My latest Peace Talk: the first time I did The Work (it made me sick)

Listen to Peace Talk to hear my first time doing The Work, and feeling sick as a dog

Two people wrote to me yesterday and asked if they could get the masterclass replay Ten Barriers to The Work and How To Dissolve Them. Since I got asked twice, out it goes. Replay is now enabled.

To watch and listen to the MasterClass replay, click here. No opting-in. It’s yours, in service. This link will work until September 5th. This is the day before we start Year of Inquiry which I mention at the end of the masterclass–so it will be outdated after YOI begins.
So, if you want to look at it this weekend, or next long weekend in the United States, feel free.
Then it will go into review, revamp, update mode, or potentially be built into a longer series since there was just so much material to cover in two hours (yes, I know–two hours is a long time….so maybe listening to a part, then coming back later is the perfect way for you).

So speaking of those barriers (will she ever stop?) I was thinking about the Big Kahuna Number One Barrier again yesterday.

Which is doing The Work of Byron Katie on yourself. Not other people or things outside of you in your life. Just wanting to do it on YOU.
Now….here’s the funny thing.
I suddenly remembered that the very first time I did The Work ever in public was when Byron Katie came to my city and offered a weekend-long workshop. There were hundreds of people there.
And guess what I did The Work on?

Um. Yes. (After all this talk of not doing The Work on yourself).


That’s exactly who I filled out my Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on, even though we were invited to NOT fill it out on ourselves and instead consider someone else we might not have forgiven yet.


But here’s what I remember happened that amazing and horribly difficult weekend. I realized something profoundly important, even though I was “working” on myself.

That I might not be the awful monster I thought I was.

It was a huge beginning to an incredible journey of waking up out of a zombie trance of self-criticism.

So, can I really know it’s difficult or wrong, or even a barrier, to do The Work on oneself?


If you’re one of the people who feels deeply compelled to question thoughts that bring you suffering about yourself, you might enjoy this latest Peace Talk Episode 120.

Even though I spoke on Peace Talk last time about doing The Work on yourself and what to do instead, or how to take it a bit deeper, in this episode I share what happened when I did The Work on myself, anyway.

During that first dreadful weekend workshop, I hardly spoke, I gave no one any eye contact, I never raised my hand (wouldn’t have dreamt of it), felt physically like death warmed over, hated what I wrote on that worksheet…..

…..but something shifted inside of me that was the beginning of the end of the pain…..

…..even though my worksheet appeared to be all about me. 

So even though I’ve gone on and on about Barrier #1 to deepening The Work being the way we want to do it on ourselves at first…..

…..there’s nowhere you can’t go with The Work and nothing that will prevent you from freedom, if you answer the questions.

(Peace Talk is also on IHeart Radio and Stitcher by the way, and it helps spread the word so much when you leave a review or subscribe).

“Thinking that people are supposed to do or be anything other than what they are is like saying that the tree over there should be the sky. I investigated that and found freedom.” ~ Byron Katie in I Need Your Love–Is That True?

This goes for ourselves, too. Thinking WE are supposed to do or be anything other than what we are is like saying something cray cray.

Investigate it.

Much love,


Why do The Work? (+ early bird YOI closes tonight at midnight PT)


I am beyond-excited about the new participants who have registered for Year of Inquiry 2016-2017.

I feel so touched that people raise their hand for such a long commitment….an entire year.

One of the biggest considerations people have is wondering if this process of doing The Work steadily will “work”.

It’s kind of a funny question to answer.

Because, if you know anything about this brilliant process called The Work of Byron Katie, you know it’s powerful, deep, simple and liberating….and there are no guarantees.

When someone asks me if I think doing The Work will work, whether they’re thinking about Year of Inquiry or any other program involving self-inquiry, I actually want to find out more and ask them questions.

What do you need it to “work” for?

What are you having troubles with? What do you object to about your life? What else have you tried? How will you know if it’s worked? How will you know if it hasn’t worked?

What I’ve noticed about my own life, is when I have Great Expectations for something and really feel a deep conviction that something MUST WORK, I’ve got a bit of fear.

Or a lot of it.

I remember this was my feeling the first time I called a therapist, and scheduled an appointment. Ok, Ok, my mom called the therapist. But I felt utterly desperate. I so wanted to understand myself, to heal my crazed eating patterns, to quell my anxiety, to see if I could relax and find hope about my world.

This was also my feeling….fear, desperation….when I first attended a Twelve Step Meeting for people suffering from addictive drinking, although I was there because of my eating (they didn’t have an Overeaters Anonymous in the place I was temporarily living at the time, but they did have AA and someone said to go anyway).

It seemed like extreme suffering, secrecy, pain and shame drove me to seek help.

Those two processes–therapy and 12 Steps–changed everything for me. It was like some lights got turned on in a very dark room. I found support, care, love and new ways of sharing I never imagined possible.

I started connecting with the world more more, rather than being such a reclusive scaredy cat, especially amount my emotional life.

Fast forward to about twenty years later.

I’ve graduated with a master’s degree in Applied Behavioral Science because I’m just so dang fascinated with the human mind, human actions, human thought.

I’ve gotten married, stayed at one job for several years, bought a house, made friends, had two beautiful children (home births), taken writing classes, and no longer ate my head off when I was upset.

I was clearly not desperate and terrified anymore.

Not like that other dreadful way, that felt like I was small, lost, suicidal and frightened in a big enormous and strange world.

And yet….

….I had a kind of feeling of deep angst within, if I really thought about it, when it came to my true spirit.

I still had a constant question inside. I still felt uncertain, troubled and like life was one big fat question mark–and I didn’t like it.

What is life for? Is this happiness? If you stop feeling broken, is that all there is? What about deep peace? What is this place (earth)? Why am I here? Why was I so screwed up in my twenties? Can I make sure my kids don’t suffer as much as I did? What is God? What is faith? Did I make a mistake? What would I have faith “in” if I had it? Did I do enough today? Why do terrible things happen? Why don’t I like that person?

How can I understand All This?

Because I didn’t really feel like all there was to life was getting over feeling mentally ill (eating disorder, depression, anxiety) and being “normal”, whatever that was.


Over the years I read volumes of books on spirituality, religion, peace and self-improvement or personal development. I went to est. After my master’s degree, I spent another $15K on a one year Life Coach training program. I bought all the books on “success”. I watched the movie the Secret.

Not that there’s anything wrong with any of those—they were all great, actually.

But then, I came across the book “Loving What Is”.

I was sooooo intrigued.

There was no cheerleading, no positive affirmations, no creating plans, no training for a future, more successful moment later on.

It was about this moment, here, now. No matter what was happening in it.

And what I thought of it.

No guru, no teacher, no key, no special religion, no right answer needed.

Only the time to consider and contemplate, to wonder about my thinking, to meditate on situations I thought of as horrible….

….and take them through four questions, and then find turnarounds, just as an experiment, not as anything I “should” do or “better” do, or else.

The invitation was peace.

True peace was something I still dearly wanted.

And it’s been an amazing journey. (Not over yet, I notice).

What I love about The Work is best described at the very beginning of the book Loving What Is:

“The deeper you go into The Work, the more powerful you realize it is. People who have been practicing inquiry for a while often say, ‘The Work is no longer something I do. It is doing me.’ They describe how, without any conscious intention, the mind notices each stressful thought and undoes it before it can cause any suffering. Their internal argument with reality has disappeared, and they find that what remains is love—love for themselves, for other people, and for whatever life brings. The title of this book describes their experience: Loving what is becomes as easy and natural as breathing.” ~ Stephen Mitchell, husband to Byron Katie, Introduction to Loving What Is

After reading Loving What Is, it took me awhile to really “do” The Work. I didn’t have patience for it one minute when I tried it on my own.

I also developed a raging inexplicable fever the first time I went to see Byron Katie. (I was trying The Work on one thing I was most ashamed about in my entire life–an abortion. Next time remind me to start out a little slower).

I went to the School for The Work and had insight after insight popping in my mind, so stunned I didn’t sleep more than four hours a night for 9 months.

You mean, all my suffering could be altered, my experience of life completely changed, by identifying my painful thinking and asking if it was really true? Seriously?!


But I still wouldn’t sit down and DO The Work all by myself.

Then someone touched my arm at a Byron Katie event and said “can I hire you as a facilitator?”

Oh. Hire me. Um. Well. Hire me?


She worked with me for three years straight. A brilliant inquirer.

Or should I say….I worked with her for three years straight.

Because that’s what every person who shows up to work with me is. Someone to do The Work with. My work. My teacher, my family, my guide, my coach, my friend, my colleague, my companion.

They are a part of my world….and this world has become absolutely brilliant.

Now, THAT, is a story worth keeping.

As people in The Work for awhile joke, “This is my (new) story, and I’m stickin’ to it!”

We really have no idea where this story is going.

But it’ll probably be better than anything we could have ever imagined.

Considering that, all hatred driven hence, 

The [mind] recovers radical innocence
And learns at last that it is self-delighting,
Self-appeasing, self-affrighting,
And that its own sweet will is Heaven’s will.

~ William Butler Yeats(printed in Loving What Is, by Byron Katie)

If you find yourself drawn, and yet you do not “do” The Work as deeply as you’d like whether on your own or with others, then maybe Year of Inquiry is for you. We start September 1st with Orientation, and September 8th is our very first call.

It’s for those who love self-inquiry, have seen the joy it brings, and who need to connect with others to keep it alive and shining.

For people like me.

Much love,


P.S. For those who have questions (I’ve received a bunch) on what are the fees and how did I come to them, the logistics, and what exactly is included in YOI….you can visit the YOI web page, but here’s the short version:

In a nutshell….with a business expert a few years ago, I wrote down every program I’ve ever done myself, or heard directly about, focusing on personal transformation and understanding thoughts, feelings, and peaceful human behavior, and came in under most.

  • Individual therapy $740 per month/ $8800 per year.
  • Group therapy $450 per month/ $5400 per year.
  • Life Coach training  $8,000-$15,000 per year.
  • School for The Work $5500 for 9 days.
  • The Forum $550 for one weekend (plus many more courses).
  • Context Trainings $595 weekend (plus advanced courses).
  • Meditation retreat with favorite teacher $525 (5 days).
  • Geneen Roth Women, Food and God Retreat $1845 (6 days).

The normal YOI full program fee is $3200 including everything and $2275 for All-But-Retreats YOI for a 12 month program, a private group through June, then Summer Camp for The Mind 5 days a week.

This crazy early-bird helps me prepare and get the group together before we even start. It’s $2700 for full YOI and $1900 for All-But-Retreats.

Refund: Anyone can withdraw before November 1st, 2016 for a full refund minus only $100 per month (September and/or October). Take 60 days to feel it out and decide. You’ll be treated from the start like a part of the team, but if it’s not for you, no questions asked.

Schedule: We meet on teleconference call, password protected, using skype, webcall, or simple phone. Tuesday 8:30, Weds 2:00 pm, Thurs 5:30 pm PT. All 90 minutes. Come to one, or all, of the telecalls. These meet 3 weeks of every month.

Once a month at the beginning of the month, we’ll have an intro webinar on that topic, and you’ll be guided through the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet. It will be recorded.

Everyone gets access to YOI via Slack, a really cool custom private online forum you can put on your phone and your computer. We stay connected together all year.

Partner Work: Everyone gets to Casual Partner or Training Partner as followed in Institute for The Work 1-4-1 partnering. You choose.

Two retreats Seattle: October 13-16, 2016 and May 2017

To learn all the greater details, please visit the Year of Inquiry web page right here.

“When you believe your thoughts, you suffer….but only 100% of the time.” ~ Byron Katie

Orchestrate your own happiness (who’s coming?)

nisargadattaquoteYOIYesterday I offered for the third time (I called it an Encore since so many people requested it “just once more”) the MasterClass on Ten Barriers That Derail, Deflect, Cloud, Make Murky or Result in Meh When It Comes To Doing The Work….And How To Dissolve Them.

Watch and listen to the replay here. It will be available until Friday.

To be honest, I’m not sure the class could thoroughly cover how to dissolve all the barriers. I mean, really.

But just being aware of what creates havoc….

….or as someone mentioned recently…..the mind’s “antics”….

….can change everything and bring much greater awareness.

I offered four exercises that help you dig into thoughts and get to the bottom of the stressful barriers and patterns we tend to fall into.

And I offered the four ingredients I’ve found that support any kind of personal, transformational work (connect, feel, bond, imagine)….

….but only you ultimately get to discover what your barriers are and how you might dissolve them, in your own time, in your own way.

Self-inquiry is an unplanned program of wondering about your life, your own experience, your own brilliant, crazy, wildly-fast thoughts, your beliefs, your perceptions.

Some call it questioning your suffering, and the meaning of being human and living this life….wondering why it sometimes hurts, and exploring how to navigate it all.

Funny, with self-inquiry, there are no formulas, no step-by-step plans, no guarantees, no results, no certainties, no promises, no answers (but your own), no golden tickets, and nowhere to go.

What an odd business to be in.

We’re asking over and over again…..”is it true?”

And yet, here I am, here we are.

Coming back to the slight sudden in-breath that happens when we answer the question about whether or not something is absolutely true about this terrible situation we’re contemplating….

….wow….what I’m thinking and believing might not be true!!?! 

There’s nothing like discovering what you thought was true (that’s scary or sad)…..isn’t.

There’s nothing like discovering you may have barriers to freedom, in your opinion….but there are four questions you can answer, to check on reality to see if it’s really as unfriendly as you imagine.

“When you realize that suffering and discomfort are the call to inquiry, you may actually begin to look forward to uncomfortable feelings. You may even experience them as friends coming to show you what you have not yet investigated thoroughly enough. It’s no longer necessary to wait for people or situations to change in order to experience peace and harmony. The Work is the direct way to orchestrate your own happiness.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Year of Inquiry begins with our Orientation in two weeks, and our first telecall in three weeks, the first retreat in eight weeks (if you’re coming to the optional retreats).

If you’ve tried everything to stop thinking stressful thoughts, and to feel better, but it hasn’t exactly worked….and you know deep within that you are your own teacher (along with reality)….then you’re probably already thinking about joining.

Early bird ends Friday night, which helps with cost, but people will still join afterwards and still get a great deal for the support of doing The Work month in and month out for a year.

Read all about it here. I’d love to have you share in this amazing adventure with me.

Who’s coming?

Much love,


Can there be too much sharing? (Masterclass Encore August 17th)

Wow, thank you to so many people who have written to ask for the link to the MasterClass Replays on ten barriers that derail, confuse, or make doing The Work meh instead of exciting….and how to dissolve them and go deeper.

It’s a full two-plus hours, which is not for everyone….but if you decided you’d like to listen in, even if you didn’t register to participate….I’m including the replay link at the end of this Grace Note.

Mostly because I can’t keep straight anymore who wanted the replay. I love you asked, so here it is. No opt-in necessary.

And because I seriously got so many requests, via facebook, email, and even two texts, I’m planning an encore. Yes, I’ll offer it one more time!

Wednesday, August 17th this very next week, at 2 pm Pacific.

To attend live, I will have you register, so those of you who really don’t want to hear about this masterclass again, won’t. If you want to sign up and join me, head over here. The advantage of being there live is I’ll read and answer all your questions out loud from the Q & A page, you’ll get to comment, share, and participate.

Which brings me to an interesting stressful thought around sharing, doing, creating, announcing, offering, promoting, and connecting to others in this world.

I need to NOT share too much.

Is it them, or you, who is sharing too much? Even if it’s not Out Loud, you might be yakking away with your judgments, instead of sharing the truth

Have you ever had this thought?

I’m not talking about the obvious arena for this stressful belief: running a small business, offering a service, needing to spread the word out in the community, also known as marketing.

I’ve had this thought when it comes to participating in a group discussion or conversation, at parties, in family gatherings!

I’ve had this belief about other people too….they’re sharing too much, they’re blabbing on and on, they take over the floor too often, they should put a lid on it!

Well….the way we can get the most juicy, deep clarity from this stressful observation that it’s possible to share too much, is to find a situation when someone did.

Do you know someone who shares, talks, speaks, tells too much?

I instantly had someone come to mind.

Man, what a motor mouth.

I picture myself sitting with him at a coffee house. He’s smiling and talking and keeps on saying “you know?” with his thick New York accent and keeps on going.

I can’t get a word in edgewise.

Does he even care about one single thing I might share or think?

Does he notice how he’s dominating the entire two hours we’ve had together? Jeezus, take a breath!

(Gosh. I also have two other people, entirely different people, who I also had the very exact same thoughts about. Hmmm. What’s the common denominator. Oh. That would be me. Um….Let’s keep going.)

He’s sharing too much.

Is it true?

Yes, oh lordy, yes. Why didn’t I say I had an appointment right after? I need to get outta here!

But can I absolutely know it’s true he’s sharing too much? Can I know it’s HIM who is the culprit? Can I know it’s too much, for me? For this moment? For him?


I see I’m not saying anything. I’m not speaking up. He thinks I’m happy with the speed and quantity of this sharing. How would he know otherwise? I’m even smiling. I look engaged.

How do I react when I think he’s sharing too much?

I think about escaping, and doing it “politely” is the only alternative. All the blame is over there, on him. I miss the awareness that I am saying nothing, so there’s a vacuum. I miss my own fear of speaking up, of telling the truth, of participating fully and connecting with this friend genuinely.

I create a wall of separation.

I keep friends who don’t over-share, and I ditch the ones who do.

Oh dear. Embarrassing.

So who would I be without the belief he’s sharing too much, or that it’s even possible to over-share?

I push the “pause” button on this scene and hold still, without hearing the sound, without feeling the escape-urges.

Without the belief he’s over-sharing, I see someone eager and happy. I see joy and excitement. I feel the trust he has in me as a listener. I feel open, relaxed.

I also notice I can speak, myself. I can say “hold on there brother, you’re moving awfully fast, and I’d love to make a comment” if I actually want to.

I can even ask if he’s nervous.

Without the belief that it’s possible to share too much, or make a mistake around sharing, talking, announcing….

….then I notice I’m a fantastic listener. I’m hearing sound, words, expression all coming into my space and I’m delighted. I can also call it quits any time, without stress.

I turn the thought around:

He’s sharing just right, not too much. I’m sharing too much with all my inner commentary about sharing, and wanting to escape.

Can I find an example of how him sharing is lovely, a service, or easy (instead of intolerable or annoying or too much)?

Yes. He’s telling me about his life, his ideas, his inner world, his heart. He’s connecting with me. We’re joining through communication. How about I actually participate, and speak what’s true for me? What if I bring what’s true for me to this table, instead of hiding and believing I can’t?

What if every motor mouth I ever met is someone reaching out to connect, and I can reach back, with love? I might even make a suggestion we sit with each other in silence, if it feels right.

How could it be wonderful, that they share as they’re inspired? I notice it doesn’t harm anyone, and certainly doesn’t harm me.

I see the turnaround to myself, taking this friend and any talkative, sharing person out of it, is I share too much with ME. I’m constantly talking on the inside of my head about needing escape. I’ve been very noisy with myself on what I’m doing wrong, how I need to fix myself, and the need for improvement and change, or how I can’t sit still and listen to another human speak.

Maybe these people are matching the motor-mind I’ve had on the inside.

Drop the “maybe”.

Register for Wednesday’s Masterclass here.

Get the replay link for the recorded masterclass from August 9th here.

“My friends are always right. And I get to realize it or suffer….Until you love them unconditionally, your work’s not done.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Much love,



The greatest gift: a way to see beyond illusion (join Year of Inquiry)

Barrier #1 in the recent masterclass presentation I gave, on where we get snagged when doing The Work of Byron Katie, is maybe the biggest, most widespread, most fog-inducing, discouraging barrier of them all.

The short version is, it’s the I-Hate-Myself barrier.

When you feel at war with reality, but mostly, with the reality of YOU.

Here’s a Peace Talk about it I made for you.

In the end, all roads through The Work lead back to this “self” we’re imagining ourselves to be in the presence of others, in the presence of God/Reality/Source/Life….
….and finding we are not who we thought.peacetalkcover

Who are you, without your thoughts about you?

(Can you hear the silence and not-knowing-how-to-answer this question?)

Now, here’s the strange thing about this very deep and cosmic question:

I would have never come to wondering who I was without thoughts about even myself, were it not for doing The Work on many other things and people and circumstances and situations besides myself.

Doing The Work on others was the key.

As I’ve been kind of repeating lately, excited about what Byron Katie invites us to….do The Work on Mother, Father, Sister, Brother!

Doing The Work on everything else under the sun, and going way back-back-back….

….is the way forward.

In the upcoming Year of Inquiry (some incredible people are signing up OMG I’m so excited) we have a topic every single month, for ten months….

….with a free-for-all Summer Camp session in the summer of daily inquiry on anything, for everyone.

I mention this because people have been asking me how I came up with topics for Year of Inquiry, and why do we do The Work on others anyway?

So many people hear about The Work and get this sense of freedom, and immediately think “I’ll apply it to ME, I’ll finally change, I’ll improve myself and stop being so full of complaints.”

But it doesn’t work so well, oddly enough, to do The Work on yourself.

It’s so much easier and more profound, and so much more clearly and paradoxically ON YOURSELF when you do The Work on other people, places, topics and things. You can see these other things easily, with lazer sharp clarity and precision.

So in Year of Inquiry, we start with what annoys you in any way whatsoever. Anything. You name it. You call it.

The first month, we start with what you notice is disturbing, and it doesn’t even matter what it is.

After kicking it off with just where we are, we move into FOO.

Family of Origin.

And from there, many other common topics all of which create fear, worry, irritation, and sadness.

We look at our Complaints, Hurt-Anger-Fear, Money, Body, Love, Goals & Desires, The Worst That Could Happen, and Loss.

How did I come up with these topics?

I listened to all the clients, groups and retreats (and my own worksheets) filled with people who have come to inquire over the years. The same themes come up over and over.

So we start at the very beginning (I always hear Maria in the Sound of Music singing when I say this) followed by looking at FOO, as I already mentioned….and then we continue by noticing what we complain about, daily, weekly, yearly, or every time we run into that person? What’s going on when we complain?

As we move through complaints, we become more comfortable with feeling our stress, and seeing the feelings as useful pointers to our thinking. What happens when we feel hurt, angry, or afraid? What brings these emotions out in our lives?

What about money? What’s enough? Who has it, and why, or why not? What makes it so scary, or disappointing? Where did I get the money I use–is it OK with me? Do I like to receive? Do I like to work? What is money, to me?

And of course, the body is an area filled with stressful concern. We look at the Body in our sixth month. What do I dislike about this body I seem to live in? Whose body is it? What happens when it gets injured, or feels pain? What about other peoples’ bodies?

Then there’s love….oh my…love. (Huge topic of stressful thinking). Who have I loved, been attracted to, bonded with, slept with, broken up with?

In the seventh month in Year of Inquiry, we explore Goals and Desires, because these are so expected, wanted, planned for so many of us. How can we have a goal, and love what is, at the same time? We get to take a look at what we’re thinking and believing that’s painful when it comes to having dreams for the future, and working towards something.

Finally, we spend basically the last two months before Summer Camp diving deeply into a powerful and troubling topic: The Worst That Could Happen. We’re basically looking at our terrible fears. We’re asking, when it comes to any situation we encounter that feels uncomfortable, no matter how “light”….what we’re most afraid of, in our situation?

All of these are huge, wide-open areas of human suffering, and as a human (for those of you who are humans reading this) then you’ve probably experienced concern in any of these common areas of discord, worry or fear.

Something’s going wrong.

I shouldn’t have to experience this.

Strangely….only by combing through what appears as a concern outside of me, in all these areas, have I ever been able to actually stop all those self-critical nasty thoughts about myself, and let go of agonizing about what is.

Practicing The Work unravels stressful thinking. It unravels suffering.

Who would we be without our stories? About others, and most importantly about ourselves?

What I have found, is we would be pure love, and peace, and freedom.

If you want to do The Work in a dedicated, committed group of inquirers for an entire year, then join me in this gift of inquiry.

Early Bird sign up lasts until August 19th, so you’ve got time to think about it (there is no urgency and no emergency) and after that it’s still a very inexpensive way to get and stay connected to dedicated time for self-inquiry through every season of an entire year.

Everyone in Year of Inquiry has sixty days to fully participate in the experience before making a final decision—there’s only a fee of $100 for the first month, or another $100 for the second month of the program, if you choose to withdraw….even if you didn’t decide to withdraw until Halloween you’d only pay $200.

I do this on purpose because I want only people to continue through the year who deeply know they like the process of inquiry, not just the idea of inquiry.

Everyone gets two whole months to sample and sink into the experience of this meditative work by participating in all the telesessions, our first two monthly webinars (September and October), and partnering if they choose with other members of YOI.

After two months of seeing what it’s like, most people get the sense of what doing The Work regularly, every week, may do for their inner world and their lives. If it’s not for them now, it’s OK.

What I know is….when I came into The Work all I wanted to do was question thoughts about myself and what I had done wrong (I’ll tell you more about my first true inquiry session in the next Grace Note).

Then I followed the simple invitation from Byron Katie and the steps of The Work to identify judgments I had about other people, the world, money, bodies, being alive, love, and what I thought of as reality.

Looking at all of these, I truly did The Work on myself.

Freedom didn’t happen in an instant. It unfolds daily, with every time I ask “is it true?”

This Work gives the mind something it loves to do: rest.

To not rely so heavily on “figuring” everything out. But instead, to wonder what it’s like without thinking.

How fun is that?

“To have a way to see beyond illusion is the greatest gift.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

To read about Year of Inquiry, which begins in September, head over to here.

Much love,


Chronic People Pleasing (+ new Autumn Retreat dates)

Autumn Retreat Seattle: October 13-16, 2016 (new dates). We begin Thursday morning. Four days of The Work, with special invitation, as Byron Katie herself encourages us over and over again….to go back to FOO (Family of Origin).
Come do The Work on who bugs you, what you’ve learned that feels difficult or painful, what consciously (or unconsciously) drives you to compulsive behavior (if that’s your thing, like it was my thing) and how to look at old underlying beliefs formed long ago….
….even when you can’t remember the situations vividly, or who all was involved, or what happened next.
Did your people-pleaser efforts start when you were very young? You don’t have to die with them….it’s called The Work!
….”Do The Work for breakfast. Mother, Father, Sister, Brother.”
Have you ever felt like it’s hard to remember the past, though?  Or difficult to access the feelings of trouble and upset from way back?
You know you experienced hard times, confusing times….
….but part of you is so glad it’s over, maybe decades ago, you’d rather NOT go back there again, ever.
Or maybe if you’re like me, there are many murky but non-traumatic memories where the impact was not terrorizing—I had a pretty great childhood overall to be honest—so you’re not sure how to identify the thoughts running at the time.
Well, there’s good news.
What I’ve seen, after doing The Work for awhile with myself and others, and circling back to those old and possibly difficult memories, is a huge amount of peace and awareness can be discovered, even from ONE SINGLE childhood situation or very old experience that hurt.
All you need is one situation to start with.
And if you’re having a hard time knowing where to begin, here’s one exercise that may jog your memory or help you recall situations that feel like ancient history.
You’ll be “mining” for disturbing situations, like you’re going into the center of a tall dark mountain looking for precious gems.
Get out your journal or writing device.
Pick only one age-range, I recommend a maximum of 5 years.
So for example, you might say age 5-10. Or age 12-17.
You can even pick only one year, if you feel a heaviness or overwhelm about scanning much of your childhood. Just “listen” to your heart and mind for the time period to return to.
Or, ask someone you know to pick a number between 4 and 18.
Now you’ve got your age number, and your mission is to review that time in your life.
Set the timer for 15 minutes, and write everything you remember from that time period in short, bullet-point situations, with the emphasis on what felt uncomfortable, confusing, or hard.
Now, let me just say here. This can cause a little resistance sometimes.
It appears we’re actually trying to cough up the hard experiences from deep down under in the past.
You might think….really?
No one has to do this, but I’m here to say….it’s worth it.
The other day, in Summer Camp for The Mind which is underway with daily inquiry right now with all the Summer Campers….
….someone who watched and listened to the recent masterclass on barriers to “getting” The Work had a little lightbulb go off on how much her father’s criticism seemed to align with her own criticism of herself.
Instead of doing The Work on herself (which hadn’t worked so well for insight so far) she decided to go back to when she was ten years old and remember being in the presence of her dad.
She read her worksheet aloud to us, and then did The Work on the belief “I can’t please him”.
What struck me was the way everything she thought her father was thinking about her, how difficult he seemed to please, and how impossible…..
…..was exactly the same way she viewed that moment, and herself, and him. Her ten year old moment was full of arguing with reality. Her dad should be different. And so should she. Pleasing anyone was impossible. He’s not pleased. She’s not pleasing. She’s not pleased. He’s not pleasing.
What a profound thought to unravel and un-do and question.
Who would we be without our ten-year-old belief “I can’t please my dad” or “I can’t please my mom”?
I sat with this, and again right now, feeling and wondering who I would be, holding very still as I remember myself feeling “ten”.
Sitting with who I would be without this belief about pleasing my parents, I become aware of a feeling of being alive.
That’s it.
Nothing more, except aliveness, a life force in a body called “ten-year-old-child” without stressful beliefs about who is or is not pleased, and that nothing is required to improve or fix the situation.
I notice I remained safe (unharmed physically), I continued to grow, I was breathing, I carried on with school, and life unfolded with sometimes adults being pleased, and sometimes not….and sometimes me being pleased and sometimes not.
What if pleasing happens, or doesn’t happen, and it’s not personal?
Turning the thought around:
  1. I can’t please myself (especially in the presence of the person who I’m worrying about pleasing). Yes, with all the hand-wringing and efforting to please….whether mom, dad, teacher, or God….I lose my center entirely and become one big gigantic unpleased person.
  2. my dad/mom can’t please me (yeah, not when they’re acting THAT way). They needa get happy, ASAP. I won’t be pleased until I see them snap out of it, smile, or feel content.
  3. I CAN please my dad. Oh. True. When I did, when I do.
So much insecurity created, since pleasure seems to come and go!
“As long as you perceive that anyone is holding you back, you have not taken full responsibility for your own liberation. Liberation means that you stand free of making demands on others and life to make you happy. When you discover yourself to be nothing but Freedom, you stop setting up conditions and requirements that need to be satisfied in order for you to be happy.
It is in the absolute surrender of all conditions and requirements that Liberation is discovered to be who and what you are.” ~ Adyashsanti
Free from asking anyone else, ever, to be pleased? Or for life to make me pleased only under pleasing conditions? No requirements, no conditions? No wish that others stop being critical, no wish that others be pleasing?
No desire to change even…..myself?
How very odd.
And yet….pleasing.
Much love,
P.S. If you’d love to come take a dive into The Work for four days, join me and other amazing people (including Year of Inquiry participants) for the autumn retreat October 13-16, 2016. Read about it right here. If you’re signing up for this new amazing year of inquiry full program….it’s included. Read all about Year of Inquiry here.

Changing the date of autumn retreat…and it’s BAD to make changes, right?!

feeling stress about change of plans? question your stressful thinking!


I learned yesterday by making it through all the unopened mail that came while I was traveling last week that the weekend move-in date for my daughter’s freshman year at college….

….the weekend she moves into her dorm for the first time….

….is the very same weekend I had scheduled for my annual fall retreat, the very same retreat Year of Inquiry participants kick off the year together, the retreat for anyone to attend who wants to spend an evening plus 3 days sinking into The Work of Byron Katie (always powerful, always amazing people).

I really want to be there for my daughter’s dorm move-in weekend. It may not be anything like what I picture, but I keep thinking I don’t want to miss it.

Have you ever realized the plans you’ve set in place may need to get cancelled, and it feels a little agonizing?

(This is unlike plans that get cancelled against all odds and your best efforts to prevent them from being changed (see last week’s Grace Note titled “It Went Wrong!”)

This kind of change still isn’t comfortable.

The first dates are already printed on fliers, and posted on the internet. I’ve been telling people those dates for months!

People have already signed up!


The mind starts weighing and battling.

Maybe my daughter won’t care that much anyway, she surprises me with her independence all the time. I’ll disappoint the people who have already made plans to attend if I switch. What if I reschedule and the new dates conflict with something else?  But I want to see her move in. This is a right of passage. But I should go with what is best for the most people (not myself).

Hand-wringing, hand-wringing.

What to do?

Well, the first thing I know to do, is The Work.

I need to know what to do. I need to avoid disappointing people, being unpredictable, switching things (it’s bad form).

(Note: There’s that “I can’t disappoint anyone” thought again).

Is it true, I need to make a decision right now? Is it true there’s a “right” decision on this? Is it true I could screw something up by changing the dates?

No. I really don’t know. It unfolded this way, and it may mean I make a switch.

I do not know that switching dates is bad, or disappointing, in the big picture. Or even the small picture.

How do I react when I believe moving the fall retreat could disappoint, or be a mistake?

Anxious. Feeling inadequate.

Thinking things like “You should have checked on this…surely you could have found out when move-in weekend was? Why didn’t you think of this?! You’re such a flake.”

And yes, you wouldn’t believe what else went through this mind, when I’m believing the thought it’s bad, annoying, disappointing, flakey, or unorganized to change the dates:

I should quit offering retreats.

Yep. Actually came through this mind.

Just last week, I was facilitating a woman on an incident with her partner. It was fairly minor. He napped too much during the day, and stayed up too late.

There was a moment during her inquiry, as she was answering how she reacts when she believes her partner has these bad sleep patterns, where she realized she thought about telling him it was all over and he should move out.

Funny how the mind will go to breaking up, ending it all, divorcing, throwing in the towel, quitting the job, stopping the career, shutting it down….

….all in reaction to a fairly non-threatening stressful thought.

So who would you be without the belief that switching dates would cause distress, disappointment, or disturbance? Who would you be without the belief it’s flakey to change the dates, and confusing?

So much calmer.

A sense of peace comes through, aware that nothing must be done urgently or immediately. It’s not necessary to QUICK OMG update the website! Find everywhere it’s been printed or posted and make new dates ASAP!

No hurrying. Simply watching, noticing.

Sometimes, things need to be rescheduled. Even if it’s a hassle, or requires extra work, or results in some people having to change their plans.

It’s the way of it.

I turn the story around: I do NOT need to know what to do.  

This seems truer, because I don’t. I couldn’t have known about the dates any earlier than I did. I knew when I knew. For some reason, the dates of the fall retreat have been set for awhile for mid-September, and now they may change to the end of October. Who knows, maybe more people will come rather than less? This could easily be just as true.

I do not need to avoid disappointing people. I need to avoid disappointing myself. 

I have no idea if I really am disappointing anyone right now. I’ve sent one email. I haven’t talked with my daughter yet, since she’s out of town on a special leadership youth training trip (I’ll get to pick her up from the airport tonight). I see I’m actually mostly disappointing myself. I’m the only disappointed person in this exact moment….and it would be kinder to “avoid” this disappointment with myself.

It’s OK being unpredictable, or switching things (it’s not bad form). 

Wow, how could it be a good thing, to wind up changing dates and times and rescheduling things?

What are some examples? Well, the first obvious one is that I get to drive my kid to college and move her in, a pretty exciting event, a huge right of passage for us both. Second, there’s more time to prepare for the retreat, maybe find a new and even more wonderful venue. Third, I get to feel once again how OK it is to be flexible, to move with changes, and to honor my own preferences (be with daughter).

There may be more benefits I don’t even know about yet.

“Flow with whatever may happen, and let your mind be free: Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.” ~ Zhuangzi, zen master

“Being present means living without control and always having your needs met.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,


P.S. Tomorrow will be the second time I’m offering the new masterclass: Ten Barriers to Self-Inquiry To Doing The Work for Deep Transformational Change….and How To Dissolve Them. Sign up here. Tuesday, Sept 9 at 8:30-10:30 am Pacific Time. I’d love you to join me.

I received this fabulous note from someone who attended:

Dear Grace,

I was connected yesterday on your Ten Barrier’s Masterclass. And it was awesome, really. I saw I will take over this ten barriers and schedule The Work to be a real part of my day because I know I will be the first student to sign for your next 2017 Year Of Inquiry!! For now I’ll do a call to the Help Line every week and make this year’s Work for free because now I am very upset with this money thing. I have to thank you very much for your work, and share and compassion. It is real compassion the way you share with everyone your thoughts and discoveries and truth. I am really grateful.

It went wrong!

This shouldn’t be happening! Who would you be without this thought?

I’ve gotten a couple of questions about the masterclasses offered tomorrow as well as next week on Tuesday, especially about what kind of technology you need or how you access it. Basically, it’s like watching a TV program or a video on your computer, only I’ll be offering a slide presentation and talking, live.

When you click the link to your masterclass you’ve chosen to attend, you’ll be on your computer of course, and a new browser window will open and you’ll be connected. It’s best, I am told, if you have chrome or firefox as your browser programs on your computer.

No one will speak out loud or be identified–you can’t see who else is watching (same as a TV program). If you choose, you’ll be able to participate via chat Q & A and I’ll read your words, maybe even out loud, but I won’t identify anyone. This will be a time for you to go deeper into your own work and hopefully discover some new crack in your story that’s causing suffering. People new to The Work as well as long-time inquirers will all be participating.

There’s limited room, but you can still register here. This way you’ll receive the links to join, either Thursday (tomorrow) August 4th at 5:30 Pacific Time, or Tuesday August 9th at 8:30 am. I’d set aside 2 hours. This will be a little mini retreat for you with exercises to complete during our time together.


There’s a lot that goes into organizing these things, and questions people have when something’s new and unfamiliar.

Sometimes, the what-how-which-when stuff….

….can drive me absolutely nuts.


Can’t the thing just work?

OK, so the people in Summer Camp already all know this (you guys are wonderfully patient, thank you–everyone was awesome).

A thing happened on Monday.

I’m traveling in Illinois and Indiana right now, and in the past several years, I’ve done a ton of on-the-road telecalls, from other countries, airports, hotel rooms, friends’ houses.

I know what’s needed: My laptop, headphones, good internet connection, and a somewhat quiet location.

I know how to find and arrange these things.

Well, so I thought.

I had arranged to arrive in Chicago and be let into a room with internet about 90 minutes before my daily Summer Camp for The Mind Inquiry call.

Except, the person who was supposed to let me in (I didn’t know them before) sent me a text she was in New York. And a friend would open the room instead.

OK. But no friend.

So 30 minutes beforehand, I realize I better go find a Starbucks (they always have good internet and my devices already recognize it). I get all set up in a Starbucks after googling the nearest one, but then can’t connect.

I ask the server.

“Oh, it’s not working right now.”

I immediately pack up my things, text my husband who has dropped me off (and is a super kind helper) and we go to the Chicago public library, a block away, because they have free internet.

Only all the meeting rooms are booked.

So we quick go to a Subway (free internet sign in the window, if you buy something). The clock is ticking. I have ten minutes now until the telecall starts.

We get all set up again, laptop plugged in, headphones plugged in. I keep getting a weird message to join the Business program of some kind. What business program?

Employees come over and peer at my screen. They never heard of this pop up message before.

Then a woman starts yelling in anger from the open bathroom door around the corner and keeps repeating “I’m 56 years old!” like she’s very offended, and there’s some kind of scuffling I can’t see and one of the employees runs out the front door of the subway wearing her green apron shouting for help.

I drop everything and leave with my cell phone into the street, following the frightened Subway employee (my husband nods Go-Go and stays to deal with collecting the computer equipment) and I dial-in to my own teleconference call–I know the number by heart–thinking we’ll do our inquiry together that way.

Only I can’t tell if anyone can hear me, and apparently they can, but no one can get themselves off mute.

Meanwhile, my husband has crossed the street, I rush behind him and we get set up in yet another coffee shop with free wifi called Dollop. Yay! We’re connected!

I email everyone to come on back, if they’ve left the call, because we’re on.

And all anyone can hear, when I speak, is the loud grunge music coming out of the ceiling speakers.


I cancel the call. Or should I say….the call is canceled, by forces beyond my or anyone’s control at that moment in time.

Everyone has moments like this—when you push through to the next, the next, the next thing and the intended outcome STILL does not occur.

A harping voice arises….”You should have come to Chicago a day earlier, you should have been more deliberate in your organization, you should have, you could have, you didn’t, you screwed up, you disappointed, this two-block location was a devil’s triangle, the universe had other plans and they weren’t good!”

Have you ever gone over the way something unfolded multiple times? (There are so many more threatening kinds of moments, life-changing ones, than this one–that’s for sure).

The thing about that stressed-out voice that becomes critical, is there is a Mean One and a Victim born in the moment you begin speaking that way.

Mean One rages on about how you shouldn’t have done it like that and you could have prevented that thing from going that way….

….and Victim feels awful, like a loser, sad, small, stupid.

One of the best things in the entire world for addressing this kind of internal battle of thinking you’re doing it wrong, or you’ve been done-wrong-to by your own self (or the universe)?

The Work.

Because you STOP having a dueling-banjo conversation inside, and instead you actually sit with the broad and expansive four questions.

It shouldn’t have gone that way. I could have prevented it.

Is that true?

Are you sure it shouldn’t have gone the way it did? Are you positive you could have prevented it?


How do you react when you believe it shouldn’t go the way it’s going, gone the way it’s gone, and you could have done something to change it?

Filled with voices shouting, all of which oppose each other and ruminate on outcomes endlessly.

Who would you be without this story that something (in my case, the teleconference inquiry Summer Camp call) shouldn’t have gone the way it did?

Noticing there isn’t a single thing I could have orchestrated differently, even though now I’ve learned something new and I’ll probably never do it again the same way.

Who would you really, really be, in this moment now, without the belief that something shouldn’t have gone the way it did? Something painful? Something hard? Something unintended? Something disappointing?


I immediately see the bouquet of stunning green-petaled flowers on a low wooden table nearby. I feel the quiet air of the room, and hear the air conditioner.

Now back in that scene, as I picture how it unrolled itself, without the belief it shouldn’t have gone that way?

I notice I just kept following the simple directions. Like playing a game of tennis, or volleyball, with life.

Street, cars, sounds, shops, tables, brown leather bag containing laptop, hands moving headphones in and out of plugs, looking at human faces to ask questions, hearing answers, moving to the next thing.

No one got hurt.

Trusting Reality. Maybe there were very good reasons, and I don’t even need to know them all quite yet, why that telecall should NOT have happened.

Including helping me do the best I can, and still fail, and let go of the outcome going my way.

Sometimes, these turnaround examples can be tricky, when you have something happen and you really don’t get how it could possibly be true or truer that it SHOULD have gone the way it did.

But if you don’t force or push or grind at these turnarounds, only try them on like a pair of shoes, and see if anything appears for you that makes sense….you may become very surprised.

Turnaround: It should have gone the way it did, and you could NOT have prevented it from doing so.

Right now, what I can come up with is….

1) it’s helped me get more clear on my plans when I’m away from home, and determine better how to secure a quiet spot for the work I do (better self-care). 2) I get to see that I’m not running everything (always good for the lightness of letting go. 3) I rescheduled this missed call for another Monday in August, so I’ll get to stay connected with this awesome group of inquirers for a longer period of time. 4) I’ll never forget this vortex two-block radius in Chicago of internet connection attempt and failure–it’s already making me laugh how absurd it was. 5) Coffee shops of any kind are no longer an option for telecourse facilitation, which narrows down the field and makes it far more simple.

Ooh, I like that last one. Yeah. I just saved myself a lot of time in the future potentially, googling coffee shops on maps and racing to them to connect, like in the Matrix when they have to find a ringing phone.

The new way is calmer. Avoid the public spaces, and get the meeting room completely squared away.

Follow the simple directions.


Much love,


P.S. While I could never guarantee technology-glitch freedom, I expect Thursday’s class (and Tuesday, too) to be great learning times together. Thanks for joining me.

You Are Invited to MasterClass: Ten Barriers to Doing The Work….And How To Dissolve Them

I’m offering a live free masterclass: Ten Barriers to Doing The Work as a Transformational Practice….And How To Dissolve Them.
I’ve thought about sharing this with others for a very long time.
Ever since I noticed the fascinating way the mind shows up looking at life with a trickster attitude either hell-bent on keeping you in the dark, or very quietly-and-subtly bent on making things not-quite-clear.
Well, I speak for myself. And I’ve heard so many people wonder about why they aren’t seeing clearly, or making the changes they want.
I’ve heard people ask Byron Katie questions about The Work and express their frustrations and worries, and their deep desire to end their mental suffering about relationships, events, feelings, the past, the future…..LIFE!
So I began to make note of where objections appeared, and where people felt lost.
I watched my own process of slowly going deeper, and sometimes experiencing big huge lightbulb moments of expansion in my perspectives.
I’ve asked you where you’ve wondered about why The Work is confusing, troubling, or “not working” for you.
I have LOVED receiving your answers (thank you).
So now…..I’m super excited to gather with you on this profound topic of deepening self-inquiry using The Work of Byron Katie, sharing insights from the journey of others, understanding your own common foggy-patterns (more on this in a minute), and maybe most importantly…..sharing with you some powerful and reliable ways to dissolve barriers to The Work.
While we are all ultimately very much alike (there are no new thoughts, as Katie says)….
….you might find yourself stuck and in need of a dose of understanding about the way your mind seems to be handling your journey in awareness and awakening.
If you’d like to explore this process….then I would be honored to have you attend this first-time ever Masterclass for Bringing The Work Home: Ten Common Barriers To Self-Inquiry, and How To Dissolve Them.
It is my greatest intention, pleasure and commitment to be in service to freedom from believing stressful thought, which I know is possible for everyone (it’s my sincere commitment within myself, which is everything).
I hope you’ll join me if you’re inspired to living a free, open-handed, joyful life of accepting, being, and loving what is.
You can save your seat here.
Much love,

Three Underworld Beliefs that keep The Work (enlightenment) away


Are you believing some thoughts that keep you in the dark?

I remember my March 2005 School for The Work.

It was a truly remarkable experience for me. Like, one of the most transformational times of my entire life.

Something in my mind cracked apart as I began to understand what it really meant to have stories….stressful stories….about being a human being. I had spent so much of my life scared and nervous.

And it wasn’t necessary.

Before going to the School and hanging out with Byron Katie, I had never really understood, even though I had read Loving What Is, what it actually meant to genuinely answer the question “Is it true?”

It occurred to me, each day that passed during those nine days in March 2005, that I could ask this question “is it true?” not only about the troubling relationships or encounters I had in my life, but also about money, my body, my family, my home, my childhood, my identity, the future….

….basically every single story I ever had.


Then, I left.

I felt almost giddy on the airplane home. So much less fear. Like a weight had been lifted off of me about where, how, when, or what life was supposed to be like.

I realized, I didn’t know anything for sure–in a really good way! Not a scary way!

A few weeks went by.

And a few months.

Yes, I took long walks listening to the music I first heard in the School of Deva Premal (gorgeous). Yes, I connected with new friends I had just met at that school, and we talked on the phone. Yes, my life had unexpected changes that propelled me to continue my self-examination. Yes, I traded facilitation of The Work with people as often as possible at first, then a little less, then a crisis and it would be more, then a little less, then a little less, then….

It was early fall. Almost six months since that nine day school.

I saw a post come across my email announcing someone who was teaching a teleclass where everyone would be doing The Work.

I had the thought:

“Why on earth would I ever pay to take a course in The Work? It’s only four questions. I know what to do! I’ve been to the School for The Work for crying out loud.”

But even though I was then going through separation in my marriage, and my life was entirely up in the air, I just didn’t seem to get around to doing The Work all the time, like I had before.

What is that?

We know we enjoy something, we know we feel better, we know it provides awareness, or relief, or health, or greater joy.

But there’s such an urge to find, at least in me (and I’ve heard from others) an Easier Softer Way.

Sure, I’ll do The Work if I’m about to go insane, or I’m really freaking out, but if things are groovin’ along OK, then why bother?

It’s like there’s a big energy (call it ego if you like) that doesn’t want to work, doesn’t want to discover a damn thing, wants everything to be easy, wants to remain a victim or someone who is being tortured (oh the drama), and really feels threatened by the actual loss of Story Power.

I say Story Power because oooooh, doesn’t a great story have amazing power to make you laugh, cry, snort, sob, howl, release, feel excited?

I love stories! Stories are so awesome!

However…NOT when I forget they’re stories, and NOT when they appear to be frightening stories. (I don’t go to horror movies, I just invent them in my mind).

As I watched this phenomena within myself take place of moving in and out of stories, taking something very seriously, taking something personally, feeling conflict….

….I noticed some interesting patterns.

There were three typical ways I’d stop doing The Work, and start thinking obsessively instead.

They came out of believing the following concepts to be very, very true. So true, I couldn’t answer the four questions anymore. I was busy!

1) I need more information

Oh boy. Have you ever had this idea?

I need to study, gather, ask tons of questions, read, analyze, get more data, figure out who did it, how it happened, and if I did something wrong. I have to figure this out, map it out, explain it. I have to find out what’s worked for other people, or not worked, I have to see if anything terrible has ever happened to anyone who answered the questions. Must. Get. More.

(This can keep you very busy, very distracted, very active for a lifetime. Just saying. Not that I would know about it).

2) I can do it by myself

Relying on other people is such a pain! Anything worth doing has to be done because I want to, not anyone else. Yeah, that’s right! Don’t I have to do most things by myself, anyway? Shouldn’t I be able to figure life out on my own? I mean, really. Come on. Depending on others for help is a major hassle. I prefer independence.

(I don’t know about you, but this kept me from going to therapy for several years even though I was a wreck, kept me from joining scary support groups, and kept me from being authentically honest with other humans, and kept me from asking for help.

And, oh yeah, from doing The Work thoroughly and deeply. When on my own, I did The Work in five minutes. While driving.)

3) I’d rather forget than face my fears

This one isn’t always up front in consciousness, because the very nature of this thought is to stay murky, and avoid and make sure no matter what, the scary vision is not faced.

I would act like I wanted to look and examine things directly, but gosh, I have errands to run, movies to watch, work to do, money to count or earn, dishes to wash. It’s so uncomfortable to look at these inner painful thoughts and situations from the past. Can’t we just forget about it all? I don’t want to get too stirred up!

These efforts to Not See would show up in various forms and activities repeatedly.

I even started recognizing different small patterns. Call them fog, or smog, as I’ve heard Byron Katie refer to confusion or lack of clarity.

Today, I’d love to hear from you. But only if you’ve ever noticed something sticky, or a barrier, or fog entering your vision.


Because I’m putting together a masterclass on a whole myriad of ways I’ve found the trickster mind, or ego, or self-centered identity, try to move away from The Work (or any kind of peace and rest, in any situation).

I find this impulse incredibly fascinating, and I’ve discovered that shining a light on it has brought a deep awareness.

Have you felt like The Work doesn’t work for you sometimes? Have you noticed how the funny mind has a whole commentary about questioning thought? Have you laughed at how goofy it is that you bump up against the very same issues over and over again?

If you would be so kind to say a few words in this survey, I’ll know to address whatever you share in the classes in early August.

It would be so wonderful if you would take only 4 minutes to answer one question about your experience with The Work (it’s anonymous): Click Here

The things you don’t work, I call them the Underworld. Because without those worked, [ego] overrides awareness. Like smog. Dirty water you can’t see through. Unfinished business…..The ego loves Yeah, but….” ~ Byron Katie during Being With Byron Katie 2016

Today, eleven years after that first School for The Work, I’m still learning almost daily. I find this stunning. I love The Work more than I once did, I think. How very odd. You would think I’d have gotten bored by now, considering my busy brain.

But it’s a phenomenal adventure, letting go of the personal identity and need to argue with reality, or with life….and opening up to more love than I ever thought possible.

Can’t wait to hear more about your apparent “problems” and play with the “solutions” to really “getting” this work. My favorite.

Much love, Grace

P.S. Even though I accidentally sent a link to the upcoming August masterclasses a wee bit early the other day, I wasn’t quite ready with it yet. Ugly registration page! I’ll be sure to keep you posted so you can sign up at the end of next week. And if You DID sign up, we got you covered (you’re in).