It’s really interesting that right as I’m putting final touches on the new Eating Peace Program, I decided to drink coffee every morning.
Nothing wrong with coffee.
It’s everywhere! If you like it, awesome!
But…I don’t actually like the way when I have it daily, it makes my skin peel on my hands, my face feels dry, and it makes my arm pits smell terrible.
A little seems OK, but not every day for me.
These same things happen every time I work up to a coffee every day. All these symptoms.
They go away the minute I quite drinking coffee.
So I just quit. Again.
It’s funny, the addictive process. Even in something like coffee.
I believe I want the adrenaline rush, the stimulation it brings to the body and the brain.
I believe it’s appealing, and that it just won’t be as pleasant in a duller, slower state.
In the past, the first time I quit coffee, I practically died. I was staring longingly at every espresso stand in Seattle (can you imagine the torture)? I was listless and full of craving.
(By the way, getting my nutritional health in order radically helped back then…but that’s another topic).
Trying to quit something by controlling oneself is pure misery.
Have you noticed?
People call it willpower.
It doesn’t work.
It’s hilarious the depth of illusion one can enter, though, including me, when you really think something’s gonna be beneficial when you get it.
I see, then I don’t see, then I see again, then I don’t see.
Here’s what appeared to happen….
….At some point, my mind came up with the idea (for the billionth time) that I need to do more. I need to get more done. I need to accomplish more. I need more time. I need more energy than is actually provided by whatever life force is here. I need to kick it up a notch. I need a boost.
More is needed.
The program I’m creating also needs to be fantastic, deep, transformative. It has to be excellent, make a difference, be incredibly fabulous.
People appear to go for caffeine when they have these kinds of beliefs.
Or food. Or smoking. Or speedy things.
The flip side of the thought of needing and wanting “more” is “not enough”.
People get crushes, watch porn, go shopping, drink alcohol, get grabby about things like money or sex, work on house projects, clean obsessively, go on Facebook constantly, when they start believing the thought “not enough”.
The thought appears that you need to accomplish something, get somewhere…you believe it, then you have your thing you do.
And the show begins!
And underneath the behavior, even if it’s uncomfortable behavior, or shameful, or secretive, or depressing….there is a voice that believes what is being thought IS TRUE.
This moment is not right. Not enough. Too much. Not good. Bad. Difficult. Hard. Troubling. Missing Something. Boring. Lonely. Dangerous. Stupid. Crazy. Empty. Wrong.
Who would I be without the belief that coffee is assisting me in having MORE of something in my day? Or that I need anything more in the first place?
I take a deep breath.
I notice I forgot about coffee this morning. I wondered if a headache might come, or a craving, but it never did.
Without the thoughts that I need more, and that coffee helps, I’d be floating, freely, falling backwards with such a sweet sensation of rest and slowing down that I wonder how I missed it before?
Without the belief that my thoughts of “more” or “not enough” are true…wow.
What a strange, open, vast, kind of weird sensation.
Something watching. No controlling the moment, the outcome.
You can try it right now.
Who would you be without the thoughts that you need to gain, achieve, do, be, offer something magnificent and push really hard to do it…like, NOW?
Without the thought that you need a substance to enhance your performance?
“The core deficient self is a false script about ourselves that we carry around in life, from childhood to adulthood. It’s an offshoot of a belief in being separate. There really isn’t a core deficient self, we just believe there is. We’re carrying around a fundamental lie about who we really are.” ~ Scott Kiloby
What are the opposite thoughts of the ones that believe more is necessary, that this is not enough?
This is just right.
Nothing is needed to add, push, enhance, boost, force, or make anything more to be here than is actually here.
All is very well. Life is humming. Awakeness is here, with or without coffee.
“If it wasn’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsover.” ~ David Letterman
Much love, Grace