What If I Don’t Wake Up?

I am sitting in the airport (yes, my crutches are still with me and very nice people have been wheeling me around in wheelchairs).

This morning my flight is pretty early….but my ride to the airport even earlier.

Have you ever woken up off and on all night before going on a trip?

Because last night, my sleep was that kind of sleep.

I looked at the clock at 2:33 am, and then 4:04 am. Always the concern “how much longer?” and then a sort of funny back-of-the-mind thought about whether or not I would actually wake up with the alarm.

So funny, the idea that I would NOT hear the alarm, or awaken…as if somehow, I would remain asleep and miss this important occasion.

That part of mind has such an unrelaxed, nervous attitude towards my capacity to wake up.

As if!

Such anticipation of a near-future error! I might screw up!

For the first time, this morning, I actually did The Work on this very small, minor stressful thought “If I missed my flight, it would be terrible”.

Because it is only because of that threatening possibility that I even care about waking up, planning, packing, moving.

Is it true that it would be terrible if I missed my flight?

YES! It would cost money, mess up my schedule at home, and be imposing on my airport pick-up when I arrive at my destination.

I might miss the next class I’m teaching, I might miss my doctor’s appointment, I might, I might, I might…

Hmmmm. Would it really be terrible to miss my flight?

Maybe not. There is nothing unsafe about rescheduling anything and everything. Change occurs.

I see what I’m like WITH the thought. I feel like I never slept all night (which is not actually true).

With the belief, I am leaning into the future in a pretty stressful way, like I’m anticipating the next hours ahead. I’m thinking about when all this is over with, and I’m done traveling. Like I want to skip this moving/waiting/rushing part where I’m on the move.

Who would I be without the thought that it would be terrible to miss my flight?

I would not be diving into the next 10 hours trying to “see” them and make sure they are safe.

Without the thought, I trust myself to participate in this idea of travel, waking up, alarms, being ready, waiting in the agreed upon places.

All is well, whatever happens.

I turn the thought around “it would be wonderful if I missed my flight”. 

Now it’s getting interesting.

I might have quiet time. I’d have time to sit with my computer, or my book…or to close my eyes and rest. I might see more of the strange city I’ve been in. I might run into someone fun.

Something deep inside would relax.

Suddenly, I realize that the thought about not waking up with an alarm feels the same as the thought about not waking up to the Truth, or Enlightenment….

….that future open state of peace.

Eckhart Tolle reminds me that if I focus on the future, my goals, the time on the clock, I begin to lose.

That includes the focus on waking up. Whatever kind of waking up I’m thinking about. 

“Your life’ journey is no longer an adventure, just an obsessive need to arrive, to attain, to “make it.” You no longer see or smell the flowers by the wayside either, nor are you aware of the beauty and the miracle of life that unfolds all around you when you are present in the Now.” 

There could be wonderful, exciting things about missing my flight, missing the future.

Who knows. It is not sooooooo up to me as I think. Everything is working here together with this plan to move from point A to point B. Or not.

Remembering that I am open to whatever happens, everything within rests.

“Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn’t need to happen.” 

With love,

Grace

 

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