Feeling attraction towards another person is sooooo fun, right?
It happens in all cultures and places in the world and in history.
We make movies about epic love stories, the ups, the downs, the angst, the fulfillment.
Humans love attraction and to fulfill the attraction towards another (and actually, towards anything wanted)….
….to move towards what they want, to connect with it, to investigate it, to explore it, learn all about it, maybe even merge with it, obtain it, get there, have it, be with it.
I mean…..there is a HUGE market in romance novels, right?
The thing is…..there’s something we all actually know that isn’t quite so fun.
We don’t like to know it.
What we know is that it can be pretty stressful on either side of that brilliant fire moment when you get what you want.
Before you get what you want, and you’re hungry. After you get what you want, and you’re full.
a) If you’re on the side of BEFORE you get what you want….
….stress enters with beliefs like: this is taking too long, I’m lonely, it’s too late, I should be farther along by now, the person I want isn’t available, I’m too shy, they won’t like me, I’m empty, I could fail, I hate waiting, this is too stressful, I’m unhappy the way it is, I won’t make it, this sucks, cry.
b) If you’re on the side of AFTER you get what you want….
….stress enters with beliefs like: now what, I’m not really satisfied, what’s next, oh no I’m never satisfied, I’m bored, this isn’t what I expected, this isn’t it, I want something else, I got it wrong, I made a mistake, there must be something more, I’ll keep going, I’ll never rest, I can’t stop now, strive, frustration.
And it seems like that luscious juicy delicious all-satisfied resting place is very short lived.
I once heard one of my favorite teachers, Adyashanti, talking about this. He said as a serious professional bike athlete in his past, he could relate.
An athlete trains and trains for 12 years to cross a line first. Finally the day comes. She or he wins.
Adya chuckled while speaking at this point, saying….
….the winning athlete gets 3 days, maybe a week, of absolute joyful bliss of accomplishment.
Then it’s time to move on.
This may be a simplistic way of putting it, and it’s not all black and white, but it’s highlighting the feeling of being attracted to something, a goal, or a person, where the sense of completeness is not yet discovered or felt.
Over here, with myself, I am empty or missing or alone.
If I had that, over THERE then I would be whole, full, found and together.
But is that actually true?
We notice the mind doesn’t ever really feel satisfied. Not the individual personal mind with a small “m”.
It’s constantly unsure.
It’s constantly looking out for what’s missing. It’s constantly thinking it needs something.
Who would you be, though, without your beliefs about LOVE?
If you couldn’t have the thought that you need more love, that you need a mate to actually become loved?
It’s the weirdest, most opposite thought to the dream of what all the love songs are about.
It’s not NORMAL to be satisfied and feel love, connection, presence, wholeness right here.
Except….what if it was?
What if you could sit here, this instant, and turn this whole crazy something-is-missing festival into a love-is-here festival?
Is there something besides your disappointed mind, or your anxious thoughts, that can notice the room you’re in right now?
How does your body feel while you read these words?
What else is surrounding you?
What if you took a deep, deep breath right now, and felt the love pouring into your body through the life force of oxygen?
What if now was enough, enough, enough….
….what would this feel like? What would you walk like? How would you behave today? What would you say? What would you do?
Turning all the thoughts around to the opposite:
This is taking just the right amount of time, I’m connected, it’s not too late, I should be exactly where I am, anything is available to me, I’m not too shy, they like me, I can’t fail, I love pausing, this is exciting, I’m happy the way it is, I will make it, this is awesome, I relax….
This could all be just as true or truer, whether you think you need a lover, a million dollars, to achieve “x”.
Whether it’s true love or spiritual enlightenment, what if this moment here was enough?
“Love is what you are already. Love doesn’t seek anything. It’s already complete. It doesn’t want, doesn’t need, has no shoulds. It already has everything it wants, it already is everything it wants, just the way it wants it…..Seeking love is how you lose the awareness of love. But you can only lose the awareness of it, not the state. That’s not an option, because love is what we all are. That’s immovable.When you investigate your stressful thinking and your mind becomes clear, love pours into your life, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” ~ Byron Katie