Have you ever been in a group–no matter what size–and there’s someone present who you find irritating?
That person raises their hand.
The teacher calls on them.
Oh boy….here we go again…
…you roll your eyes and say under your breath only not too loud so anyone can hear you…
…”What a pain in the ass. I wish they’d shut up!”
Quick as lightening you’re throwing daggers at them in your own head.
Common beliefs about someone out there in the world in a group are the following (not that I’d know anything about these particular thoughts–haha).
- he’s hogging the mic
- she interrupts me (and shouldn’t)
- he gives me the creeps
- she should participate MORE, she’s too quiet
- he is too nice, too polite
- she should give other people a turn
- he asks too many questions
- she always has a complaint
- I need a turn
- we need more time
I love sitting with that exact moment where someone did a thing and it was disturbing, according to my mind.
Even if every single one of these thoughts is a different picture, a different image, a slightly different situation although they all occurred at the very same gathering.
I start with the first one only.
There he is, going on and on holding the microphone. I remember it vividly. I’m way in the back of the room. He’s in the front. It’s his voice again I begin to hear.
I stay with that specific moment, so I can really be utterly and entirely in the middle of troubling moment for me.
How do I react when I believe this thought that the guy with the mic is taking it too often, too much, or that I should be the one with a turn?
A wave of “against” seems to come out of me zapping in the direction of the man with the microphone.
My stomach goes into knots.
I have an inner growl.
Why is the teacher calling on him again? He’s had enough chance to speak!
How do I feel about myself in that situation?
I see me sitting in the second to last row, in the way back, stretching up my neck to see the front of the room.
Like I am the one not getting enough time, like I am the one not getting chosen, or enough opportunity at the mic, not close enough, not open enough, not getting it enough.
I am the one who is concerned about Not Enough.
I don’t even realize in that moment, while I’m believing the thought this man is taking too much time, how Not Enough was present in me before this man even spoke.
I’m at this workshop to get “more” of something.
So who would I be without the belief that anything in that room, including this man at the microphone, is not good enough, time enough, interesting enough, helpful enough, supportive enough?
Who would I be without the thought that there’s something missing around here?
At first….it’s almost inconceivable.
Then something drops open.
What would it feel like without the belief I am needing anything more, and this man at the microphone is in the way?
Without the thought about that moment was less than perfect?
it’s like I’ve set this whole thing up, without even consciously realizing it.
I am the victim, he’s the chump.
I turn the thoughts around:
- he’s got great things to say into the mic
- she interrupts me (and should!), I interrupt myself
- I give myself the creeps about someone I don’t know
- she’s just right, for her (not too quiet)
- I am too nice, too polite, he’s actually very kind
- I should give myself a turn
- I ask too many questions, she doesn’t
- I always have a complaint…about her, about others, or me
- I don’t need a turn, I’ll get the perfect amount of turns
- we do not need more time
Whatever your original thought is, I love sitting with it very consciously, very deeply, contemplating my turnaround.
Catching the perfect sweetness of everything being completely fine exactly the way it is.
Nothing needing to be tweaked.
No one needing to be quieter or take up less space.
Most of all….and maybe the ONLY thing really important….
….nothing missing in my own being, in my own moment.
No matter what anyone else is doing.
“It’s your birthright to see moon, sun, tree, him, her, everyone without thought.” ~ Byron Katie
P.S. Join us for Summer Camp For The Mind absolutely any time. I love doing The Work with you. We go until August 7th.