Last night the YOI Thursday group gathered together as we do on the phone to stop, and inquire.
Such a simple concept “I need him/her to be considerate”.
Oh the wrath! Annoying, frustrating….sad!
Daughters, mothers, neighbors.
One of my favorite parts of the inquiry was drilling into the meaning of consideration.
Why would I care about that person being considerate? How do I know that they aren’t being absolutely, wonderfully, whole-heartedly, brilliantly considerate?
What’s my proof?
What does it mean when someone is acting like that…whether leaving their hair in the drain, parking too close, or yelling and screaming and saying very painful things?
Finding what you believe, going in for the truth, can be the most wondrous investigation.
If that person wasn’t doing that thing (that I’m calling inconsiderate) then I would be happy, I would be safe, I would be relaxed, I would be loved, things would be easy, things would be smooth.
I wouldn’t have to face “x” if only that person were more bloody *&)$%^ considerate!!
Who would I be without the thought that she wasn’t considerate? He wasn’t considerate?
Wow. There that person is, doing this, saying that, being who they are…
….and I am here, watching it, without the thought that they are failing to consider me, or others.
Inside, without the thought, I feel open, spacious, rested, curious.
I might speak, I might move towards them, I might remain quiet, I might see what is outside the window.
I turn the thought around that I need her to be more considerate, to the opposite.
I don’t need that. She shouldn’t be, he shouldn’t be.
I entertain this possibility. Once again, here I am again, back here with myself, feeling all the emotions, the love, the care, the concern, the draw to intimacy, the way this person has brought me alive, passionately, with energy (even if it’s rage).
I need to be considerate of myself, I need to consider her, I need to consider him.
Yes, I need to drop this fight, I need to end this argument, I need to thank this other person, I need to move closer to them, I need to love, to trust.
“Everyone is God speaking. Why not be polite, and listen to him?” ~ Hafiz