Be on the watch, the gods will offer you chances (questioning doom).

Holy Smokes. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve worked with lately who feel life is not worth living, or going on, or this planet is doomed.

I am not minimizing these thoughts by saying quite a few people have thought them.

Maybe the opposite.

People have reported feeling this way, and if I ask about a specific situation, like one thing that’s really disturbing, they say there isn’t just one. There really isn’t.

Unemployment, rejection, illness, hurricane, confusion, killing, unloved, sleeplessness.

All at once.

Life sucks.

And me? I have no idea where to start when there’s so much for someone else in their life….except….

….”what if you started right where you are?”

As in….it’s not worth living. It sucks. Nothing is working. I’m doomed.

Is it true?

Well, duh. That’s what I’m saying! Jeez!

Can you absolutely know it’s true that it can’t go on, it sucks, it’s not worth living, you’re doomed?

Sigh.

No. Fine.

Sometimes, when people are in this place (as I have been, by the way) then you might want to say YES. It’s absolutely true. It is awful. It’s horrible. It sucks. And this is not “worth” living.

It’s not wrong to have that answer.

I notice, so far, I’ve remained alive. So I guess there’s been a shadow of doubt about the value of being alive. I’ve continued. Or something else has, despite my depressing thoughts in the past.

How do I react when I believe I’m doomed?

Worried. Fretful. Not sleeping well. Lashing out at the people I love. Watching Netflix for escape. Holding steady and waiting for the next shoe to drop and wondering, how many shoes are there, anyway?

Are we working with some kind of octopus? Or milli-peed?

Who would you be without the thought that you’re doomed? Without the belief you need to escape, this is intolerable, nothing is working, you’re stuck in a pattern that doesn’t shift?

Um.

But.

This is only for a few minutes, to wonder what it would be like without the thought? Without the thoughts about this life not being worth living, and everything in it offering trouble. All those details that aren’t working? Who would you be without them? What do you see, in this moment right now?

Who would you be without the story you’re doomed?

Wow.

I’d notice this aliveness right now, even though I’m sure one day this won’t be so anymore. But I’d notice this place, here, now. Table, soft glowing light without sun, white blinds on window. Dusk. Flower bouquet from gathering last night where hostess was sending people home with extra flowers. Rain pattering. Grey pillow tipped over on couch. Quiet room. Heart pumping. Words from friend in inquiry saying how sad she is.

All without the story, we’re doomed….what is this all like?

Noticing how it’s not blackness and darkness and nothingness and death. Not at all. This room is full of stuff. People are writing and calling. There are humans, genuinely saying what’s so for them. Honesty is rising in the air. Truth is being shared.

Without the belief in doomsday, I am here. I lie here. I feel.

Turning the thought around: I am not doomed. Life is worth living. I can go on. We are going on.

How could this be just as true, or truer?

I’m still here. And without a thought about it, I’m looking around, noticing. Nothing is required. Nothing is expected. NOTHING.

I can lie down on the floor all day, and I won’t die most likely. Isn’t that fascinating in itself? Could it be that would be worth it? Why not? What’s “worth it” mean anyway? How would I know?

I see pictures of giving birth to my kids, sharing brilliant conversations with friends, reading incredible books, sobbing at the bedside of my father, feeling the sadness of conflict, running races (literally), pushing to accomplish, seeing a foreign land….all amazing experiences, all drifting into life and then back again into nothingness.

I notice going on is happening, without me having anything to do with it. I notice being doomed is not occurring NOW, in this moment. I notice I find many things in life worthy.

Turning the thought around again: My thinking is doomed. My thinking is not worth living. My thinking can’t go on. My thinking is NOT going on.

I see my thinking stops sometimes. I can see this. I go to sleep for awhile. I forget about my problems for a moment. I notice my thinking can’t be sustained, even the desperate or upset thinking.

Kind of absurd to think about….but what if I was forced to think about how doomed I am, and if I dropped the thought for even a second I’d be eliminated from planet earth (or some other terrible threat)? I still couldn’t do it. I might forget after awhile, by accident.

What if this “thinking” that I’m believing is true is not all there is? And what if it IS doomed? Always coming to an end. Always surrounded by silence.

Another turnaround: Nothing is doomed, including me. What’s important continues, without end. Life goes on.

And, everything is doomed. It all comes to an end. Everything is constantly changing and on the move. All appearing, then returning from whence it came.
Could it be just as true, or truer, that this is OK? Even better than OK?
The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski
your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.
What if I am not alone here?

Who would I be without the thought that I am?

Much love,

Grace

11 Replies to “Be on the watch, the gods will offer you chances (questioning doom).”

  1. I love your beautiful writing and sharing of your experience–and the inspiring, exciting, really AMAZING awareness of always being OK. Isn’t this the most exciting thing? Wow. I am thrilled to hear you are so joyfully connecting with others and with an eyes-open person in your life, and so not surprised dearest Dave. What a gift you are. Much love, Grace

  2. Hi Grace – I’ll begin by honoring you, yet again, for devoting your time, heart, and energy to bringing The Work into the lives of so many people. When The Work found Katie, she herself could only share it with a relatively small number of people, but you facilitators . . . Oh, my! What a service you are providing!
    This tendency for us humans to fret about our future(s) and about the yet-unrealized VALUE of our future life can be SUCH a thief of peace and joy, can’t it? I find myself now in a new relationship with a “woke” lady – one who is not yet familiar with this Work. (“Oh, she WILL be,” Dave said, grinning!) We quickly felt a heart-to-heart connection; we were not drawn together by physical attraction, in other words. It’s really nice – the type of relationship I’ve wished for! A couple days ago, she questioned me over lunch about my “commitment to the future” (my phrase) with her in my life. I assured her that there’s no way that I COULD assure her, other than to say that I’m settled and content, now, in the moment. And I told her that I’m happy that we have met. Really, what ELSE could I assure her of, other than that the future will take care of itself – and each one of us will be fine, with or without the other in her/his life?
    How else could each one of us have arrived here, other than by “In the moment we can always cope.” The Work has been such a comforter in my life, inviting me constantly to question any fears of the future that might arise. If I DO reflect back over the decades of my life, I’VE ALWAYS BEEN O.K., even when I’ve thought that I needed to “wrestle reality into MY way of being or seeing things.” (The following spoken in an amazed, strained whisper): “All my pushing against reality never changed a thing ANYWAY!” It’s so much better to breathe and settle into each fresh, promising moment, enjoying the ride. And do Inquiry, when necessary, when those stinkin’ thoughts creep in and try to steal our sense of wellness! Oh, Grace, I could write forever, it seems, in celebration of The Work!

  3. ST AUGUSTINE SAYS OUR HEARTS WILL BE RESTLESS UNTIL IT FINDS ITS REST IN THEE AND THAT THE HOLE IN OUR HEART CAN ONLY FILLED WITH GOD NOTHING ELSE.

  4. What a beautiful thing to sit with these feelings, these human conditions, this thought “I should be doing more…” Thank you for sharing your experience, love your note. –Love, Grace

  5. I have being extremely lonely lately. And this morning I decide to just sit there, eyes open, and watch the parts of me. All of them. Some sad, some lonely, some not. And Just Be. With the sadness. And the loneliness. And the part of me that thinks I should be doing more with my life. And the part of me that’s just watching. Just Be-ing. That’s enough. More than enough.

    Thanks for your talks.

    So much ❤️.

  6. Without the thought, deep integral loosening The tightness that is always there becomes apparent. “There’s nothing required ” is experienced. This inquiry I’ve been in with YOI is profound. Gratitude!

  7. What a sweet image came to mind of traveling to Iowa. Yes, I do agree something just downloads, doing The Work for everyone to read. Kind of funny to me! Thank you for your sweet note. Much love, Grace

  8. I so enjoyed reading this today Grace. Just yesterday at work a coworker was echoing this sentiment. I felt cruddy inside myself, I binge ate last night after feeling weird all day. Today first thing after I got up, I did a JYN worksheet on myself: I am Lonely. It was so healing and restorative and connected me again to the world.

    Have a wonderful, peaceful day, and thank you for all you do. :)

  9. What a Love you are, Grace 💞
    I first read Katie’s books long ago & came back to them recently for resources fior a depressed & struggling friend.
    You are offering such a beautiful service ( guided by spirit no doubt) with your email blogs and workshops! Are you ever going to be in the Des Moines Iowa area?

    Thank you. What a blessing you are,
    Marsha

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