Most humans at some point encounter the idea, often from a very young age, that violence–including verbal violence–will enforce change.
Do it! Now! Go! Scream! Or else!
We know we want change, because we’re suffering. We get impatient, lost, frustrated. Being loving and kind doesn’t seem like it will bring change.
But have you ever tried it? Especially when it comes to meeting your feelings (especially fears and other uncomfortable emotions) with compassion?
Byron Katie says in her book “I Need Your Love–Is That True?” the following quote about the moment when you think Oh Sh*t! I screwed up! This isn’t going well!
A mistake has happened. You ate the wrong thing. You overate. You judged your weight.
It’s a moment of Rejection of What Is (not loving what is):
“What are the thoughts that come at these moments? Many of these thoughts are about what you would have done if you had known better, or seen it coming, or remembered. You think that if you had done something other than what you did, you could have stayed in control of events.” ~ Byron Katie
But who would you be without the thought that what’s happened in the past, whether an hour ago, or last week, or 3 months ago, or 10 years ago…..was a mistake?
What if I could hold those binge-eating moments, or the weight gained, or eating some unacceptable food, with compassion and gentleness?
Are you sure you did something wrong, back then? Who would you be without this stressful story?
You can use your imagination to wonder the answer to this question. What if you didn’t need violent thought to bring about permanent change?
I notice that anything that’s truly become a long-term change has come out of awareness, not violence. Doing The Work and questioning my thoughts has offered slowing down, and absence of thinking I know what’s true.
What a relief.
What if you turned around the belief in violent thinking towards yourself, to make change?
Turned around: loving thinking towards myself will make change.
I find this to be very true. Much truer. Force or violence might bring about temporary change, but not permanent change, and certainly not peace.
I love with food and eating, you might let peace be your intention, above all.
See what happens.