Hurry up and get more money!
If you’ve read about my experience with money, you’ll know that somewhere in 2007 I started feeling urgency about getting more money that felt like sheer terror.
I had images back then of a huge ship like the Titanic, cracking and sinking and descending into dark water. My life, enveloped by a huge dark cold ocean. Everything lost, everything gone.
No money anywhere in sight, and that meant no comfort, no worthiness, no solid ground, no being cared for, no security.
At that time, the thought was “EMERGENCY!”
But you don’t have to lose all your money, or have very little, for a voice to kick in that chatters in your head that you need to be worried about money.
For some people, it’s there practically all the time, no matter what…..even when they have a great job, lots of stuff, workshops, vacations, and an apparently comfortable life.
The other day, I noticed I was embarrassed about the amount of money I had at the moment because I wanted to give a big gift, but felt afraid to spend the money.
There was no doubt about the gift, the giving felt joyful, but I realized I wasn’t actually even sure how much I had available to give.
Faster than a speeding bullet my mind came up with 158 thoughts attempting to determine how much I could give without something bad happening (too little money). Calculations in the head, thinking next month I might not have as much so I need to hoard right now. Adding up how much I’ve spent in the past few days on gas, hotel, food, not having clients.
Yep, better be careful.
If too much goes out and I give too much, I could go back to that time, not long ago, when I had nothing to give. The worst.
You are not truly safe, the amount of money you have is temporary and tentative, all your money is spent on basic expenses and needs, you should be careful, you need to pay attention, there are no guarantees, more money is better than less money, you need to count your money and make sure, you need to work harder to get more money.
Rats. The stressful thinking brigade is at it again.
Very frightened of Not Enough.
You need to be careful with money, it’s possible to not have enough.
Is it true?
YES. OMG, did you hear what happened to me before?! (Story story story very important terrible story).
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Wait for it.
Don’t be so sure.
Are you absolutely positive it is possible to not have enough money…that you need to be careful?
Umm. Yes. Some people are starving to death in India. Although I’m not sure if money is their entire problem.
I notice I have always had enough to eat, a place to sleep, a car, care, adventures, friends, love, connection, joy. But what about that time when I had no health insurance and I sprained my ankle? Oh, that’s right, maybe there were bills, but everything turned out fine. Ankle healed, bills paid.
No, I am not absolutely sure that I need to be careful when it comes to money, or that it’s possible to not have enough.
What happens when you believe you have to be careful, funds are limited, you might not have enough later? How do that feel in your body?
Limited, careful, hesitant, energy that vibrates fast, nervous, not rested, thinking, analyzing. Absence of peace.
Who would you be without the belief that you need to be careful with money? That you might not have enough?
This question is for this moment. How is it right now, without that belief?
It doesn’t mean you suddenly empty your bank account and give all your money to charity, never balance your check book, act irresponsible, throw your bills in the garbage, quit your job.
You don’t like yourself when you do that.
Without the thought that I need to be careful, I actually see more clearly. I can check my bank balance and add up my bills and mortgage payment and see how money goes in and out, which buckets get some here or there, how much I can give away….even if it’s only $10.
But without the thought that I need to be careful and that it’s even possible to not have enough money, I notice that giving even $10 per month to myself if I want, for retirement, feels good. It’s just an idea. It’s not “should” or “have to”.
I turn the thoughts around about money: Slow down and get less money! You are truly safe, the amount of money you have is temporary and tentative (yay), you should be care-free, you do not need to pay attention, there are no guarantees (woohoo, quit trying to make them), there is no better-more or worse-less, you don’t need to count your money, you need to work easier to get more money.
Every moment is full of possibilities, silence, enough.
I notice today how much I love to give, how much I love money flowing in so I can send it out. No grabbing.
I pause my writing this Grace Note, go check my account balance and notice with surprise there is more than I expected. Oh!
I can add up how much I will need, for reals, next month and start divvying it out, making a simple plan, without worry or emergency whatsoever. This is not throwing it all carefree to the wind who-cares kind of energy, this is looking with eyes wide open. Really looking.
I can give more, fearlessly.
“Who would you be without the thought ‘I need my money to be safe’? You might be a lot easier to be with. You might even begin to notice the laws of generosity, the laws of letting money go out fearlessly and come back fearlessly. You don’t ever need more money than you have. When you understand this, you begin to realize that you already have all the security you wanted money to give you in the first place. It’s a lot easier to make money from this position.” ~ Byron Katie
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