Welcoming Thoughts About Sickness

stressYesterday I felt my glands in my throat aching. I felt a sort of weird weakness in my arms and legs when I moved about, and a deep ache in the back of my head.

The mind kicks in trying to figure out what’s going on.

Did you eat something bad? Are you getting sick? Is it hormones from menopause? Or wow, what if its cancer or something serious?Didn’t I just hear about a friend’s kid with meningitis?

I wonder if….

I hear the mind comment, but don’t really believe any of it or act like any of it is true, I notice. I follow my usual schedule, quietly in my home most of the day.

Clients coming and going, online classes underway. Go out to stand in line at the DMV (Dept of Motor Vehicles in the US). Actually still go to the gym for light bike ride. Pausing and feeling the sensations again of ache, heat, weak.

Who would I be without the belief any of this is terrible?

This is a wonderful question!

Because when I have the idea or belief that being sick or having symptoms like mine is a bad thing….

….pretty soon I’m also thinking thoughts like “not only does my neck and head ache, but I’m in the wrong business (no vacation days) and I have tons of work to do and the house needs cleaning and repairs and I have to go get my car emissions tabs and, and, and….

….life is sooooooo hard.

It’s like the energy of “sick” gives birth to more of itself. Sick, bad, weak, wrong, terrible, dangerous.

But pausing and asking “who would you be without these thoughts?”

Funny.

I would be doing the exact same things, but relaxing through them all. Noticing there’s only one thing to do next, then another thing, not all at once, only doing what is possible right now, then now.

And if taking a motrin and lying down becomes what happens next, then that’s OK too.

It’s the way of it.

What is required, happens. Nothing more, nothing less.

Turning the thought around: these physical sensations are not terrible. My thoughts are terrible about these sensations.

So true! I’m moving, although slower, I’m conscious, and I can see the room, hear the sounds of cars outside, breath deeply, reply to emails, and feel something very still right here.

My thoughts are over-excited and dramatic. They are terrible, especially when they think the worse case scenario, and I buy it.

It’s kinda funny when the “worse” that can happen is a thought.

Who am I really, with physical so-called ailments, without believing my stressful thought?

Still fascinated and loving this world, taking it all in, noticing the abundance everywhere.

And I call the doctor if it becomes clear this is the next necessary step.

“When you have some understanding of your thoughts through inquiry, then you can call 911 consciously, without fear or panic. You’re more able to describe your situation and answer questions clearly. You’ve always known what to do; that doesn’t change.
 
A lover of what is looks forward to everything: life, death, disease, loss, earthquakes, bombs, anything the mind might be tempted to call “bad.” Life will bring us everything we need, to show us what we haven’t undone yet. Nothing outside ourselves can make us suffer.Except for our unquestioned thoughts, every place is paradise.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Remarkable to feel what I’d call sensations of sickness, or pain, or weakness….and not think of it as bad.

Ahhhhhh. Freedom right in the middle of odd sensations.

Love, Grace

2 Responses to Welcoming Thoughts About Sickness

  1. Hi Grace…
    I recall you saying once that you knew I read your Grace notes. And I do indeed! They are like a daily meeting and/or meditation. They are very, very helpful and important to me. Some of the recent ones have been especially resonant and powerful. Thank you so much and I want you to know how much I appreciate what you do!
    Fred

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