Lately the topic of Grace Notes has contained some pretty serious life situations.
Death, destruction, killing, suffering.
I’ve gotten some powerful notes from people in response.
People who went through some horrible, horrible life events in childhood, or situations where there was a war going on, or a nasty accident where people were killed.
Someone said “how could that be wonderful?”
It can’t be.
And one thing is for sure….you should never be trying to make yourself think something is wonderful that ISN’T for you.
Byron Katie says, “I’m not asking you to drop your story”.
The only reason, ever, to engage with self-inquiry is because YOU want freedom for yourself. You want peace. You want to not be bitter, terrified, or enraged with what happened to you.
It does not ever mean that what happened is *wonderful* or *great* or *small* or *forgettable*.
Not unless it actually becomes this, for you, in a really genuine, deep, clear way.
I don’t think I’ll ever think extreme violence is wonderful.
But I am very, very interested in studying the affects of my beliefs, my greatest fears (which have felt profound) on my present experience.
I look around and I can see that right now, in this moment, life is very slow, calm, quiet. There are no voices anywhere. There is the small tap-tap-tap of the computer keys as I write. I see a white painted door slightly ajar to the outer room. I feel my favorite ugly gray sweater on my forearms. I get to participate in a sacred dance tonight that honors a dear friend who just died of cancer.
This moment is safe, and easy.
I see that life brings this moment.
It brings the capacity to sit and question past trauma and to open my mind up to the possibility that NOW is full of love, and the traumatic images I see in my head are IMAGES.
They are not real. Not now.
This is not denying what I remember, or diminishing my history or my situation or what I encountered…..
…..or what you have encountered either.
What I know is, it feels incredible to hold the position of Not A Victim.
This is where inquiry has brought me.
When I believe someone did me wrong, someone hurt me and there is no way to ever get over it, or that I need that body part I lost….
….I am stuck.
I am full of suffering.
As I question and inquire into what is true, I find I am not so sure of the worst that happened anymore.
- Those people caused me to have a terrible life
- Cancer brought only pain, terror and despair
- I will never be free from my suffering
- God is a sadist
- There is no getting over evil
- There is no peace for me because of what I suffered
Could the turnarounds be just as true or truer?
- Those people caused me to have an unusual, extraordinary life
- Cancer also brought acceptance, rest and clarity
- I will be free from my suffering
- God is all-loving
- There is always getting over evil
- There is peace for me because of what I suffered
Who would I BE with this different story, in the present moment?
Much Love, Grace