This coming Saturday afternoon 1:30-3:30 Pacific Time, Todd Smith and I will be doing a mental cleanse jam.
Todd puts these together and he’s the creator. He calls it a Taste of The Work, and it will be awesome. There’s a minimal fee. Come join us! Here’s the link to sign up on Todd’s website:
Meanwhile, back in the recesses of the mind….
…..not long ago a mom wrote to ask me to write about the fear of your kid getting into drugs.
Who would you be without worrying about your kid?
These kinds of thoughts about our kids going over the deep end into ANY kind of self-destructive behavior can keep us wide awake at night worrying.
And if you’re worrying…..I can’t recommend inquiry enough on this topic of parent-worry.
(By the way, I’ll be teaching the happy parenting teleclass again this year on Mondays starting February 23rd. We talk about this kind of fear big time).
So the first thing to do when you’re frightened about your kids doing drugs, taking risks, hanging out with people you don’t like….
….is to be willing to open your mind up to the possibility that your kid’s life is not yours to control.
You can’t control it anyway, right?
You already knew that….but in this particular relationship between parent and child, it’s good to first take a deep breath and simply acknowledge it very deeply. They’ve got their own path, their own life to live, their own lessons and pitfalls to go through.
Now, as you sit to write out some of your thoughts and see what scares you the most, this may seem like a really dorky question….
….but why do you want that kid to not get into drugs?
I know, I know….bizarre question.
No one wants their children to suffer, destroy themselves, hurt other people, or die.
But what is actually upsetting about it? Why not?
Write it down.
“I don’t want my kid to get into drugs because _______.”
Then ask the same question again. Why not?
I don’t want it because I don’t want my kid to get hurt. Why not?
I found an interesting place at the bottom of this inquiry. I noticed I wanted my kids to feel really good, do well, not get hurt, not escape into drugs or do harm….
….because then I would be happier, I was sure of it.
But who would you be without the belief that your kid’s life needs to go THAT way (no drugs) for YOU to be happy and stop worrying?
What if there’s something really vital, powerful, and magnificent to be learned and exposed through something going off balance, apparently, like drug use?
What if its an invitation of some kind?
Could there be anything good about a person getting into drugs?
Whew, I know that’s still so strange to consider. But drugs exist. They are part of reality.
Why would that be, do you think? If it’s a friendly universe, why would drug use be in it?
Maybe one reason drugs exist, is to get me to calm down and be more authentic and honest about drug use. I could speak about my fears to my kid and my family, and bring up my own escapist cravings that I had when I was a teenager (too scared to use drugs, but certainly used alcohol and food and cigarettes…two of which are drugs, lets be clear).
I might say to my kid “If you use drugs, I get scared I’ll lose you. I want you to be around so I’m happy!” and we could laugh.
I might ask with great genuine curiosity about my kid’s interest in drugs, open up to an equal, connected conversation about it.
Which is what I did, when I found out my son had smoked pot.
It was a really sweet, wonderful, kinda scary conversation. I was afraid he’d get mad at me bringing it up. But I knew to bring it up.
And I notice, he’s happy, mature, reliable, honest, willing to talk, loving, and alive.
“I adore my children, and I adore my grandchildren, and their suffering is their business. I let them have their suffering. They can live, they can die, and I love them, that’s what I know. I love them enough to stay out of their business and be present.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love, Grace