The other day a friend shared with me her former husband’s sarcastic text about her upcoming vacation.
“I guess you’re not broke.”
I instantly was personally defending my friend, when I heard of this text, without speaking a word out loud.
That guy makes ten times as much money as my friend! He goes on a minimum of two luxury vacations a year. He demands his 12% payment from her for sports and medical fees for their kids. He ignores her at every extended family event.
He should CHILL OUT!!! Jeezus!!
How could anyone get so unhappy about money? How could anyone be such a jerk, such a victim, and keep it going for ten years (he’s been paying child support this long)?
But I watched my mind flare up, and I watched the passion to believe.
Almost like someone is beckoning seductively.
Come on over here.
This is a really juicy one. You can get VERY upset about that nasty ex-husband of your friend (who you’ve never even met, by the way) and give it a good run, even for ten minutes.
Come on, let’s go.
Have a reaction, have a war….you can do it!
I felt a surge of energy in my chest and heart.
And then, so strange. (Because my mind is a little disappointed….no someone’s-been-done-wrong story? Awww…..)
Even as I saw the pictures and felt the force of energy against this phantom ex-husband I’ve never met….
….I felt compassion for this man, who didn’t want to get a divorce in the first place, and how terribly angst-ridden and sad he is about his loss.
He’s still angry.
He’s still upset, confused.
His life didn’t go the way he worked so hard for it to go.
And….if I read his words, in the most simple way, without emotion or stories attached….they are actually true.
My friend has felt, as I did, like she was dead broke following divorce, and then living paycheck to paycheck.
But she’s not! She can go on this vacation!
Don’t we all know it’s a terrible strain to live paycheck to paycheck, counting your pennies after mortgage, car payment, groceries and phone bill?
I can’t do anything extra! I can’t do anything luxurious. I can’t go out to eat like other people. I can’t buy anything that isn’t completely justified and required for survival. I can’t take workshops or retreats. I can’t enroll in special programs. I can’t buy fancy clothing. I can’t give to charity. I can’t…..
I can’t allow my money to go from here, in my bank account, to there….unless it’s, 1) a clear benefit to my well-being and improvement, or 2) required for my children’s happiness or, 3) I owe it from previous debt, or 4) a gift to someone who needs it more than me (which is a lot of people….I should be more grateful on top of all this!)
The thing is, my friend felt guilty before her former-husband even texted a word.
I know, because she had talked about it as she made plans for the vacation, decided to do it, figured out how to pay for it, and packed her bags.
It’s really, really painful feeling guilty about something that costs money, when you believe you do not deserve it, money is scarce in your life, and you better stay safe.
What to do?
I’m going on vacation myself, and I notice some of the very same thoughts.
I should stick around and keep working.
I’m going to need to prepare for Year of Inquiry and other fall events. I really need to tweak my website more after the overhaul not long ago. I need to make sure I’m ready for Eating Peace retreats. I need to map out my 2016 invitations.
I can’t leave town! I have to concentrate, stay with the program, focus!
Who would you be without the belief that you shouldn’t spend your money on that thing that brings you pleasure?
Something unusual. An interesting item to buy. A learning experience. Something that supports your life, your growth, your awareness.
It doesn’t have to be big. This can be ever so small.
Who would you be without the belief you shouldn’t dive in and go ahead and spend?
Especially if it’s clear you won’t go into debt or compromise your own sense of integrity.
I’m not saying throw all caution to the wind and go crazy buying a yacht.
But this is like my friend’s vacation.
She’s thought about it for several years. She’s actually trading some work for part of it. She’s getting low-cost fees and deals for buying way in advance, or sharing expenses with a whole group.
If you actually have the money to spend (and sometimes, its great to spend what you don’t actually have and to borrow, with integrity)….
….even if it’s a very small purchase by comparison….
….who would you be without the belief that you’re in danger if you trade your money for something you’re quite sure will bring you something you deeply value?
True, it’s not guaranteed.
But if you can question your beliefs, even as your luggage gets lost, your plane gets cancelled, your partner gets sick, you miss the train, the weather sucks….
….who would you be without the belief it has to go perfectly in order to be of value, to be of importance, or to be “worth it”?
Who would you be without the belief you are taking a HUGE RISK by spending some money?
I’d realize money comes in, goes out, comes here, goes there.
I’d recognize I can make the best decision possible at any moment. I can involve myself in wild unusual activities, like signing up for something really fascinating, or visiting a place very, very far away.
Without the belief it will be an emergency if I spend “x” amount of money, I notice there’s lightness on the money coming in, too.
What if safety is not an issue?
What if I can ask for what I need, and wait?
What if a former husband says “I guess you’re not broke”?
I’m OK. I’m not broke. I’m whole. Mended. Put together. Making a choice.
I’m alive, enjoying planet earth, trading money for things I find important, pleasant, necessary, and wonderful.
Whether its food, or a learning program, or a book, or a house.
Not frantic, buying something quick before I have “nothing” again in the near future, not grabbing for crumbs, not going into debt, not desperate.
Easy. Free. Not beating yourself up for feeling anxious, undeserving, worried.
Letting everything be here.
“Defense is the first act of war…..Without you, how can I know the places in me that are unkind and invisible? You bring me to myself….If you say one single thing that I have the urge to defend, that thing is the very pearl waiting inside me to be discovered.” ~ Byron Katie
What did my friend need to realize, and I mean deeply realize within that she had not seen before?
That she was not broke, but thriving, adventurous, courageous, independent, strong and that she actually has all she needs, in order to be happy.
Maybe you have enough, too?
No matter how much it is.
“Questioning the thought that arises when you hit a bump in your life can radically change the quality of your whole existence.” ~ Byron Katie