Money Can’t Give You What You Really Want

Cherry flowers and dollarLately quite a few clients who work with me have been inquiring into issues related to money. Not just the people in the current money teleclass, but individual clients who normally don’t have troubling beliefs about money come up.

As in….that money should be here with me….right now.

Not over there in someone else’s pocket, or in another bank account, or in cash registers in random stores in the neighborhood, or in those peoples’ wallets.

It should be in MY bank account. MY pocket. MY wallet. MY emergency fund.

That money should travel from over there, to over here. I have a contract, I lent him the money, I gave her my services, this was the agreement! They should have paid me back by now!

DANG!

Even if you don’t have a contract or expectation of being paid, you might harbor a secret feeling or desire for money to move in your direction more often, more easily, more smoothly than it apparently does.

Or not go OUT in such quantities.

Yeah, now that I think about it, why does that thing I want cost so much?

I don’t like money moving from me to over there! I hate “wasting” money. I couldn’t take the plane because of my sore throat, I couldn’t attend the class because of my broken toe, I don’t like the price of this furniture, I won’t spend that much on a hair cut, I need a good deal!

Even if you have lots of money, and zero worries about survival you may notice these kinds of thoughts.

Money in general should be coming toward me and sticking with me, not going away from me. This is always better.

Let’s inquire. You may find something interesting here (I sure have).

Is it true, that having money is better than not having it?

Are you seriously asking this question? Of course it is. Duh!

Stick with me here, in this inquiry. It’s a huge gigantic belief, but it has some serious cracks, and you may find….you don’t really believe it after all.

So is it really absolutely beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt true that having money is better than not having it?

Huh. Well. No. I see people with lots and lots of money not so happy on the inside. I see people with hardly any money having a wonderful time. I see very wealthy people full of love. I see very wealthy people anxious and obsessive about bills and payments. I know people with very small amounts of money completely trusting and satisfied.

I really don’t know if this statement that having more money trumps not having money is even true.

Weird.

How do you react when you believe having money, having more money, having it in motion TO you, vs FROM you….is better?

I complain internally about every bill, anything that’s priced more than “x” dollars. I imagine getting deals, getting things for cheaper. I wonder with irritation about why a refrigerator costs so much. I feel an edgy concern about money lasting so many years and wishing I could help other people instead of be so focused on taking care of myself.

I feel grabby.

I think everyone else agrees that having more is better, and compares amounts, so I don’t mention money much, or discuss it with others.

I criticize that guy I was dating for having piles of it, and I criticize that other guy I was dating for being content with so little.

Oh man. No one is off the radar, I’ve got ideas about everyone and how they got money, where they get money, what they buy with their money, what they sell for money.

It goes on and on. It’s exhausting analyzing everyone.

So who would you be without the thought that having money is better than not having it?

That is a very, very strange and unusual thought.

But maybe not so unusual….not really.

How often during every day do you forget how much money you have?

What do you notice is really, truly important to you? Have you noticed how much you care about connection with people, love, kindness, helping others, supporting people, taking care of your family, having fun, playing, celebrating, resting?

Just, being?

See who you’d be without this thought as you entered a grand fancy hotel lobby, or the private home of a fancy person, or you watched a movie where people were very wealthy and had lots of money.

I feel what it’s like to be there, in a gorgeous sparkling environment. The wonder of looking around and being in awe of what humans create, what they invent. Without any thought whatsoever that having this is better than not having it….I feel pure joy.

Calm, discovery, wonder.

I remember driving through a town of deep poverty in a car in Africa. At least, they said the people were poor. My parents have somehow obtained this car, the people there didn’t have vehicles. They lived in tiny shacks.

Remembering that moment, without the belief that it’s better to have money than not, I see much more. I look out the window without fear. I notice smiling faces, shouting, leaning faces towards the car, curiosity.

Without this thought, I visit another couple of memories.

Me with nothing left in my bank account, unable to buy new presents for my children for Christmas. Me with a hurt ankle and no health insurance. Me with a very limited amount of money available to spend on my own wedding.

Without the belief it would be better to have more money in those moments than I did?

So freeing, so exhilarating!

No shame. Just watching the great coming and going of money as it moves here and there and how fun it all is.

I actually notice, without the belief that having money is better than not having it….and this seems odd but VERY fascinating….

….that I am simply excited, happy, playful with my beliefs about money.

Like I’ve been invited to a game of badminton, and as I’ve gotten the hang of playing badminton, I decide to play tennis. And as I’ve had fun learning tennis, I wander into a game of soccer (far more people playing together). And as I’ve continued soccer I’ve entered games with great energy, many people, sharing, exchanging, throwing balls back and forth, playing tag, dancing, having a blast.

“Nothing is ever going to give you what you want. It’s not going to give you what you want!…If you want money for happiness, like if you wanted to have an experience for example like a trip to India, you want something. You only want that trip to India because you think it will give you something! So you believe if you got everything you want, you think you would be beyond pain, beyond suffering. Isn’t it about finally being safe? And are you safe now? Skip the trip!” ~ Byron Katie

Today, I let myself have the joy of asking if it was true that having more money is better than not….and notice pure gratitude for the money I have, and pure gratitude for the times without money (the joy and silence was so solid, no matter how much money was present)!!

I have just about nothing to do with money and when it comes and goes, just like people. How gentle, relaxed and peaceful to feel this. In this moment, without thoughts about how much money is good or bad, or better or worse, or wasted or used well, I feel such clarity, it’s hard to describe.

Everything around me in motion.

“Stop thinking, and end your problems. What difference between yes and no? What difference between success and failure? Must you value what others value, avoid what others avoid? How ridiculous! Other people have a purpose; I alone don’t know. I drift like a wave on the ocean, I blow as aimless as the wind.” ~ Tao Te Ching #20

Today in inquiry and contemplating my relationship with money, I realize I have done The Work on money so many times, I couldn’t count. But every single time, there is insight. Every time, it’s more expansive.

Money has helped bring me infinity, especially lack of money. OMG, how awesome is that?!

Much love, Grace

 

2 Replies to “Money Can’t Give You What You Really Want”

  1. These are such great beliefs to question–ultimately, that you need to keep a stressful belief about money in order to be motivated, or to be responsible, caring and rational. It’s as if we think, if I really didn’t have so much attachment to gravity, I would become insane, forget all laws of the universe, and jump off my roof. Notice how the mind creates a fearful future scenario of how terrible it would be, that you would do something totally destructive, without the stressful belief you need to be mindful of gravity. What I notice is, I am never even thinking of my roof, or falling….almost ever. And I stay on the ground, connected to the earth. It’s just the way of it. If you notice you deeply care about poverty, it’s possible to joyfully connect with those in poverty, without agony or pain about it. You just notice what you’d like to do and go that direction. Keep trying on the way it would be without stressful thoughts….discover if it is true that you’d be uncaring and greedy!

    Love your questions, by the way! Thank you for writing!

  2. Thank you, Grace, for yet another very insightful note. This belief about money actually strikes deep within me as I have grown up around a house that has ingrained its kids to believe that being rich makes you greedy, uncaring, that politically it is wrong and that it leads to exploitation in all senses. And that’s worth looking into, as well, but I can’t help but to ask…without this belief that I need to have money to be happy, wouldn’t that make me uncaring and superficial about poverty in itself? If I believe that it makes no difference that rich or poor people have money for their well-being, and yet the stats are there, the struggle, well, that doesn’t compute! Something makes me feel that if I dropped that belief, not only would I get deemed as irresponsible and uncaring, and maybe even delusional, by everyone around, but I would feel that way about myself. Ahahaha, even more beliefs! Still, there is an internal conflict and I’m wondering what your thoughts (or anyone else’s) are around that.

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