Feeling Poor? Why? Question Your Story

Link to my new Peace Talk podcast right HERE.

I’d love your review in Itunes (check 3 minute video on my website to see how to submit a review if you’ve never done it before, by clickingHERE).

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Meanwhile….long long ago (yesterday afternoon)….

….I forgot all about podcasts, emails, anything-computer.

There was a knock on the door.

I was sitting in my yoga pants and slippers. Dishes were on the counter. Laundry was half way finished so the laundry basket was in the middle of the kitchen floor full of dirty clothes. The carpet had pine needles all over it. The kitchen table had piles of sheet music, school forms, unopened mail and overdue library books. My headphones from skype sessions were lying piled on top of a dish cloth. Through an open door, the bed was unmade and a package of recently opened toilet paper rolls was leaning on a chair.

Oh.

The two guys are here to do an energy audit of our little cottage, analyzing the “holes” in the house and why there may be so much heat being used for such a tiny little place.

They would need to go into every room.

Stomach sinking.

EMERGENCY! I NEED TO CLEAN UP! 

This is embarrassing!

Smile anyway. Welcome official-looking men! No problem, come right in!

(Can I stand in front of the laundry basket and they might not see it? Maybe they won’t notice that I look like I’m wearing what I slept in last night. Since I am.)

They are thinking I don’t care about my house. They are wondering why would someone like ME of all people request an energy analysis of my home?

I obviously have no pride.

One of the men notes there is a standing electric radiator heater in the garage.

“Its perfectly fine you have this kind of heater, all the low income housing uses these kinds of heaters because they are safer.”

SEE!!!!

He thinks I’m low income housing. I’ve chosen this tiny house to live in. It’s messy and trashy.

He shouldn’t think I’m poor!!!!!

I could feel the heat rising in my torso. I wanted a do-over. Not be surprised by their knock on the door. Firm, prepared, powerful, in control.

So they wouldn’t assume I’m in poverty.

Ha ha!

Who would I be without the thought that they shouldn’t think I’m poor? Who would I be without the belief that I AM poor?

Without the thought that being in this cute little cottage means I don’t have much money, and not having much money means being “poor” and being poor means I must not be trying or caring, and not trying or caring is something to be ashamed of?

Who would I be without this crazy story swarming in all in a split second?

Laughing at the insanity of the mind.

Who would I be without fearing judgment, in that moment?

I’d be having a blast talking with these two interesting characters who have arrived with lots of equipment, questions, pencils and graph paper to have a look at a structure called “my house” (which really isn’t).

How fun that they’re here! How curious, fascinating, even helpful!

Sigh.

I turn the story around: these men with calculators and ladders arriving, and their comments, do NOT mean I am poor. Being messy does not mean I am poor. Wearing pj’s doesn’t mean I’m poor. I am not poor. I don’t even know what “poor” is exactly, or what’s wrong with it.

I am abundant, wealthy, proud, generous, unafraid, willing, welcoming, as I am.

“The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present…..Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

I am nothing, not poor, not rich, not anything static or defined.

Ha ha!

Now that’s a bit lighter.

Who would you be without the belief that your home, your bank account, the number in it, your job or unemployment, means “you’re x”?

Exciting.

Love, Grace

4 Replies to “Feeling Poor? Why? Question Your Story”

  1. So glad you could do this inquiry, too! I love watching how your daughter doesn’t care, she has 3 friends over. Many gatherings happened at my little house after divorce, including full blown slumber parties where I couldn’t believe all the kids wanted to sleep at our house, there was hardly space. They thought it was so much fun, and I grew to see it was like going to a cabin in the mountains. I could even see how having a small place is so easy and delightful, that even with money, I don’t want to move! Thanks so much for sharing your sweet story, its so dear to notice these stressful stories.

  2. Thank you for another insightful post! This one really hit home for me. After my divorce, I left my house to my ex, and moved into a small 2 bedroom apartment. My daughter had 3 friends over yesterday and I was embarrassed that I didn’t have a “real house” and that they barely fit in the living room. I felt like I needed to explain why I lived there. How dumb. It amazes me how vested I am in total strangers’ opinions of me. How I accept their (perceived) judgement that probably isn’t even there but is just a story in my head. Thank you for taking me through this inquiry. I really enjoy your blog :)

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