Love and Desire Your Delinquent Qualities

I’m thrilled with all the people who’ll be joining the Desire course tomorrow. Everything is done via webinar and you’ll watch online. You can replay the recordings if you can’t make it live.

It would be my honor to serve you dancing down the path of your personal journey in joy. It’s my passion to join with others and bring life-changing facilitation to people.

Because that’s what is satisfying and spectacular about life.

Joy. Freedom.

As so many of you know already….I had some serious attitudes about life that did NOT feel so joyful.

They had been in place maybe since childhood.

Life is hard. Bad things can happen. When something horrible goes on in the world, its difficult to get over it. Fear is awful to feel. Anger makes people do terrible things. I’m too sensitive. I’m too nervous. He shouldn’t have died. She shouldn’t have been so critical. She betrayed me. I can’t stop. I’ll never feel good. 

Oh boy, phew!

By the time I was 23 I had an eating disorder, I was insecure, I diminished my own talents and service and love for others, I was very critical and angry, and yet also people-pleasing to the max….I was scared!

I reached out for help, banging and bumping my way along.

I met wonderful mentors.

Then, finding The Work of Byron Katie was a huge step UP in my process of clarity and freedom.

It was so simple, and so direct.

So you know that thing you’re afraid of trying, or afraid you’ll never get it or never find peace in that area?

Who would you be without the belief that you could get hurt, or embarrassed, or make a big mistake, or fail?

What if you deeply examined the events, situations and relationships that have disturbed you most profoundly?

You don’t have to explore them all. Just start with one, today.

You may have done The Work on it already. You can do it again!

First, you write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that one terrible, difficult situation. Even if it was all the way back in childhood.

Not long ago I was working with a lovely inquirer who is enrolled in the Eating Peace program online that happens to be underway. Everyone gets a 911 call if they need it, during our 3 months together.

This inquirer knows she desires freedom around food and eating. She desires feeling healthy, and happy about her body.

But it’s been torturous and painful, and her weight has yo-yo’d up and down. Not so very happy.

I can relate.

When I binged and purged, my feelings were twisted up in knots.

Usually, I was believing something that had nothing actually to do with food–this was my release, the way I treated myself, my reaction to very troubled thinking.

When I went into therapy to heal this torturous way of life, I discovered much more clearly some of the thinking that felt so dramatically hard.

All those beliefs about trying to be good, acceptable, likable, someone worthy of being loved and cherished. I really thought I had to earn that, and make sure I wasn’t selfish and bratty.

So confining!

I felt like I was in prison when it came to dealing with people. I really couldn’t feel free to be myself. I couldn’t speak up to them if I needed to ask a question, or tell the truth.

That’s how this sweet inquirer also felt.

We looked at her beliefs about some people….and then about a person of deep influence.

Yes. You might know who.


If you’re not sure where to begin, and you have troubling thoughts about life and death, and where you’re going or what this is all for….

….I suggest starting with your mother. Or your father.

Either one can be powerful.

You aren’t in the end assessing them as a person, you are questioning YOUR PERCEPTION of that person.

You may find, even if they have not been alive for years, you can change your relationship to them, and therefore to your current world when you encounter people like them, or familiar situations.

A shift like this, even in small measurements and doses of awareness, can bring you peace in an area, like your eating.

I found them very interconnected and associated.

As I made peace with important people in my life, and understood myself as a human being, I could see beyond my human story.

As I saw beyond my story, I became more and more relaxed.

And free.

Free to feel joyful, expansive, mysterious, gentle, silent and awake.

All you need to do is question your mind, and land on the turnarounds (the last part of The Work).

As I have done this, I find that the qualities I found most frightening and unacceptable have become the ones I appreciated most of all.

“If you try to avoid or remove the awkward quality, it will pursue you. The only effective way to still its unease is to transfigure it, to let it become something creative and positive that contributes to who you are. Nietzche said that one of the best days in his life was the day when he rebaptized all his negative qualities as his best qualities. Rather than banishing what is at first glimpse unwelcome, you bring it home to unity with your life…..One of your sacred duties is to exercise kindness towrd them. In a sense, you are called to be a loving parent to your delinquent qualiites.” ~ John O’Donohue

The class on tomorrow will have great emphasis on living your turnarounds, finding out what it looks like to bring movement, love, action and communication into your world when you do The Work.

That’s when it feels wonderful to have desire–noticing abundance, anticipation, hand-clapping joy.

Not torturous desire–full of emptiness, desperation, rage and lack.

There’s a big difference, right?

Let me know how your work goes, or if you have questions getting started on a difficult relationship. It’s my pleasure to help assist peace unfold in this world, however I can.

The more peaceful, joyful people, the more fun.

If you want to discover more wonderful feelings within, in this present moment, then a great place to do it will be in tomorrow’s Desire course.

Love, Grace

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