I was upset with myself recently and heard my mind say “you got yourself into this, it’s your fault”.
This can happen with big and small events, short and long conversations, big surprises, small surprises, accidents, the unexpected.
What a fantastic concept to question!
“It’s my fault”.
Is that really true?
What does that even mean?
It’s like the mind is getting fired up and the main focus is “let’s find out who is to blame…and by the way, this time it’s probably YOU!”
And when someone is to blame, they are BAD.
A wise meditation teacher and writer called Cheri Huber wrote a book called “There Is Nothing Wrong With You”.
I’ve read it over 150 times.
Seriously. It has big font and not many words on each page.
Imagine the last time you did or said something and then had the thought “that was my fault”.
Your version might be “I shouldn’t have said it that way, I could have prevented that outcome, I’m just not good at ______.”
And some of us also start thinking about the other people involved, and how THEY could use some improvement as well of course.
Always scanning for who did worse, who is the biggest jerk.
How does it feel in your body when you think it’s your fault?
Heavy, depressing, low, thick, nauseated, jittery, aching, sleepy, crushing.
There you are, sitting in a chair, or walking along, or going about your day, and you keep thinking of that stupid thing you did or said.
How you could prevent it next time. How you could “pay” for it and therefore feel better.
This is not a friendly belief.
It produces tons of stress.
Therefore, it is also not a true thought.
Beliefs that are true feel peaceful, calm, simple, open, surrendered, real.
Notice how it also isn’t true that it’s someone else’s fault. Also very stressful.
I love sitting with who I would be, in these moments where I decided I was wrong and worthy of blame, without the belief that it was my fault.
I don’t mean the kind of saying “it’s not MY fault!” like little kids say when they’re scared to death and they want it to be someone else’s fault.
“Can you be lovable NOT meeting the standards? Can you stop trying to change into who you wish you were long enough to find
out who you really are? You will never improve yourself enough to meet your standards.” ~ Cheri Huber
If I turn the painful belief around and look at this concept “there is no one to blame”!
But what about the pain, the difficulties of the world, the people
who are hurting, the mental illness, addiction, cancer, disease, psychopaths, murderers, violence!?
There has to be a reason for these, it has to be someone’s fault! If we don’t find out whose fault it is then terrible things will happen over and over again.
I have to find out the root of the badness and pull it out!
It seems easy if I’m to blame, and I pop over to that idea a lot, but….really, who would I be without the thought that the bad stuff is someone’s fault?
Empty. Silent. Open. Vast. Expansive. Wondering. Free. More relaxed, not tight.
Not against anything. Not sure. Not knowing. Mind without a job. Mind at rest.
Curious, confused. But non-attacking.
And there’s something to that, there’s something lighter without blaming whether myself or someone else. Maybe a lot lighter.
“Beginning to wake up. Beginning to not take it personally. Beginning to see that life isn’t anyone’s fault. It just is and you just are, and it’s all just fine.” ~ Cheri Huber