Every so often, I get asked about my history of addiction and I still have a twinge of wishing it wasn’t so.
My primary horrible experience was around food. Always concerned with eating too much or not having enough, and trapped in the squashed zone of in-between.
It was too much, it is too much, it will be too much…it wasn’t enough, it isn’t enough, it won’t be enough.
Landing on “just right” seemed elusive, actually…..impossible.
My mind was so full of fear, I couldn’t relax.
It doesn’t matter if this comes out in the way you eat or in another way. I’ve used other activities to *prove* there’s either too much or not enough of something….caffeine, alcohol, tobacco, screen time, crushes.
But what is there actually not enough of, or too much of….really?
It always seemed like there was something I perceived that was missing, or too overwhelming, and boom….the urge to escape would appear.
Since my mind was fast and busy and saw a lot that there was too much of, and a lot missing, I was constantly fretting about life, relationships, money, safety, love, yesterday and tomorrow.
No wonder I thought I needed “help” from substances, especially food.
Life was hard, thinking there wouldn’t be enough of something, or there might be too much of something, all that all the time.
And ever so slowly, it dawned on me that thought, this way of thinking, was an addiction all by itself.
I couldn’t seem to think any other way, I kept believing what I thought was true, I took myself and my thoughts very seriously, I believed I couldn’t relax or didn’t have true happiness yet, that it was around the corner.
“Simple rest without thought, feeling into the spacious relaxation of no mind, is perhaps the best antidote to addiction. Trying to think oneself out of addiction is, in and of itself, just another addiction, an addiction to thought. If we are going to speak of recovery from addiction, we have to first speak to this addiction to thought itself. When addiction to thought is released, thoughts still happen, but with no sense of self in them and no sense that they carry a command to engage in some addictive substance or behavior.” ~ Scott Kiloby
Questioning your stressful thoughts is a fantastic way to begin to break apart what you’re thinking, to begin to understand what’s happening in your mind that creates the urge to eat, drink, smoke, shop, watch movies, obsess, clean, exercise.
It doesn’t matter if it’s unrelated to food, or whatever you use for escape or comfort.
Look at these beliefs:
There is not enough of “x” in my life…..and…..there is too much of “x” in my life.
Write these down. Make a list.
Take them through the four questions.
If you’re wanting to stop doing something that feels compulsive, addictive, harmful…you can stop.
You can stop believing that what you’re thinking is true. Start by writing down what you repeat to yourself that seems stressful.
Then take it through the four questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know it’s true (if you said Yes)
- How do you react when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without that thought?
- What’s the opposite of your original thought?
You can do this.
Freedom is on the other side.
Much Love, Grace
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