I’ll never forget when my daughter was a little girl (she is now 14)
and I watched her do the thing we sometimes do when we’re not getting 100% connection and attention from a friend. When we’re not getting what we want!
She was REALLY angry. Another little girl was visiting and they were
playing with dolls. I suddenly heard my daughter’s voice yelling
“I’m NEVER GOING TO BE YOUR FRIEND AGAIN!”
I looked into the room to see her standing with her arms crossed giving
the evil eye to her playmate, the room full of stunned silence.
Oh the agony! The drama!
But I have found that us grown-ups have the same kind of voice on the
inside, the same one that when we’re hurt or when we think we’re not going
to get what we think we want, says “…NEVER!” or “…ALWAYS!”
When my marriage was ending seven years ago, I was extra fearful.
I wasn’t sure I could live on my own. I had a lot of stories about
relationships and what husbands and wives were supposed to act like.
I had lots of thoughts that had the words “never!” and “always!” in them.
Thoughts like “I’ll never love again”…”I’ll always be abandoned”…”I’ve
never been good at living alone”…”My children will always remember
this as horrible”…
When I was the most scared, my mind would fill up with all kinds of
horrifying scenarios. I’d imagine myself living on the street pushing
around a shopping cart. I would feel anger, resentment, terror, agonizing
Thank goodness for The Work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was I really abandoned? Did this all really mean I did something wrong?
What would it be like if I didn’t believe that thought?!
What if it was possible that life was actually going exactly as it was going,
and I could be…..peaceful? Content? Ready for adventure?
I noticed I was breathing, I had shelter, food, a car, books, friends, three
awesome sisters, a great mom, a huge, loving extended family, fantastic
neighbors…and FINALLY time to myself that I had always wanted.
And there was more, and more, and more that I noticed.
I started realizing that change in an important relationship was only
change, not a gigantic disaster. It was even exciting!
If you’d like to join the journey to peace with an important person
in your life….your spouse, your mother, your son, your co-worker…
Come join the next teleclass:
Relationship Hell to Heaven: Fridays, Feb 10 – April 6, 2012
8 – 9:30 am Pacific Time
Much love and peace,