I was in a lecture by a dynamic, inspiring motivational speaker about working for yourself.
I had actually spoken on the phone to her before, and taken one of her classes. I liked her. She was really fascinating, actually. How wonderful to hear her amazing story of success.
Wait. How much money did she just say she made in her first year of being in business for herself? Are you kidding me?
How come she got so successful?
What am I doing wrong?
I made a tenth of what she made in my first year of business. One TENTH. I could barely live on it.
There’s no comparison really.
Plus I think she’s about 25 years younger.
In literally a matter of 60 seconds, I was making plans to go live in Pema Chodron’s monastery next year and throw in the towel.
This is ridiculous. I’ll never get “it”.
There’s no point in going on!!
Have you ever felt the Drama-Queen Extremes?
I jest, but I know the feeling of comparing yourself to someone “better” than you can be quite brutal, debilitating and low.
It’s not all that funny, when you’re in the middle of it.
But who would you be without the thought that you should just give it all up and quit, cash out in despair?
Who would you be without the belief you should push on, never give up, and bore yourself like a drill into your plan of success?
Who would you be without your thoughts? Your comparisons? Your fears of the future? Your regrets of the past?
What would it feel like, in this moment right now as you read these words, to consider neither giving up nor pressing on?
“Normally we try to relax beyond our circumstances. We try to transcend our experience. We try to find truth. We try to wake up. But just imagine the relief you could feel having zero task. You can’t make yourself relax, you can’t make yourself let go, you can’t make yourself tight, you can’t make yourself restricted. The relief to being resigned or relinquished to resting in your experience is immeasurable.” ~ Ross Oldenstadt
Suddenly *click* (or maybe more like *kapow!*) I am in this moment noticing faces, sound, voices, air, colors, joy, being this, not being that, being this instead, relating, connecting.
Noticing gratitude, and laughter, at all the compulsive comparing and planning and efforts to not-effort.
Truly, nothing to do. Nowhere to go.
Turning the thoughts around: Making that much money is not required for success. I am not doing it wrong. I am doing it right. I am not “doing” it. The amount of money I have is success. The amounts of monies coming and going have nothing to do with success or lack of success.This life has gone this way, just right.
So glad life moved me into a moment of hearing a speaker that reminded me of comparison that reminded me of inquiry that reminded me of peace and nothing-but-now.
I am alive, I am breathing, I am typing, I sit on a beautiful and comfortable white couch, I laugh at my mind, I feel what’s here that is not a thinking brain, I relax, I celebrate these fairy tales all around me including big happy wild accomplishment stories and big fat failure stories, I notice I’m having a lot of fun with this whole success work-for-yourself thing.
Once upon a time….
P.S. Even though its Mother’s Day, I’m offering a 3 weeks of Sunday sessions doing The Work on Money on 5/10, 5/17 and 5/24 from 9-11 am Pacific Time. By donation. Every session will be recorded….click HERE if you want access to the recordings, to join on any call, or participate with this powerful freedom work.