It’s not a new idea to most of us that when we’re telling ourselves something painful and troubling about other people, places or things….
….we’re also tellingourselves mean things.
.…you are so mean to have such thoughts about other people. You should be more accepting. You’re so judgmental. You’re ridiculous. You have no answers. You are so opinionated. What an unenlightened person you are.
All said to you. From a voice we can’t define, exactly.
One thing I’ve come to know about that voice, though….
….is that it is convinced there are dreadful problems that appear about life, circumstances, the world, other people, and of course you, too….
….and it has a project. Fix them.
It gets really frustrating to try and fix stuff in our environment or to try and fix stuff about other people.
They keep doing what they’re doing, they don’t change.
So we turn on ourselves and try and fix the way WE are.
How do you react when you believe you need to be fixed or improved, you really need to “get” something about what’s going on here that you don’t get yet?
Wow, it’s intense how I react.
I enroll in training programs, I sign up to get a degree, I pay lots of money to hang out with people I think can help me.
I read lots of books, I structure my day to include physical exercise and meditation, I go to therapy, I eat only food from my food plan.
Not that there’s anything wrong with these. At all.
But that underlying belief….I need improvement…..ouch.
Left to my own devices, I am out of control, I’m unspiritual, I’m compulsive, I’m an addict, I’m wrong, I’m not enough.
Who would you be without the belief that there’s something wrong with you?
Even though you did that embarrassing thing once…..even though you put your foot in your mouth, even though you defended yourself by chopping someone down, even though you said harsh things to that person you love, even though you got divorced, or lost all your money (like me), or got cancer, or ate too much?
Who would you be without the belief there’s anything wrong with you whatsoever?
Kind of strange, right?
But let’s say there isn’t. Let’s say all that occurred was not your fault.
How would that feel?
What if there was something right with you, and that’s why it went down the way it did?
You responded like a human. And you are human, it turns out. You had thoughts, feelings, experiences and you didn’t know how to work with them (yet) and thought you should know, so you criticized yourself.
And even THAT was not wrong.
….you can sit still if you like, being here in the presence of yourself and your environment in this moment as you read these words, imagine not fully believing the thought that there is something wrong with you, with life, with what’s happened or what you’ve done.
“Everybody has their favorite way of arguing with God. When you start to follow, instead of lead, you start to follow that inner movement that is not speaking. It leads; you follow….
….This idea that there is a problem….that’s the wild hair in the ass of humanity.” ~ Adyashanti in My Secret Is Silence
Have you been arguing with God, by thinking you’re a problem?