awake. Not grabbing the nearest person and pulling the underwater with me in my panic.

Turning the thoughts around:

I don’t have to do this alone, I’m choosing to pay this bill and trade money for a great project. No one has to help me. My bank account isn’t closing because of this bill. This is exciting, creative, thrilling. No need to pull the man I live with into the concern in a frightened way–I can talk with him calmly and ask his advice if I want.

This situation is safe.

The bill gets paid. A pen wrote some numbers on a piece of paper and it got mailed. Nothing else actually happened.

But even if you have a situation where it’s not possible to pay an apparent bill….notice the safety that’s still present in this moment. Free air to breath. Water to drink. Fed. Clothed. Alive.

It was my thinking that was alone, my thinking that needed more money/support, my thinking that paid for everything and my thinking that brought a big payment of suffering to me.

I didn’t need more money, I needed more inquiry.

Thank goodness for inquiry.

Because once I entered the world of questioning if my fearful thoughts were true, I saw it was an inside job, I felt no more demand or plea to my husband, and I had a few questions to ask from the company sending the bill.

There was a Living Turnaround: I wrote an email, the company responded almost immediately addressing every question, and I had a far greater understanding of the overall picture and future expectations for billings.

What a relief I gave myself.

I still felt the “yes” of this project and the joy of being a part of making something different that apparently requires money and payments and bills….and this flow is all very exciting. And safe.

It was my thinking that was ten times bigger than originally expected. It ballooned into a ginormous dark cloud of future not-enough-ness and resentment.

Over a piece of paper.



If you want to come join me to do The Work on another common stressful belief, head over to my facebook page(WorkWithGrace) tomorrow morning, Saturday April 14th at 8:00 am PT. Hit reply to this email to share a thought you’d like to hear questioned. Let’s do The Work.

So Much love,


P.S. The 7th Great Parenting Show with Jacqueline Green (a fabulous inquirer in my Year of Inquiry program) is underway, and I got to tune in today and was fascinated with Dan Siegel and Brad Yates speaking about fear and cultivating presence and safety–helpful for all of us (including EFT). You can watch interviews for free over the ten days by signing up here.

Without the story that it’s better when your partner has money….who are you?

The other night I had a seizure. A thinking-feeling seizure.

For about an hour. Seriously.

You might think….wow, that’s a long time for an actual seizure.

Shouldn’t a seizure be only a few minutes? Or ten at the most? I mean, medically and all….

No. It was at least an hour. And OK, it was a thinking seizure, not a full-blown physical medical episode, and I see now how these kinds of seizures can go on for years, and years, without question.

But honestly….it was a thousand times shorter than the seizures I used to have.

Here’s what happened.

I listened to a dear friend who I adore (he really is wonderful, creative, and passionate) tell me about a predicament with his beloved partner.

I could see the scenes in my head.

Partner; overworked, crushed, losing job saying “Screw you Boss!” yet again, lying on couch in physical pain after being on feet for twelve hours.

My Friend; frustrated with partner for losing job, guilty for feeling angry (because–physical pain from working on feet for so many hours), terrified for need of money, ready to sell house.

On my way home in my car with my own husband and partner after the evening was over….

….Me; OMG I NEVER want this to happen to me! To us! You should earn more money and get a different job!

Marriages are liabilities! People get too dependent on each other!! Partners should happily love working hard and support their spouses! Committed couples should take care of each other financially! 

Yes, it was flailing all over the place yelling completely opposing ideas.

And don’t pick “duds” for your primary relationship, by the way. As in, the ones who don’t work hard or don’t have good luck or aren’t supportive or who are screwed up.

People shouldn’t ever be burdened by their partner, financially or otherwise! EVER!



The story I was remembering and telling and picturing in my head was an ancient one. That it’s best if the person with whom you are in relationship, live with, share time with or do things with as companions should have money, be a good worker or earner, pay their fair share and never lose their job. Right? They’re motivated, ambitious, and they want to get more money. And give it to you sometimes.

It’s pretty embarrassing.

Later, my very kind husband who is incredibly non-reactive and patient, said after I apologized for basically telling him he should quit his teaching job with kids and earn more….

“Yes, it was like you heard there were dangerous purple cows loose, and you freaked out about purple cows breaking down our door.”

He’s so awesome.

So let’s take a look at this old and stressful fairy tale about obligation in relationship.

Is it true that you have some kind of advantage if you’re in a relationship with someone who has money? Or a disadvantage if you’re in relationship with someone who doesn’t?

Yes. Duh.

But can you be sure? Are you positive that money in a primary relationship/partnership will bring you happiness, security, relaxation, peace? Are you sure lack of money from the partner will bring you unhappiness?


I once dated a man with loads of cash, tons of assets and investments. We did many things where the bills were wildly beyond my limits for contributing. I visited luxury, in his presence. It was fun, sort of. For about ten minutes.

I saw it wasn’t true that it’s better if your spouse or companion has a lot of money. He was stressed, anxious, and unhappy. Even if he had been a deeply happy person, though (and sometimes, he WAS)….

….Money didn’t buy peace or trust or guarantees or support for us (for me). No way.

How do you react when you believe you need extra, or a buffer, a contribution, or someone to earn as much or more as a partner? And never lose their job?


I treat myself like what I do isn’t enough. I orient myself in the world of I-need-more or I-need-different. I secretly resent. I don’t trust that person’s own path. I envy other people in partnership with someone wealthy. I hyper-focus on money and financial assets. I think money means safety, or support, or love.

So who would I be without this very stressful fairy tale?

Without the belief that partners should make more, have more or give more money?

Without this thought, I feel so very excited. Relieved, and then beyond relief into joy. Aware of what is here supporting me. A chair, a floor. Air, water, creativity, life.

Without this entrenched and ancient story of money, and someone else’s money, supplying happiness or safety, I’m so free. I notice how happy and how safe I am right now. I notice how truly happy and kind my partner is, being himself, doing what he does.

I notice how everything necessary is here already, and nothing more is needed including luxuries. Those are fine, and entertaining, but certainly not required.

Turning the thought around: Being in a relationship is not a burden or a benefit (especially when it comes to money). I bring in what I do. So do they. We enjoy each other’s company. There is no advantage or disadvantage, if I am honest and clear every step of the way.

Wow. How could this be just as true, or truer?

Well, the other person has their own body, their own work and career, their own history, their own preferences. How can two people ever be….the same?

I love freedom. I love supporting the freedom of those I love, to have their own preferences and experiences and opinions.

It feels good, I notice, to participate in this thing called “work” in the world. To offer service. To give, to help out, to be creative in exchange for money or other benefits.

In fact, as I’ve done my own self-inquiry on “work” and “money” in life, I’ve gotten more and more excited and free when it comes to needing either one. It just feels natural to move into service. I never wanted to sit on the couch all day, anyway. I like working, learning, giving to others. Most of us do!

Turning it around again: Being in my own head, with all my stories about money and support and work and relationships, is a burden or a benefit.

Oh my. That’s truer.

When I think burdensome thoughts about partnership, when I have conditions or expectations, when I “need” money or support (and think I also need to give both)….

….then it never goes well.

It’s all about making deals. Tit for tat. Being fair. Giving and getting. Conditions. Wanting. Needing.

Yuck. It’s a lot of “work” to track all that.

What I notice about this inquiry, is I am free to be myself, to say “yes” and to say “no” with money, requests, needs, wants, hopes, expectations.

I just remembered when I was a young mother. I didn’t want to work, and I quit. I stayed home with my kids every day, happy not to be somewhere else I didn’t want to be. I felt a little upset about others wanting me to work, and earn more. (Oh boy, I remember how that felt–not so good).

And then I started wanting some adult time. I wanted to do something other than all-kids-all-the-time (I even homeschooled for awhile). I wanted balance. I wanted to use other skills.

Without having guilt, or rules, or terrors about who would suffer and what was “right” or “wrong” when it came to earning, or rebellious thoughts full of refusal to work….I got a part time job. It was fabulous. I worked with people in hospice. I was so grateful.

What freedom would you have, without your stories about what’s required or important in partnership, for you to be happy?

I’d be laughing about Purple Cow seizures with my loving, kind, brilliant partner. Unconditionally experiencing how supported we are, and how free.

Whether we have money, or not.

Much love,


Do I really want it? Or does something bigger than “it” want me?

Right now, I find thoughts are ticker-taping through my life on money and eating, mostly because the money and eating courses are well underway.

I find it fascinating how these two forms of energy (money and food) have to do with consuming and taking in, but also letting go and releasing.

If money and our favorite food were lying on a table in front of us, we might see our hand reach out to take it.

I see it. I want it. I could take it. I’ll take it. I have it. It’s mine!

Did it provide what I was looking for? Did it give me what I really wanted?

Sometimes, this very pattern is extremely unsatisfying, but compelling: Working very hard and long hours for money. Eating way too much.

To explore this cycle, what if we went back to the seeing it, before we grabbed it or consumed it or used it, and paused right there?

Sometimes, the first time we “see” something we want is in our minds. The food or money isn’t around, but we picture it vividly. The color, the feel, the bank account statement, the spending, the texture, the possibilities, the excitement, the security or the focus on this pleasurable thing.

This thing called food. This thing called money.

People will say in the classes as we’re looking at our beliefs these common and stressful thoughts: “I can’t stop eating” or “I can’t relax around money”.

So what if we looked today at this “wanting” experience that happens when an image comes to mind of food, or riches? This is before we get it, but we’re dang sure we want it. See how good it looks?

I want, want, want it. 

Is it true?

Huh? I mean….of course that’s true! What an odd question! I have tons of evidence of this being true. I’ve grabbed it a thousand billion times. I’ve consumed and spent it. I’ve used it. I’ve eaten it.

I am the one who wants that thing. It’s been true for so long.

Are you sure?

Can you absolutely know it’s true you want that pile of money or that bowl of sugar? Is there no room for any doubt at all? Are you positive…forever and ever?

Boinnnnggggg! (That’s like a cartoon frying pan hitting me on the cartoon head)!

I can’t know it’s true I want it! If I pause a moment, it seems like I don’t. I have no idea. Weird.  I thought I was in a frenzy every time, but now I’m not so sure. Woah.


How do you react when you think you waaaannnnntttt it?

That’s easy. I grab like a Tasmanian Devil. I feel very unsatisfied.

So who would you be without this stressful thought that you For Sure want what you’re looking at? (Oh that cash, on that ice cream, oh that love, oh that attention, oh that success….)

Oh my. I’d start laughing.

Without the belief I want it?


And something opens up, because maybe I really wanted something else all along. Maybe I want safety, security, love, soothing from serious trauma in the past, connection, intimacy.

So often, I wanted intimacy–to really join closely with someone. Food was next best thing. Money was for those other people who deserved it.

Turning the thought around: I don’t want it. My thinking wants it. Not “I” or me.  

How could this be just as true, or truer?

It didn’t really fulfill me. It didn’t eliminate the pain. I didn’t feel comfortable even after I had it. Spending or eating or hoarding or starving all happened, and still something feels empty or too full.

I’ve also worked with so many people with tons of money who aren’t perfectly content. Or who are eating the perfect diet, and they aren’t satisfied.

Turning the thought around again: It wants me.

How could this be true?

I know this sounds cosmic. Like, what is “it”? Seriously? Are we talking the food wants me, or the money? That doesn’t even make sense.

But I like this turnaround anyway. Life wants me. Love wants me. The present moment wants me, fully here, not half here, not wanting-ly here full of my complaints about what is.

God, Allah, The Friend, Presence, Surrender, Rest, Being wants me, the real true me that is not alone and not abandoned and not freaking out and too scared to inquire.

I Am and I Am Not
I’m drenched
in the flood 
which has yet to come 
I’m tied up 
in the prison
which has yet to exist
Not having played
the game of chess
I’m already the checkmate
Not having tasted
a single cup of your wine
I’m already drunk
Not having entered
the battlefield
I’m already wounded and slain
I no longer
know the difference
between image and reality
Like the shadow
I am
I am not
~ Jalaluddin Rumi

Much love,


Put yourself back into reality when it comes to you and money (or any disturbing relationship)

Let’s talk about shame, guilt and unhappiness on facebook live today (Tues Feb 20) at 11:00 am Pacific Time. The way you can find the video, even if you don’t join live at 11 am PT, is to head to my facebook page here.

Why am I on about this topic?

Because in the money course underway right now an entire handful of participants wrote to me or shared with me that they feel guilty, ashamed or upset about the way they were with money at some point in their lives.

At least four of the comments I received from participants in the money class were about events they felt embarrassed or troubled about that happened in the past two weeks. 

Not the distant past (although those can bring on shame as well). But yesterday.

I can relate.

I have a few items that might be considered shame-worthy crossing my mind recently, too:

  • I just opened an envelope containing this piece of paper above. I have the money to pay this bill and have no idea what happened, I don’t remember ever receiving it. What do they think of me? Embarrassing.
  • I have three different events I want to attend including a memorial service, all of which require plane travel next summer. I feel bad about the cost and not sure what to do yet. I’m greedy if I do them all.
  • My husband paid for two nights at Cannon Beach, Oregon over the past two days and it’s very high for his salary as a preschool teacher–it was a gift but I keep feeling torn that I should contribute, but I also don’t want to. I’m so selfish.
  • I should put every extra penny into the plans and building of this second small cottage in our backyard which will be the final home for my mother. I have the secret thought she’s going to live until she’s 100 and I will never recuperate the cost or pay off the mortgage, and I should absolutely pay off the mortgage.
  • I need to leave my kids money, so I should just focus on work. I was too irresponsible and screwed up in my past life. I need to pay now.

I could probably find more.


And by the way, in the past one of the worst things I did with money is I shop-lifted when I was at college for no good reason, it seemed. I had the money. I resented having to count every penny and be so frugal and work as a waitress. So one day, I stole laundry detergent and toothpaste and other basics, and put the $20 back in my pocket for “fun”.

What I love about The Work, is if something feels and appears really, really true….and is really, really stressful…

….I can question it.

It’s that simple.

These stories and pictures flash through my head, and I can believe them, or question them.

I notice I like it much better when I question them. I love that I have that option in this lifetime. It’s an incredible option, and truly life-changing.

So let’s do The Work.

I thought the wrong way, did the wrong thing, acted selfishly with money….is that true?


I should be completely free and “get” there’s no need to worry about money. I should pay attention and not be a flake with bills. I should be more clear, and generous, and relaxed. I shouldn’t complain. Jeez.

Can you absolutely know it’s true?

No. What’s the reality of it? I’m not always at ease when it comes to money. I make mistakes. I want to sneak spend on travel or education, when I think I should be saving. Sometimes I don’t want to share. I compare with others who did it “right” over many years and saved for retirement, which I did not.

No, I can’t know it’s absolutely true any of it should be different. It happened.

How do you react when you believe you screwed up, or you better be careful and watch out, or you shouldn’t spend or have a mortgage (which means “death” in French) or a Past Due notice?

I feel bad, bad, bad. Embarrassed. I imagine the way I would look if I was carefree and light and breezy and I think I should act like that.

I feel deeply apologetic.

So who would you be without this dreadfully stressful story of money and how bad I’ve been with it?


You mean, NO THOUGHT of having been bad with money?

But that’s impossible. I have proof. (See above list, and that doesn’t include volumes of other examples I can surely find if I consider my entire life with money).

This is just a question, though. It’s wondering what it would feel like without believing in the absolute truth of this painful story?

This isn’t an invitation to enter the land of denial. It’s noticing who we’d be without the story entitled I Am Bad With Money, by Grace Bell. 

What if you were doing the best you could in every moment involving money? Would we do any less than the best we knew how, given the fear or trauma or confusion we’ve had about right, wrong, true, false, wounding, healing, enough, not enough?


Without the story of money and me and all the angst of the past and the projection into the future….

….I’d relax. I’d be very present in this moment here, now.

I might even chuckle about the Past Due notice and how I received it a few hours after facilitating the money class today.

How nutty is that?

I’d notice I’m human. I’d notice how strange, and inexplicable and joyful and funny it is to be human.

I’d notice how comfortable I am, typing away here, drinking tea, looking at a whole bouquet of small orange roses from Valentine’s day still sitting in a vase of water on the table near me.

Turning the thoughts around:

I thought the right way, did the right thing, thought selfishly about my own mind (especially when it came to money). 

How could this be just as true? Well, when I believed money was required for happiness, fun and comfort, and that I couldn’t get enough of it or could lose what I already had….then my thinking matched this story of danger, worry and loss.

I did exactly the right thing that anyone would do who believed what I did about money. I sought protection, safety, rest. I was confused.

I should NOT be completely free with no need to worry about money. I should be a flake with bills. I should NOT be clear, and generous, and relaxed. I should complain. Jeez.

I could say so much about this turnaround. How terror, instead of pretending not to care about money, brought me to the deepest clarity I ever could have imagined. I finally asked for help. I questioned the worst case scenarios in my head. I got really open about my complaints. I stepped forward like I never knew I could to meet money. I started this powerful work in my life, with true sincerity.

Nothing made me do The Work like my relationship with money. Well, death, sickness and betrayal are up there near the very top, but the fear of not having enough money was stunning.

It showed me where I doubted the universe had my back, where I thought I was inadequate or undeserving, where I thought I needed to hold on for dear life or else I would suffer even MORE later on.

Who would you be without your story?

If money has given you it’s greatest support, being the way it is, what’s been great about the way it’s come and gone? What is it inviting forward in you?

What’s the BEST thing that could happen now, if everything that’s happened so far has been important to experience, for your own awakening?

Much love,


P.S. I made a new Peace Talk 135 the other day, and it’s right here on itunes.

P.P.S. you can substitute anything or anyone you feel a troubling relationship with into this inquiry: mother, father, sister, brother, partner, boss, co-worker.

All It Takes To Be Happy

Next in-person event: spring retreat May 16-20 in northeast Seattle at a lovely ornate old house with a hot tub and lush, gorgeous grounds. We walk, we meditate, we hear wisdom poetry, we do a whole lot of The Work and the time together is life-changingly precious.

For information please visit here. Room for a few folks to stay at the retreat house, please email and ask

ALSO facebook live on LOVE for Valentine’s Day. 8:00 am Pacific Time February 14th. What are your stressful love thoughts? Reply back to this email to let me know. We’ll do The Work on Wednesday right here.

The other day, I heard myself talking with a dear friend who also does The Work a lot and has attended the School for The Work.

She had heard I was teaching a money course right now, after a month on money in Year of Inquiry that came first, so practically 3 months altogether of facilitating, noticing, walking with our groups through inquiry on money.

It means I’m doing The Work on money myself. I’m remembering, catching different thoughts, sharing different memories and situations. I adore hearing everyone’s stories, or sticking points, or questions, or confusion.

When the inquirers share out loud, whether in the money course or in Year of Inquiry….

….they’re communication naturally inspires others. People don’t feel so alone.

And we sure can feel alone when it comes to money.

Remember the friend I just mentioned I was speaking with? I heard myself say to her “I’ll never retire, I’ll be working until the end of my days trying to pay off my mortgage and make sure I leave something to my children, after screwing around not earning for most of my life until ten years ago.”

It was like all of the sudden my words and tone were full of self-pity and victimish sinking down into the floor.


It went there so fast. Ba-Bam. Hear a story, pick it up and apply it to me immediately. Feel defeated.

It was from the power of comparison. ALL OF IT. 

I heard she got a huge raise, she was about to make her final mortgage payment so her house loan was all 100% paid back, and SHE was retiring in two years.


She’s so lucky. I’ll never do that. I should have started earlier and cared about money more. I’m a loser. She’s a winner. Plus, her house is triple the size of mine.

LOL. Sigh.

Is it true?

Yes. Did you hear what she said? Only 3 more mortgage payments and she’s DONE WITH HER LOAN FOREVER.

Can you absolutely know it’s true she’s lucky, and this good fortune is because her house will be paid off soon?

Haha. No.

It’s kind of embarrassing.

I suddenly see my luck to even have a loan and a house and an amazing life working from home doing The Work and sharing with people in the first place. Money flows here and there and everywhere without judgment.

The mind thinks, the mind compares…and I can never know it’s true, honestly. Before this friend told me her details, I was happy. So some words and images entering my head brought the future into my imagination, and my heart sank.

What a wild, magnificent, chaotic, strange thing…believing a thought is.

And it’s not even true.

How do I react when I believe she’s got it made, she’s good with money, I am not?

Scared. Depressed. Lots of pictures of being old and unable to work. Angry at other people who didn’t show me a better way (those parents, partners, meanie friends).

How do I treat money when I believe it’s piling up somewhere else in greater amounts than over here with me?


I’m jilted by it. It doesn’t like me. I’m angry, resentful. Money, you mean nasty conniving friend! You two-faced volatile one! You’re not even nice to me! Stupid money!

(I think I’m about six years old in how I react–or maybe like a jealous pre-teen who wants to date the guy SHE is dating, and is MAD about him not choosing ME).

But who would I be without this heavy, stressful, agonizing story? Without the belief she is lucky with money, she is better off, I’m not liked as much by money, I must have done something wrong?

Who would I be without the belief that money likes her better, like I’m not as likable, not as loved, not claimed, not so wanted?

Ooooh, this is exciting to wonder about!

Without the belief that more money means I’m better off, or safer, or claimed, or honored or favored or loved?


Who would I be without that belief?

Noticing the amazing, astonishing abundance around me.

Kitchen lights, colors, red carpet with gold flowers, brown leather purse, laptop, wall calendar, bookshelf, silver ring with sea blue stone, fridge, lamp, silence, wallet with cash inside, four coats in my closet and one draped over the couch, beautiful sound of friend’s voice telling of her joy and hand-clapping, noticing the celebration of life whether money is around or not around, cowboy boot string lights through the living room window.

Without my story, I’m so open to my friend’s phone conversation. I’m excited with her. I hear a person who feels loved and relieved and happy. She’s showing me what it’s like to feel this wonderful way. I’m in the presence of joy.

Turning the thought around:

“I’ll always retire, I’ll be playing until the end of my days paying off my mortgage and adore giving so much to my children. I played just the perfect amount and DID earn most of my life before ten years ago (jeez, that’s true).”

How could the story I have lived with money support me with perfection…no other alternate way possible?

First of all, the reality of it is the way it has been. And in this moment, right now with inquiry, the reality becomes different than my complaint about it.

It’s been perfect with work and money, because I get to meet all these incredible people and have the most intimate and beautiful, holy, sacred, honest, touching conversations with them. We share the most powerful communication in life–the things that bring us to our knees.

It’s perfect with money because I can see nothing more is required in this moment, except inquiry. I get to discover the brilliance that money, or someone else giving it to me, or something being zero-ed out (like a loan for a house) is not required for my own deepest happiness.

Wouldn’t I want to find out that peace is possible without money, or any person, or anything needing to change…including myself?


It’s unconditional love. Truly un-conditional. No requests. No demands. No adjustments. No hopes. No wishes. No thinking to money, or to any relationship or to any part of life or reality “if you change, then I will be happy”. 

Such freedom, such freedom.

“It takes only one person to have a happy marriage, and that one is you.” ~ Byron Katie

In this moment, married to the silence, married to the news from my friend about her coming retirement (whatever that is), married to listening, married to money.

Married to reality.

Without my story….happy.

Much love,


Money is safety (and other myths)

Last call for all the inquirers interested in doing ten weeks of The Work on money…or we should probably say we’re really doing The Work on our thinking about security, safety, comfort, adventure, fun, pleasure, ease, play, special-ness.

Because these are the qualities we generally think money can buy.

To sign up visit HERE.
Even if you never, ever do The Work on money, you may recognize the things it appears to be able to buy, and investigate these if it seems stressful.
Not long ago, I was talking to a distant family member who said he loved money for the safety it supplied, and would be supplying in the future.
Safe future, safe from physical pain, safe from suffering when he’s aging, safe from loneliness. The money will pay for people who are younger to do chores and tasks and who can handle his physical needs, errands, medical attention, companionship.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with getting set up for any of these options. Why not?
But I heard also the sound of someone who was terrified of Not Having Money. Intolerable to think of going without it, or not having enough eventually.
Money would be buying safety.
For a second, I felt different. “I’m not concerned with accumulating and saving like that”, I said to myself. “I’m so over it. I’d hate to have those kinds of fears and anxieties and the need to hold on to an amount that seemed to be ‘enough’ for sometime later in the future.”
“Thank goodness I’m so easy-going in this department. Heck, I’m even offering an inquiry course on money! No problemo! Let money do what it does, I’m alive and well and…..”
Wait a minute.
I almost thought I was better than the one who was worrying about money, or believing money provided safety. That tricky rabbit (mind).
So let’s inquire today.
The belief: Having money means you are granted a certain level of safety in advanced age: you receive care, attention, what you need, comfort, treatment.
Is that true?
YES. Let’s be honest here. Jeez, have you been in the various kinds and levels of nursing homes or facilities? There’s a difference.
But can you absolutely know it’s true that having money grants you safety?
I really can’t know this at all. I’ve been without money, and been perfectly safe. I’ve had money, and felt terrified.
I sat many hours for days with a dear friend who was in a fancy place for hospice care, and I’m honestly not sure it was better than all the many places I’ve spent time in with other people in the past who had nothing. The fancier place smelled a little better and had a nicer looking lobby.
I’ve had no money, and asked perfect strangers for help and they were incredibly generous and accommodating. I’ve had money and still gotten the flu, hurt my leg, sprained my ankle, been criticized.
What is safety? Is it a sense of comfort? Don’t surprises happen whether you have money, or don’t? Do I really need to have money to have connection with other humans, or receive support?
With the thought that more money makes things safer, or better…I miss what’s happening now. I lose my sense of humor. I fail to notice the incredible comfort I’m experiencing in the present moment as I think of the future.
With the thought that money grants safety, I notice it’s all about the physical body and it’s support. Is that really what and who I think I am? A body?
“Success is a concept, an illusion. Do you want the $3900 chair instead of the $39 one? Well, sitting is sitting. Without a story, we’re successful wherever we are.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is
Who would I be without my story of the future and safety, and money making it better?
Rather funny.
Hilarious even.
It all seems to be a big story, created in an instant, then the mind moves on to the next piece of entertainment. I notice without the story of money meaning safety, it comes and goes, I get motivated or not, I rest, I work, I sleep, I wonder.
Not having the thought that money = safety, it doesn’t mean I don’t have it in my life, enjoy it, use it, give it away, keep some, or work hard for it at times.
I notice an ongoing relationship with it.
Turning the thought around in all the ways I can find:
  • Having money does NOT mean you are granted any safety in the future.
  • Having inquiry–the capacity to question your mind–means safety in the future.
  • Safety in the future is not even possible here in this moment…it’s only an idea.
  • Safety now means having money in the future
  • Having money means lack-of-safety in the future.
  • Nothing is guaranteed, including safety (safety from what?) or money or a future.
Good lord.
It’s all true and none of it is true.
But isn’t that a relief in a way?
No control, no set story. Follow the simple directions.
If you need some money, there are ways to acquire it in integrity. If you want to save, there are ways to do this, with love.
All I can find is that fear is not required…and I can feel immense compassion for those and for myself when I’ve felt fear about money.
What can we do?
The Work.
“Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt. Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench. Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner. Do your work then step back, the only path to serenity.” ~ Tao Te Ching #9
If you want to come on the journey of identifying the stories you’re scaring yourself with, and exploring and dissolving them with the four questions….it’ll be a wonderful money adventure. Join me here.
Much love,


He should have paid me….and the excitement he didn’t


The very word can bring up stress, thoughts, panic, dread, anger.

When it seems like money isn’t with us in abundance, or we have to work very hard for it, it definitely brings on fear for many people.

But what about when we’ve got enough, but it’s not about that. It’s about someone not paying us back, or paying their bill, or giving us what we believe we’re owed.

The other day, I caught myself having a thought about someone I perceived as having a good job (he told me he works full time, although he didn’t sound thrilled about his position). He had asked for a discount on our session. I had said “yes”.

We did a whole mini-retreat which is three hours to go through an entire worksheet (I do these at a discounted fee of only $75 per hour and his fee was lower). His preference was to work on the phone, not skype, which is totally fine. He wasn’t super familiar with The Work and he felt upset about his junk-food eating. Which is one of my favorite topics as you know….eating battles and compulsions.

The work was interesting. Although I had the feeling he wasn’t too impacted by it.

And afterwards, he didn’t pay his bill. To me.


Maybe he thinks the work we do together isn’t worth it. Maybe he thinks I shouldn’t charge so much. Maybe he doesn’t care about bills and money and paying them on time. Maybe what I charge is so low by comparison he thinks of it as nothing much and forgets about it.

Guessing, guessing, guessing.

And a deep inward stressful thought: he doesn’t care about me.

I’ve had this thought when a friend who borrowed money didn’t pay me back. I’ve had this thought when I find out someone makes a huge salary, but still asked me for a scholarship discount. I’ve had this thought when my grandma sent $10 and she could have sent $100. I’ve had this thought when a date wanted me to always pay half of the dinner and theater tickets. I’ve had this thought when my husband doesn’t offer to pay any of the bills for the back-yard building/remodel project we’re considering.

That person doesn’t care about me.

They think I’m OK whether I get paid, or not paid, or make the payment, or don’t. They think I have no concern about money. They assume I don’t mind. They think I’m ignore-able. They want to keep their money to themselves.

Such a fascinating stream of thoughts, once I sat down and began to inquire.

I think I know what they’re thinking about me. Holy smokes, talk about making assumptions.

I knew I needed to inquire. Because that’s what would bring the most awareness, one step and one thought at a time.

He doesn’t care about me.

Is it true, in this situation?


He even texts that he’ll get to it right away. And I see nothing. And never saw anything again. He vanished. With an unpaid already-discounted bill.


How do you react when you believe the thought “he doesn’t care about me” and it has to do with money–either they aren’t paying, they aren’t generous, they’re demanding more, they’re refusing to give, they don’t want to share.

A old friend of mine had this thought about her husband during the divorcing process. It was a screaming stressful thought “he doesn’t care about me!” If he did, she felt, he wouldn’t withhold money. He’d divide things up equally.

The sense of being jilted or dismissed, or having no power whatsoever over what’s happening with money can be infuriating. Terrifying.

How do you treat money when you believe the person holding it in their hand doesn’t care about you?

I hate it. I hate that I need it. I want to eliminate it from this relationship. I think I should work with people without expecting payment for anything. I should ask for donations, not set amounts or fees. Then this client could pay me nothing, and that’d fit into the program. I wouldn’t feel so angry.

Sigh again.

Who would you be without the belief he doesn’t care about you?

Oh. Huh.

It’s weird. I see a bill. I communicate. I do the best I can. I realize I know nothing about what happened, or what is happening in his mind. I notice I appreciate silence–which is what he’s given me. I’m aware I don’t need his particular bill paid in order to survive, or be happy.

Almost all people I’ve ever worked with bring their payments with them to the sessions, or pay beforehand. Overall, people are attentive, caring, generous, and clear about their fees and paying them. It’s remarkable.

We apparently use money for a clear exchange of needs, services, trades, support–and it mostly works brilliantly well. People handle their money beautifully, and send it to me with apparent ease. They write and ask the fee for things, they get their questions answered, they send the number I mention, they ask for the link to pay. I am able to live without doing other labor….for the past 4 years.

Turning the thought around every way: 1) I don’t care about him. 2) I don’t care about myself, especially when it comes to him and his bill and this situation. 3) He DOES care about me.

How could these be true?

I consider them, one at a time.

I don’t care about him? True. The lack of the payment becomes the entire focus. I consider his work on junk-food eating but don’t know what he got from it. I didn’t ask. I think of him as an uncaring user. I picture an unhappy loser in my mind, even though I’ve never seen him before. I don’t care about why he isn’t paying. I just want the fee, then I’d forget about him.

I don’t care about myself. Wow, very true. I accepted an extremely low fee for a 3 hour session. I’m not valuing my time. I don’t do these kinds of almost-free sessions anymore. I couldn’t afford to do The Work with people if I accepted such low fees, I’d have to work another job. I didn’t respect my own boundary from the very beginning when I said “yes” to a huge discount.

I also didn’t care about myself because I kept thinking he must think the session was worthless, and that’s why he isn’t paying–even though I don’t know that is his thought. I’m assuming no payment means no worth, and feeling sad about that.

He does care about me. How could this turnaround be true?

He reached out in the first place and asked for a session. He stayed with me on the phone for 3 hours. He answered the questions, and asked a few as well. He explored, and then left.

People come and go. It doesn’t mean they don’t care. How would I know? He has his own life to live, which is far away and doesn’t intersect with mine except for those 3 hours….out of however many thousands of hours in my lifetime (and his) this isn’t much crossover.

Maybe I’ve been spared? Maybe so has he?

Who would I be without my story of caring, and money, and bills and payments?

Communicating clearly, and then being done with it. Saying “no” in the future if there’s another request. Not being wishy-washy with boundaries. Asking for what I want. Not having an internal fit if I don’t get it (questioning that it’s necessary).

Allowing the universe and reality to show me what to do next time. Everything very simple.

Questioning my beliefs about money, bills, invoices, payments, receiving, scholarships, gifts, service, needs, support, and caring…I become free. And very, very clear. It’s OK to not work for free. It’s OK to be direct and at east with exchanges of money.

It’s OK if someone over there isn’t reliable (in my opinion). It shows me how to do business cleanly, with integrity…not with magical hope-thinking that they’ll supply payment.

How could it be FANTASTIC someone doesn’t make a payment they apparently agreed to make? It shows me how to be so beautifully crystal clear, and to serve, and how my joy with this work is not diminished by payment or lack of payment. I get just as much thrill from the Help Line where I volunteer as with those who are making payments for sessions.

“This is very exciting. And if your mind isn’t in his business, you would be amazed at the space that opens up for you, the power that opens up to solve your own problems…It’s the truth that sets us free to act clearly and lovingly, and there’s such excitement in it.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Who am I without my story?

Woman enjoying questioning thoughts about money. Seeing the perfection in exactly the way it is. Reality rules.

Much love,


The best recipe when you hate your job

The other day someone wrote to me and asked: I’ve got multiple pages of writing on one very important and stressful topic.

Now what?

Great question.

Time to narrow things down a little. Time to really consider the beliefs rising within that feel so painful.

If you’re not sure, here’s what I like to do to get started:

First, I’ll make a list of interactions or moments with other people, incidents that happened, memories I have in my mind, that are all related to this topic of concern.

For example. Let’s say I’m worried I’m not doing a great job. (I had this thought the second day on staff at the School for The Work because I forgot to do something in my job description).

But let’s say it’s an overall stressful topic for you, when you think about work, employment, job, boss, your career. You’ve journaled on it. You’ve written about what you’d rather be doing. You’ve made a plan for yourself about how to change. You’re definitely troubled about the whole thing.

Now, make a list, as you look over your own journaling, of moments in time that were stressful when it comes to this topic. If you had a camera on these moments, and filmed the whole thing and saved them in your internal mental files, what memories would you say “prove” that this topic (in this case work) is stressful?

  • the moment at a staff meeting when my boss asked for a report and I didn’t have it, and she looked very disapproving
  • the moment one of my co-workers huffed with anger and said she had to do two jobs–hers, and mine!
  • the moment I received the assignment to create a database for new patients and update it weekly
  • the moment I’m in rush hour traffic taking 80 minutes to drive home, when it could take only 20 when not rush hour
  • the moment I had so little money left because of unemployment (before I got my job), I almost lost my house–I was sitting on my couch looking at my bank statement
Now I have some snapshots of moments I really dislike about working, and not working. My collection of what bothers me about the whole thing.


I start with one. There’s my scene from the troubling movie of my life. I see it vividly.


I then write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that moment in time. Only that one. I start there. It narrows things down, puts it into a container the mind can handle.


Write all your troubles on the JYN. And then, of course (narrowing it down further to a small simple thought) we question what we’ve written on the JYN.


“She’s disappointed in me”. 
This thought is so different from “I hate my job”.


It drills into our overall blanket concepts and digs into why, how, where, studying the details of this experience of life we think of as “bad” or “wrong” or something we’d prefer not to encounter.


And wow.


When these specific concepts are taken to inquiry….


….how fascinating to discover they may not be as bad as we think.


Or just maybe, they may have had something to offer of deep importance.


Who would I be without my story of difficulty with working, employment, money-earning, bosses?


When I did this work in the past, I noticed I was freer, just one little bit at a time. I was more relaxed, I opened up to my boss, I had a difficult discussion with the co-worker I thought was always watching me like a hawk, I started enjoying the commute with my CDs to listen to on the way home, I noticed the gorgeous fountain in front of one of the buildings of the organization I worked for.


So much that was good about that job.


And more important, my attitude adjusted automatically, without me having to try, without me having to plan on how I would be quitting and what I could do to solve the problem.


Just a wee bit at a time–one thought at a time–taken to inquiry.


“What you’re thinking about them [or it] is the recipe for what you want.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,


His suffering about money leads to freedom…..mine

He shouldn’t be so focused on money.

Have you ever had this thought?

You’re watching, listening, noticing that other person over there and hearing them care oh so much about spending, income, salary, investing, wills, counting, saving, having.

Wow. He brings the conversation back to money, no matter where we start out or whatever the topic.

He’s so suspicious, bitter, frightened. Kind of scrooge-like. Unable to let go of imagining money issues, or people taking his money, or the need for greater and greater quantities of money.

He’s worked independently to amass a fortune. Yet, he still dickers with others to get a bargain, negotiate a good deal.

I feel a strange repulsion and fascination.

I notice the conviction that he shouldn’t care so much about making more money, having a windfall, winning the lottery, buying nice stuff. He’s got so much, he doesn’t even have to work for a living, and yet he’s working. Very hard.

Is it true he shouldn’t be so focused, or care so much, about money?

Yes. It’s ridiculous. Who wants to live like that? I don’t see him as free, or happy, at all.

But can you absolutely know it’s true he shouldn’t care so much, when he does?

Well, he appears to be a very unhappy, obsessive, uncomfortable person when it comes to money. I can’t absolutely know it’s true he shouldn’t care about it, though. I’ve witnessed this same energy in others. The reality, it appears, is people sometimes care a whole lot about money. In a really nervous, freaked-out, upset kind of way. They go to war over it. Families get broken over it. People leave each other because of it.

So I can’t say it’s absolutely true he shouldn’t be like that. He is.

How do I react when I see him over there acting so nervous, and saying outrageous things about people trying to scam him?

I feel scared. I wonder if he’s right. Maybe I should care more! I remember when I almost lost my house, and had $10.16 left in the bank, and how I could barely stand the tension of wondering what was going to happen next.

When I believe he shouldn’t care so much about money, I feel some doubt. I imagine that if I had been more like him, I might never have gotten into a position of losing so much or having almost no money.

It’s a no-win perspective, when I believe this thought about him. I have no winning view of him, I have no winning view of myself, I have no winning view of money.

Who would I be without this thought he shouldn’t care so much about money?

I’d simply be a person listening to my friend rant and rave about money, and people and money, and anxiety and money, and families and money, and marriage and money. I’d be present with him. I’d remain centered. I wouldn’t feel thrown off-balance about money, or my own approach to money which feels like an ever-evolving, expanding experience.

Without this thought about him and what he shouldn’t care about….

….I’d be back with myself, in my own business, noticing much more than moods about money in the room.

I’d be breathing, hearing, seeing, not pushing anything, including concepts, away or out. I may even be honoring the awareness of what happens when people focus on something they believe they need in order to be safe, or happy, and how hard this can be. It reminds me to relax with what is.

Turning the thought around: I shouldn’t care so much about money. Especially in the moment other people (like my friend) talk about it or bring it into the conversation. I shouldn’t care so much about them caring about it. I shouldn’t care so much about my own past regret, when it comes to money, when there’s nothing I can do about any of that. The past is over, after all.

I shouldn’t care so much about money and the future, like needing to leave my little cottage to my kids debt-free. Or having visions of working forever into my old age because I started so late in earning much of anything.

Turning the thought around again: he SHOULD care so much about money. First of all, he does. He doesn’t feel very capable of working a normal job, if he lost what he has. He doesn’t feel very caring about much in the world. His focus is survival. He’s been afraid since a very young age. Maybe money is his only true friend. It shows up, can always be traded for things that help him be a little more comfortable, and he likes playing with it.

All I can do is notice my own relationship with money, and what arises when hearing other peoples’ thoughts about it. Who used my friend’s comments to trigger worry, doubt, and regret about money?

That was me.

And my own thoughts are what I can do something about. Not his.

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is ‘out there’–as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering–the situation is hopeless.” ~ Byron Katie

He thinks money is responsible for his suffering, I think his comments about money are responsible for my suffering.

Everybody suffering. Nobody sane.

I know how to get back to sanity. The Work.

Much love,


October 4-day retreat in northeast Seattle, December 3-day retreatat Breitenbush HotSprings, Eating Peace Process in November.