Category Archives: spirituality

You do not have to be good…FB live today on doing TW on yourself

Today I’ll do another Facebook live! I know, I know, I thought I’d be doing these on Thursdays, but there is no schedule, apparently.

But at least I’ve given a little warning. I’ll hit the GO button at 1:00 pm Pacific Time Tuesday May 23rd. Join me!

If you haven’t been to my facebook page before, it’s Work With Grace: Byron Katie Coach and it’s the coolest thing to be able to be there and connect with you LIVE. I get to see your questions and comments on the spot.

Here’s the topic: Doing The Work of Byron Katie on fearing you are not attractive enough, kind enough, good enough.

So many people shared that this was one of their top ten thoughts when I asked, I was surprised…and then not really. I’ve been there myself.

It’s incredibly stressful, and incredibly common, to think thoughts like “I’m ugly” or “I’m an idiot” or “I’m not x enough (good enough, awake enough, patient enough)”.

Often, we’re advised NOT to do The Work on ourselves. There are very good reasons for this.

Think about it.

You are using your own mind, the same one that came up with the thought “I’m ugly” (not exactly kind) to then honestly and neutrally question this belief.

Maybe you have a belief that if you do The Work on this mean thought, you’ll improve, or turn out a little less ugly.

It’s very hard to drill down deep enough to even wonder….where did I get this idea? How could I know this is true? Why would I repeat this thought ad nauseum for most of my life?

The idea is….if I could just fix myself, I’d be happy. I’d have more fun, be a better person, help others, stop freaking out.

It’s really hard to give up the conviction that indeed, you are ugly or maladjusted, or something’s gone wrong with you.

We’ll think if we didn’t have this thought, we would either A) not be protected, safe, careful, or B) be made fun of by the entire kingdom, or C) be too bold.

But who would you be without this dreadful story “I am ugly, I did it wrong, I should be ashamed, I’m not good enough, I’m an idiot….”?

Who would you actually be? What would you be?

Can you feel it?

Maybe it’s inexplicable. Something in here observes, watches, without malice or judgment. Something in here realizes, I have no idea what I actually am. I can’t even see myself clearly–certainly not physically! How would I ever be able to see ugliness or idiocy or not-good-enough-ness? It’s practically impossible to be sure.

(Unless I’m playing God, ahem).

Turning it around: I am beautiful, I am bright, I am energy, I am good enough, I am good, I am loving, I am I-Don’t-Know (in a good way), I am.

I am.

Is this not just as true, or truer?

What if this way you are is just….the way you are? And there’s no need or urgency for improvement.

Wow. Now that’s a wild, exciting, natural, thrilling thought. It’s a wonderful, thrilling feeling. Being this. Not even knowing what it is. Letting it be, without a need to change one drop.

It’s called Unconditional Love. Could this be what we are already, without a thought that we need to improve? How about even WITH the thought we need to improve!

“You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves….”

~ Mary Oliver from Wild Geese

If you’ve had a little troubling doing The Work regularly I rewrote a simple guide for those of us having trouble with our self-inquiry. Maybe you haven’t felt much relief or joy through inquiry, perhaps you feel burdened by the weight of your beliefs which may have begun centuries before you were born. Maybe you constantly revert to criticism of yourself in an effort to improve life.

If so, you can find this eguide here. Please share it with others, if you think they’d benefit. I’d appreciate your feedback on what’s helpful and where you have questions, too.

Much love,


All this “work” is too much work

Still 6 spots for Breitenbush Retreat in luscious Oregon June 21-25 where you truly, deeply unplug and cleanse. Cleanse physically with spectacular vegetarian organic meals, dark quiet nights of rest, the old growth forest air, mineral springs for soaking. And…the mental cleansing: The Work of Byron Katie. Question your thinking, declare peace. To read about… Continue Reading

Shame & Guilt: looking closely instead of trying to rip them out

First Friday Inquiry Jam is tomorrow! 7:45-9:00 am Pacific Time. It’s for everyone, it’s free (donation if it feels right). You can listen-only through the Broadcast, or dial-in with phone or WebCall and have the opportunity to do The Work. We’ll start with me guiding you through filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet. Your sharing… Continue Reading

Are you waiting for better thoughts?

Argggh. Isn’t this plane going to take off soon? Late, late. This sucks. I’m so tired. That’s all I needed was another hour added to this already-long flight. So annoying. What kinds of thoughts enter your mind if you’re waiting? Yes, ANY kind of waiting. Waiting for a phone call. Waiting to hear about the… Continue Reading

It ain’t over, til it’s over.

The Work of Byron Katie is known as a powerful stress-reducing method of changing one’s mindset. It can alter your entire perspective of a very painful situation. I find, my internal world is completely different when I think about Before The Work and After The Work. But what about severe physical harm? Or car accidents?… Continue Reading

Freedom from your ideas, nothing is impossible (stress-free Resolutions)

A client said to me yesterday, rolling her eyes…. ….”this time of year, everyone’s assessing and thinking about their goals and year-end reflections and resolutions. Ugh.” I could tell she was irritated at some of the ideas in her mind. Goals. What does the word conjure in your mind? Many of us have completely thrown… Continue Reading

Small Round Coins in the Darkness

People have written to me lately, and individual clients I work with in person or on skype or facetime or phone, and people in Year of Inquiry, and messages on facebook…. ….and they’ve said something I have also felt in my life. For me, I’ve been working hard, but not efficiently. I love working, I… Continue Reading

Danger, danger…but are you sure your thoughts are true?

Today is the anniversary of my father’s death. It was a very long time ago, and I’m so used to living without him being physically present in my life, there is no dreadful pain about his absence. But it wasn’t always this way. When he first got diagnosed with incurable, terminal cancer, a wave went… Continue Reading

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