After a retreat, vacation, travel, or some special time of learning something unique and new there’s something people refer to as the after-workshop glow.
Today, as I slept in (crazy unusual for me) after late-night conversations, singing around the campfire outside, and three intense days in learning and connecting with others, I feel very excited about…..well, EVERYTHING.
And then there was a little thought, not unfamiliar, which said “but you don’t have very much time.”
Oh brother, not TIME again.
Can’t you give it a rest?
Do we have to be concerned with time, and how much or how little or the quality or the apparent endless scarcity of it?
Visions of what I need to and want to do float through my head, even as I’m lying in bed after sleeping so deeply and so long.
I need to put the final touches on Year of Inquiry which I’ll take applications for soon…it starts in September!
I need to arrange a very special retreat I’ve been thinking about putting together for awhile for a very small group because enough people have asked.
I need to get ready for this next month of Summer Camp for The Mind for everyone who wants to be in the July session!
Answer emails! Get some tech stuff in place on my website! Write to so-and-so! Replace my dresser in the bedroom! Finish that book!
I need to, I need to, I need to…
Oh boy. I know I’ve written about time and stressful beliefs about it before, but these thoughts sure are persistent and gripping.
Let’s look again, from a new angle.
Why do I need more time? Why do I want all those things done anyway?
The mind imagines that with all these things completed, there will be a moment in the future when nothing is required, when you can rest and feel peace.
But not now, because they aren’t done yet, right?
I can’t truly rest with all these things unfinished.
Is that true?
Yes. They are in the back of my mind. Even writing this Grace Note, I’m thinking just a little about what will happen after that, what I may have to set aside until later, how I can best use the afternoon, blah blah.
But can I absolutely know that it’s true that I can’t truly rest with all these things unfinished? I can’t enjoy and relax right here, now, even with a big to-do list?
Instantly with that recognition that the answer is “no” I look up.
I see the room I’m sitting in. Books, window, beautiful gleaming wooden floor, sun coming through edge of window, power cord, full tea cup.
I feel this moment, this room. Even with a mind scampering around shouting about what needs to happen.
This body relaxes, I feel the center of it, something very quiet and dark and deep, that knows all is well and none of all that stuff even matters.
Something so funny about it!
Who would I be if I couldn’t even think the thought that I can’t rest until all these things are finished, or it’s going to be better later when they are?
I feel a deep gratitude, that this moment is all that is necessary.
There is no future moment when everything is done, unless there is, but none of that is necessary right now.
It’s so amazing how the mind conceives of the joy I will experience from the completion of all these events and activities, and what should happen soon….
….and then takes off without waiting to notice that things are also very, very well right here in THIS moment, now.
Even if you are in traffic and you’re supposed to be somewhere in five minutes that isn’t physically possible….
….instead of feeling anger at the other cars, the street, your condition, your situation, lack of time….
….what if you knew all was so perfectly in order, you couldn’t possibly adjust time to make it better for you. Because it’s good NOW, as it is. Unfinished.
I CAN truly rest with all these ideas, tasks, activities unfinished.
That is far, far more true. That is true in every moment.
“Time is in the mind, space is in the mind. The law of cause and effect is also a way of thinking. In reality all is here and now and all is one. Multiplicity and diversity are in the mind only.The mind craves for formulations and definitions, always eager to squeeze reality into a verbal shape. A quiet mind is all you need. All else will happen rightly, once your mind is quiet. As the sun on rising makes the world active, so does self-awareness affect changes in the mind. In the light of calm and steady self-awareness inner energies wake up and work miracles without effort on your part.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj
I know in this moment, I would rather see what happens next without effort on the part of my mind.
Oh, look at that. This Grace Note is complete and only 35 minutes have passed….
….but by writing about these thoughts, awareness shines in me and my whole body is more relaxed.
It’s still morning, the sun is brighter, I hear a skateboarder ride by outside and birds calling.
Time, apparently, to stand up and go out.
Much love, Grace
P.S. If you’d like a taste of guided work with me (with you), so you sit still, do your work, join with others…then come on board for Summer Camp in July. Small group of truly incredible inquirers, ready to investigate thoughts that hurt. Only $97 for all the calls you can make (there will be seven during July). Click HERE to register.