But I Don’t Wanna Get Old

getting-oldThe other day, I caught a glimpse of the skin on my forearm resting lightly against a wooden table.

All in a flash I saw the loose skin, a kind of sagging in the inner elbow.

Old skin.

Skin that’s been around awhile in this body (54 years and 2 months to be exact).

In seconds I also had a whole series of thoughts:

This will all be over soon. I’m on the downhill slope. The end is coming.

I notice there’s a voice slightly upset, chattering, nervous, not sure about what to do or think about the temporariness of this body and this life.

Who would I be without believing there’s something to be upset about when it comes to having an aging body?

Without the belief that being here only for one lifetime, in this body, is sad or nerve-wracking or uncomfortable or disappointing?


Almost incomprehensible, to that small voice with ideas about survival, youth, life-is-better-than-death.

But I notice there is absolutely no control over the pace of life unfolding.

I am not calling the shots.

I am not the one in charge.

As I imagine and contemplate who I’d be without the belief in this thought that sagging skin, or aging, is “bad”….

….I sink into a deep quiet, feeling my arm still against the cool wooden table, hearing voices and distant music, seeing green leaves waving in the breeze through the window.

Knowing nothing, nothing, nothing.

Except the feeling of this moment, and silence.

I turn around the thought: this is good, I’m on the way towards a big change (death) and it will be amazing, there is nothing wrong whatsoever, the skin is neither ugly nor beautiful, all is very, very well.

Could this be just as true, or truer?

“People who believe their unquestioned thoughts cannot see what is obvious and directly in front of their faces at all times, because they are invested in what they believe to be true. As long as they live out of an unquestioned mind, they must continue to argue with what they believe is happening rather than the reality of what is really happening.” ~ Byron Katie

Do I notice anything obvious, directly in front of my face, when it comes to this whole temporarily-here thing, being briefly present, being a baby, child, teen, adult…changing, changing, changing without ANY control at all?

Well, yes.

It’s called Rest.

Nothing to do, nothing to manage….

….like falling through space and instead of kicking and screaming like a cat trying to get itself upright….

….falling with pure relaxation, surrender, emptiness, peace.

“The master gives himself up to whatever the moment brings. He knows that he is going to die, and he has nothing left to hold on to: no illusions in his mind, no resistances in his body. He doesn’t think about his actions, they flow from the core of his being.” ~ Tao Te Ching #50

Much love,

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